HUMN 100 Final Project
EFFECTIVE WRITING CENTER
Your Advice from the EWC
Your Advice from the EWC
TO: Eqbal Danish
FROM: Jason
DATE: Monday, March 16
SUBJECT: Your essay for 2202HUMN100
Congratulations on your progress in writing your essay for 2202HUMN100!
My name is Jason, and it’s my pleasure to work with you today.
Before we begin, let’s review a few important guidelines and resources:
· Students may submit one request for advice (either written feedback or live online advising) every 48 hours.
· You are welcome to come to the Effective Writing Center for help at any stage in the writing process, whether you are just getting started an assignment or want feedback on a rough draft.
· Resources to help you revise your writing assignment are hyperlinked within this letter and in the More Resources section at the end.
· Before reading this advice, please review the writing that you submitted. We’ve pasted your draft at the end of this advice letter.
At the EWC we are attentive readers who help you improve as a writer by explaining and modeling effective writing skills. For a more detailed discussion of our services, please click this link and visit the Effective Writing Center web site.
Are You Interested in More Help?
Schedule a Live Advising Appointment!
· The Effective Writing Center also offers live, online advising via teleconference. You can submit an appointment request through the MyUMGC portal.
Advice Overview
We will discuss the following strategies that can help you to strengthen your paper:
· Introduction
· Some tips for structuring paragraphs
· APA style
· Some grammar and mechanics
Although we will cover revisions and rules, your professor’s instructions always take precedence over any advice you receive from the EWC. If you have any questions, refer to your assignment guidelines first and don’t hesitate to ask your professor to clarify any unanswered questions.
Assignment Management
Thank you for submitting the assignment requirements. Our goal is to ensure that your paper meets your professor’s assignment requirements as closely as possible, so this information is a big help!
Below is a table with an overview of your assignment, what you have completed, and what you need to fulfill the requirements.
|
Assignment Requires |
You Have |
You Need |
|
Thesis statement and introduction |
You have this |
To make sure that your thesis statement comes at the end of your introduction and clearly identifies your main claim and supporting evidence |
|
Proofread for grammatical and spelling errors
|
A few run-on sentences |
|
|
Title page and running head formatted according to APA style |
You have these |
A few changes |
Thesis & Organization
Goals:
· Articulate your thesis, argument, main idea, and/or purpose clearly.
· Organize your document or presentation in a manner that promotes understanding.
You will want to make sure that your thesis statement comes at the end of your introduction and clearly and specifically states the main claim(s) of your essay. As well, your introduction should focus on introducing your thesis statement. Let’s take a look at your current introduction and thesis:
Social inequality is of great concern to the world since it affects every single act of injustice that is happening all over the world, thus having a significant impact on humanity disciplines. Social inequality can get defined as handing out of favors and rewards to people or even the whole society at large. Social inequality affects humanity disciplines in the way people relate and interact with each other so much that it affects their work.
In this case, you will want to revise your introduction so that it includes a thesis statement. Your thesis should come at the end of your introduction and identify the main conclusion of your essay regarding social inequality, as well as the main evidence and arguments you will provide in support.
This website from the EWC includes some helpful videos about this basic essay format that you may want to review, including the Five-Paragraph Essay Outline and the formulas for a Thesis Statement, Introduction, Body Paragraph, and Conclusion.
Literacy Education Online’s site on Developing an Introduction: The Top-Down Model also has a really great diagram of how an introduction should develop.
If you feel like you need any further help with the introduction, Indiana University’s How to Write a Thesis Statement gives a helpful overview of the thesis process.
Development & Research
Goals:
· Develop coherent paragraphs, points, and/or sections so that each is internally unified and functions as a part of your entire document or presentation.
· Tailor your communications to the audience.
· Provide sufficient support for your ideas
· Integrate material from research (if required) smoothly into your own content.
As you revise your assignment, you will want to make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single and main point and that your topic sentences clearly state the main claim or claims of your paragraph, as well as state what evidence will be provided in support. Let’s take a look at this paragraph, for example:
One of the most affected humanity discipline by social inequality include literature on art. Art is usually measured by the proportion of the artistic occupations in various categories, including classical, fashionable, or even commercial art (Judith R. Blau). Naturally, social-economic inequality, however, does promote art though it is no longer through primary patronage through the influence to consume art and particularly, through the diverse demand for art engendered by vast differences in economic class. […]
In addition, you will want to revise your topic sentence so that it is more specific and identifies the main claim that you will make regarding social inequality and literature in this paragraph, as well as the evidence you will provide in support.
Here is a summary of the key points to keep in mind while revising your paragraphs:
1. Claim: this is also sometimes called a topic sentence. The main idea here is to let your reader know what the paragraph will be about.
2. Evidence: this is what you will use to support, or back up, your topic sentence. This should be presented as succinctly as possible, and could be between 4-8 sentences depending on how much space it takes to present the evidence. Any background information necessary to understand the significance of the evidence can be integrated into the presentation of the evidence.
3. Analysis/Conclusions: Your analysis and conclusions will wrap up each paragraph, and should explain why the evidence in the paragraph supports the claim made in the topic sentence.
Formatting & Citations
Goals:
· Format paper according to the rules of required style.
· Cite sources according to the rules of your required style.
APA style generally requires the following components in addition to a references page and in-text citations:
· A title page
· A running head (a shortened version of the title) in the upper left-hand corner of each page
· Page numbers in the upper right-hand corner of each page (next to the running head)
For the title page of your paper, you will want to include a title, your name, and the name of the university in the same font as the rest of your essay. Generally, you do not need to include the course name or the date, but your instructor’s directions may differ. For the running head, you will want to include a shortened version of the page title and a page number, starting with page one on the title page and continuing through the other pages.
