Rough Draft Review Process Evaluation
Proofed Paper: ntp854205 - Mon Mar 23 18:32:51 EDT 2020
Paper Title:
No. of Pages: 0
Paper Style: APA Paper Type: N/A
Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? No
Feedback Areas: General, N/A
Paper Goals: Prepare: Step 1: Prepare a shortened version of your Final Paper (at least four
pages) by including the following: Introduction paragraph and thesis statement
you developed for your Week 3 Assignment. Background information of the global
societal issue you have chosen. Brief argument supporting at
Proofing Summary:
Hi Casey,
I’m AJ, your composition tutor for the Writing Center. I have reviewed your submission and have several suggestions that will help you
revise. Please feel free to contact us through a 24/7 live writing session with any follow-up questions or for any clarification.
Below, you will find a revision plan along with margin comments within your paper. Use my suggestions as a starting point for the
revision process. Also, please note that I have not edited or proofread the entire draft for minor errors, but rather, focused on overall
concerns such as idea development.
This is a good start to your essay on global drug trade and trafficking. I thought you did a great job with immediately stating the
purpose of this paper and sticking to the overall theme of this purpose throughout the entirety of this assignment. In addition to this,
you also did very well in your efforts to ensure that the information in this paper was delivered in a highly organized fashion.
For your revisions, I suggest focusing on:
1. You have not yet addressed all of the items in the prompt. This prompt is a complicated one, to be sure. If you carefully break down
the prompt, you will see that it is asking for you to:
• discuss the problem,
• propose a solution to the problem,
• evaluate the validity, reliability, and biases of the sources you used in addition to pointing out where more research is needed, and
• show ethical implications of your proposed solution.
Please review the sample paper found in your course to help you to better understand the expectations of this assignment and to
complete all of the necessary sections.
When reviewing this sample paper, I would suggest paying extra attention to the level headings and the specific titles they used for
these headings. Consider using these level headings as a template for how you should organize them.
2. The introduction paragraph should end with a thesis statement that includes the societal problem, your proposed solution to the
societal problem and also the positive/negative ethical outcome of the solution. Consider following this format for your thesis: (Your
issue) should/should not ____. Instead, we should (insert your solutions to the problem). These solutions create (insert the positive
and negative ethical implications).
3. Develop your paragraphs more. In general, all paragraphs need to have 3 pieces:
P-Point—also known as your topic sentence where you state what the paragraph is about
I-Information—where you present your information (facts, details, quotes, and reasons)
E-Explanation—where you explain the relevance or importance of your information. Specifically for this essay, you should focus on
developing this part of your paragraphs. You did very well with making sure you used a strong amount of information, but now you
should work on supplementing your information with more personal analysis in your own words that explains the significance of your
information. Please be sure to do all of this when writing your paragraphs. For help with this, click here:
http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/body-paragraphs
Good luck in the course, and I hope we can help you with your next assignment.
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Proofed Paper: ntp854205 - Mon Mar 23 18:32:51 EDT 2020
For more help with formatting your title page and running header click here:
http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/introduction-apa
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Proofed Paper: ntp854205 - Mon Mar 23 18:32:51 EDT 2020
Make sure you are ending your
introduction with a clear thesis that
states the overall purpose of your
paper, and provides a general
introduction to the topics of your
following body paragraphs.
Keep in mind that this paper should be
organized into sections via level
headings. Consider reviewing the
template for this assignment to ensure
that you have addressed everything that
was required from you for this paper.
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Proofed Paper: ntp854205 - Mon Mar 23 18:32:51 EDT 2020
Make sure you are citing all of your
sources in proper APA style.
For more help with in-text citations, use this guide: http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/citing-within-your-paper
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Proofed Paper: ntp854205 - Mon Mar 23 18:32:51 EDT 2020
You do a great job of using plenty of citations
from scholarly resources in this section of
your paper, but you should consider
supplementing these citations with more
analysis in your own words to properly explain
the significance of these citations.
You do a good job here summarizing your
thoughts with your final sentence, but you
might consider adding a part to this sentence
that gives a general introduction to the topic of
the next paragraph.
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Proofed Paper: ntp854205 - Mon Mar 23 18:32:51 EDT 2020
Consider developing your ideas in this paragraph to a greater extent. Keep in mind that all of your paragraphs should be
around 7-11 sentences in length. For help with this, click here:
http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/body-paragraphs
This is a good start to your conclusion, but
keep in mind your conclusion should
somewhat resemble your introduction
paragraph. It should summarize all the
thoughts brought up in this paper, restate
your thesis, and leave the reader with one
last memorable statement.
For your final draft, make sure that
you include sections in this essay
that cover your , the ethical
implications of your proposed
solution, and an evaluation of your
sources. Both of these sections are
necessary to complete this assignment.
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Proofed Paper: ntp854205 - Mon Mar 23 18:32:51 EDT 2020
For help formatting your references page, click here: http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/format-your-reference-list
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Proofed Paper: ntp854205 - Mon Mar 23 18:32:51 EDT 2020
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