essay

Technological perspectives based on the Luddites

by Wisline Fontilus

Submission date: 15-Jan-2021 02:44PM (UTC-0500) Submission ID: 1488273205 File name: English12draft1.docx (17.29K) Word count: 654 Character count: 3685

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FINAL GRADE

5/5 Technological perspectives based on the Luddites GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

Hi Wisline. This is a good start to the drafting process to the essay. In addition to expanding on what you have started here, I point out how you need to better introduce "Interview with the Luddite" and Kelly and Sale to the reader; you can also make your thesis clear from the start (I think I understand it, so see my comments on the paper); and you might move some things around in the draft to improve the unity and coherence. You should notice, too, that I suggest you include discussion of your experience today with using technology to, as you put it toward the end, "manage" things as evidence that supports the idea that tech is the answer to our ills.

Going forward, you need to integrate another text, and I suggest the "Savage Future" piece given your focus on the need to build smarter technology.

I look forward to reading the next draft.

A voice comment was left for this paper.

PAGE 1

Comment 1

Nice introduction.

Comment 2

Is this your thesis? Is this "contribution" positive or negative?

Comment 3

You need to introduce the text to the reader: give the title in quotation marks and then say who was interviewed by whom.

Comment 4

Since you are, I think, summarizing the interview, you don't need this parenthetical reference.

Comment 5

Is this now a reference to the "neo-Luddite" Kirkpatrick Sale, the person Kevin Kelly interviews?

Comment 6

This is something Sale says, so you should indicate that this is so to make it clear you are summarizing the "Interview with the Luddite."

PAGE 2

Comment 7

Here, though, is Kelly's way of thinking, so again, I wonder if this is your thesis. Is your point with the essay to say that Kelly's point that technology can be used to fix the problems it created if we want it to your main point? If I'm correct in how I understand things, what experience have you had to support this?

Comment 8

You should give the reader a better idea that you are referring to Sale here. It's why you need to introduce the text and who is involved better earlier.

Comment 9

Use quotations to show what you only tell at this point in the essay. After you summarize the text, you want to be more exact with your references to the text and with your analysis. Add more on why you read what Sale and Kelly say the way you do.

Comment 10

Okay, so quote what he says to show this. Also, is this something that is happening today? Your experience? I'm also thinking that the Nathaniel Rich article "Savage Future" might be useful for you to use going forward with the paper. It's in Course Content.

Comment 11

This is according to Sale, right? Or, do they both agree on this? Make it clear.

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Comment 12

Again, how do you "see" this happening with your own experience? How is technology involved in a

positive way?

Comment 13

You need to make clear to readers that these are predictions he made in 1995 about 2020. It should perhaps come earlier as part of the summary. It sets up what you are arguing against in your paper. If I'm correct, you might agree with Sale's predictions, but Kelly's idea that we need to build better technology is a better solution, not a retreat to the past.

Comment 14

How has technology helped you "manage"?

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Comment 15

See the "Basic MLA" handout in Course Information for how to list this text on a Works Cited page.