Your title page will end up looking something like this (if you are following standard APA style):
To see an example of a completed title page as well as a sample paper in APA style see Purdue OWL’s sample.
For more information on the APA style you can also check out OWL Purdue.
Grammar & Mechanics
Goals:
· Use sentence structure appropriate for your task, message, and audience.
· Follow conventions of Standard Written English.
Make sure to look for any run-ons. These occur when you have two or more independent clauses (groups of words that “stand alone” as complete sentences) that are in the same sentence without appropriate punctuation.
Different cultures and societies have different types of norms and if a particular society and culture is to follow and practice Christianity and a Muslim moves into that place they may get looked down upon and get seen as socially unequal simply cause they do not follow the same rule like the other and thus do not fit in the general standard.
There are a few different ways you can join these independent clauses.
You can simply divide them into separate sentences by inserting periods:
Different cultures and societies have different types of norms. If a particular society and culture is to follow and practice Christianity and a Muslim moves into that place they may get looked down upon and get seen as socially unequal simply cause they do not follow the same rule like the other and thus do not fit in the general standard.
If you have closely related independent clauses, you can join them with semicolons:
Different cultures and societies have different types of norms; if a particular society and culture is to follow and practice Christianity and a Muslim moves into that place they may get looked down upon and get seen as socially unequal simply cause they do not follow the same rule like the other and thus do not fit in the general standard.
You can also join them using a comma and a conjunction, such as “and” or “but”,
Different cultures and societies have different types of norms, and if a particular society and culture is to follow and practice Christianity and a Muslim moves into that place they may get looked down upon and get seen as socially unequal simply cause they do not follow the same rule like the other and thus do not fit in the general standard.
To learn more about independent clauses and run-on sentences see this guide.
Summary
Good luck! As you continue your work on this project, be sure to:
1. Revise your thesis statement, making sure that your introduction focuses on introducing your thesis and states your main evidence
2. Review for any other run-on sentences
3. Make sure each paragraph is fully developed and has a clear and specific topic sentence that reflects what you discuss in your paragraph and identifies your main evidence
It’s been my pleasure assisting you with your essay, and I’d like to invite you to resubmit for additional feedback at any stage of the writing process. Best of luck and have a splendid semester!
Best,
Jason
More Resources
UMUC Effective Writing Center
Effective Writing Center Web Index
http://effectivewritingcenter.org/
Live, One-On-One Advising
http://polaris.umuc.edu/ewc/web/live_advising.html
Live Advising: On Demand & Face-to-Face http://polaris.umuc.edu/ewc/web/live_advising.html
Getting It Write: An Introduction to the Effective Writing Center http://polaris.umuc.edu/ewc/web/getting_it_write.html How to Best Use the EWC http://polaris.umuc.edu/ewc/web/best_use_ewc.html
Copy of Your Draft
Eqbal Eqbal Laurence Jarvik Laurence HUMN 100 14 March 2020 Social inequality Social inequality is of great concern to the world since it affects every single act of injustice that is happening all over the world, thus having a significant impact on humanity disciplines. Social inequality can get defined as handing out of favors and rewards to people or even the whole society at large. Social inequality affects humanity disciplines in the way people relate and interact with each other so much that it affects their work. One of the most affected humanity discipline by social inequality include literature on art. Art is usually measured by the proportion of the artistic occupations in various categories, including classical, fashionable, or even commercial art (Judith R. Blau). Naturally, social-economic inequality, however, does promote art though it is no longer through primary patronage through the influence to consume art and particularly, through the diverse demand for art engendered by vast differences in economic class. However, when there is an inequality in education, art is greatly affected since art does dwell in places where people are educated and have a cultural orientation and a diverse taste of subculture taste. The theory gets supported by the finding that the large existence of a large group of people that love and appreciate art are in a metropolis and are positively related to artistic activities. Inequality in overall social status encourages performing but discourages nonperforming arts, probably because performing artists have to be located where affluent audiences can support operas and rock concerts and other performing institutions, whereas other artists do not. Religion is one of the most affected in terms of social inequality, and the evidence is seen today. In some religions, there is a significant differentiation among their church members, which is linked to social inequality (Lisa Keister). The higher the person hierarchy in the church or even in religion, the higher in the social class the person will get to be, and the person will get more respect and have a higher place in the society. When religion gets practiced in areas where it is not dominant, this also creates a social inequality among culture and society. Religion social inequality gets tricked by norms. Different cultures and societies have different types of norms and if a particular society and culture is to follow and practice Christianity and a Muslim moves into that place they may get looked down upon and get seen as socially unequal simply cause they do not follow the same rule like the other and thus do not fit in the general standard. Music is a known critique of humanities disciplines that speaks aloud the stories to the world on how social inequality influences culture and society both positively and negatively (Timberg). Today music is popularly addressing the social and economic reality of what they people are going through, and the movement did not begin today but dated way back. Back in the 60s and the 70s rock and soul bands got written about the war and the civil rights, hip-hop artist rappers still are spitting about the injustice and racism that is going around the world, music is one the critique that has pushed for social inequality justice. It is not easy for music to spread along with the message since most of the time, and they are faced with conflict by getting intimidated by the people and the government and influential people in the society that are at the forefront of encouraging and enacting social inequality. Citation Judith R. Blau, Peter M. Blau, and Reid M. Golden. "Social Inequality and the Arts." American Journal of Sociology ((Sep. 1985): pp. 309-331. Lisa Keister, Duke University Darren Sherkat, Southern Illinois University. The Relationship between Inequality and Religion. Feb 2012. <https://www.russellsage.org/awarded-project/relationship-between-inequality-and-religion>. Timberg, Scott. How music has responded to a decade of economic inequality. 30 JUL 2018. <https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/7/30/17561470/music-of-inequality>.