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Sydney Drew Embler
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Dobson (2004) discusses the six “How-To’s” in how one shapes a child’s will. When looking into these “How-To’s” more in depth, each one is a crucial guideline that parents need to follow in order to have a successful outcome with their child. The main thing that stood out to me is that each child is different, so parents need to focus on each one of these “How-To’s” and find out which ones are going to be beneficial for their child.
The first “How-To” is so important in the sense that parents need to establish their role as a leader in their child’s life at an early age letting the child know they love them but are also in control.
The second “How-To” sets a fine line of boundaries before enforcing any punishment, allowing the child to gain awareness of right and wrong behaviors.
The third “How-To” discusses the importance of parents being able to depict the differences between willful defiance and childish irresponsibility in order to determine the meaning behind their behavior.
The fourth “How-To” is a way for parents to teach their children forgiveness, all while assuring them they are loved through any confrontational moment.
The fifth “How-To” helps parents understand that some demands are too high or unreachable for their children and punishing them will only lead to conflict.
The sixth “How-To” sets the stage for a healthy relationship between a parent and a child, being that love should always be a parent’s guide.
In my opinion, the fourth “How-To” is the most difficult one for parents to implement. This “how-To” takes a lot of time and consistency that some parents may not make time for. Parents need to make time to teach their children about their emotions and feelings while being able to maintain discipline. If a child is punished, they need to know why instead of just going to their room and never talking about it. This teachable moment allows a child to know their parent loves them but also allows the parent to show their leadership (Dobson, 2004, p. 70). Throughout this “How-To”, it is very evident that it takes time for a parent to be able to sit down with their child and explain rights and wrongs. Some parents do not take time for this and it sets the child up for bottling up feelings and emotions of inferiority. Children need their parents to listen and also guide them in the right direction. Without guidance, they will not be able to distinguish their feelings and emotions. This is so important for parents to follow through with this just as God is always there to listen to us and our feelings. God has forgiven us for our sins and we must teach our children this same concept. We will forgive them, as God forgives us, but with forgiveness comes talking about the situations that arise. Dobson (2004, p. 71) states, “Divine forgiveness is a marvelous experience, even for a very young child.”
For example, I work with Autistic children and the main thing I tell parents is to be consistent. People put a label on children who have a disability and just assume they don’t understand things. Well, they certainly do. They react to every yell and every hug. They are human, just like we are. This fourth “How-To”, along with all the others, but mainly the fourth one is so crucial for parents with a special needs child to not put on the back burner. They need to let their children know they are valued, as well as guiding them on how to express their emotions appropriately.
When it comes to barriers for parents in our current culture, there are two main ones that come to mind. The pressures of peers and social media occur more in the teenage years. As one of Dobson’s family talks, Reserve Forces and Kids, speaks on how the teenage years are more stressful than when the children are younger. These years are so crucial for parents to be able to talk to their children and implement the forth “How-To.” The barriers of peer pressures and social media can really put a damper in a family’s home life, but if parents stay consistent and help their children learn to talk about their mistakes and learn from them, then these barriers may become less stressful. On top of all of this, making sure children are introduced to Christ at an early age is crucial to the family dynamics. Proverbs (22:6, NIV), “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
References
Dobson, J. (2004). The new strong-willed child: Birth through adolescence. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House.
Liberty University (n.d.). Dobson, J. (n.d.). Reserve Forces and Kids.
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