Rough Draft + Final Draft Katherine

Marsh

Katherine Marsh

Professor X

ENGL 1020 L0X

20 June 2016

“Be a Man”: Male Gender Stereotyping and Its Effect on American Culture

Gender is an aspect of our culture that influences and is influenced by so many other factors in our lives. From our speech, how we interact with friends and lovers, what we wear, what we do in our free time, how we express ourselves, gender is with us at every step of our lives. And in many ways, it is culture itself that teaches us how gender is defined: what does it mean to be “a man” or “a woman”? These definitions express themselves in many ways, including gender roles and the stereotypes that surround them. When we’re young, we hear these phrases and are impressed with these beliefs constantly, and each gender receives its own set of messages. For boys and young men, no phrase is more common than “be a man.” They hear it on playgrounds, from their spouses, from their friends, from their parents, and while it may take on a few different forms (“Don’t cry!” “Don’t be a wuss!” “Man up!”), the implicit message is the same. The stereotyping behind “be a man” emphasizes a limited set of “acceptable” or “normal” qualities for men in our culture, many of which simply aren’t achievable or wanted by an individual. However, through the insistence and persistence of this thinking, a policing of “manliness” and expectation to fit this mold results in a multitude of major issues, ranging from the personal (lowered self-esteem, depression, social isolation and bullying) to the cultural (increased drug use, criminal activity, and violence, particularly against women).

Generally speaking, “be a man” largely encompasses a man’s behavior. These qualities of masculinity entail that “a man” is one who is strong, both emotionally and physically. “A man” is able to lift heavy things, handle sweat and dirt, change a tire, and toss a football. He is also one who is control of his emotions, remaining stoic and unshakable in times of sadness, grief, and crisis. He is level-headed, calm, and lets his actions speak louder than words. These qualities also extend into his interactions with the opposite sex - to be both courteous (holding the door for his date) while also serving as the primary financial provider (in terms of take-home income as well as smaller things, like paying for dinner, or buying her flowers). “A man” is also virile and full of libido, dominating, and powerful. In short, to “be a man” is to fulfill the every stereotypical aspect of how we as a culture define “manhood”, but it also suggests that, in many ways and for many of these men, there is a shortfalling, hence the reminder that they need to “be a man.”

This reminder is usually given to men by fellow men, those who are following the rules and see their peer start to deviate from this culturally-set path to masculinity. It’s about maintaining the set social code and standards that they all face, and through this phrase, they all work to preserve it. But men aren’t the only ones who know this code; women are also made aware of it (in many of the same ways that men are), and thus hold men to these same expectations. They want a man who doesn’t mirror those qualities that considered feminine, as women clearly identify those with their own gender roles. The stereotype “act like a lady” is very similar to “be a man” in how it defines these gendered expectations, and both encompass how each gender interacts with the other and with the rest of society. So as to maintain this kind of status quo, we see both men and women imploring errant men to “be a man” and not upset this carefully constructed balance.

While there is no clear origin for the phrase “be a man”, the notion that men are expected to adhere to a fixed series of definitions has been longstanding throughout history. For centuries, men were given particular powers, roles, and set of rules to adopt and follow, hence why we look back into history and see men in these positions of royalty, law, medicine, heads of household, and carriers of one’s family lineage. As for the young man of today’s culture, this stereotype is applied to them early in life. From schoolyard taunts (“You throw like a girl!”) to being teased for crying (“Don’t be a wuss!”), young boys are quickly taught what this acceptable behavior is, in much the same way that we gift them action figures and trucks at Christmas. And this socialization happens everywhere: at school, at home, among their friends and siblings, even strangers (“Be a good boy and hold the door open for this old woman”). Some point even to religion as a source: where a man’s place is one of power, action, and righteousness is a common theme throughout various religious texts and theisms. As they grow up, the messages may change slightly, but the implications remain the same: get the girl, sleep with her, don’t let her see you cry, learn how to work on your car, marry the girl, have children, get a job, support your family, teach your son how to throw a ball, and so on. And as these men have children of their own, especially boys, the message remains and thus, the cycle continues.

It’s clear that socialization has much to do with the existence of this stereotype and its reinforcement, but the media also plays an immensely influential role as well. Media is indiscriminate, which means that the same messages geared at young men will also be seen by young women, which helps explain why women are also perpetrators of this stereotyping. It also is helped by the fact that these characteristics of “being a man” are seen in the majority of media, both those direct to boys and to girls. Girls are told to wait for their Knight in Shining Armor, while boys are told to be him. Girls are told to find a man who can take care of her, while boys are told to do what they can to be that provider. But since this stereotype is largely perpetuated between men, these qualities from the male perspective are seen in male-oriented media, ranging from Superman’s broad, muscular chest and sense of righteousness, the soldier who stares death in the face in order to support his country (as seen in military recruitment promotional materials), and even in the over the top exaggeration of manliness found in the latest campaign of Old Spice products. We see them as the heroes in action films, the stoic fathers commanding respect, the funny sidekicks in sitcoms, the models with chiseled six-pack abs in magazine advertisements, the MVPs hoisting sports trophies, the John Waynes and Clint Eastwoods riding on horseback, the CEOs and hot-shot lawyers in nightly dramas: just turn on the television, and you’re bound to find one of these examples of the ideal man.

And with this stereotype being as consistent and pervasive as it is, we may start to wonder, “What’s so wrong with it?” Many of these qualities are central to being productive individuals, spouses, and citizens in society: setting and achieving goals, maintaining one’s composure, being physically useful and desirable, creating families and supporting them, and helping to give us a kind of structure in life in terms of what we should do and who we should be. But the impacts of “be a man” run much deeper than what our culture could ever expect, and as we’ve seen this stereotype persist throughout generations, we’re starting to see just how detrimental it is. According to the research presented by The Representation Project, the Center for Disease Control reports that 79% of suicides are male victims, and men have been shown to be less likely to seek out assistance with their mental health issues. Perhaps one of the driving causes for this is the emphasis on being “strong”, “silent”, and “emotionally balanced” that “Be a man” demands, and that to ask for help is seen as a sign of weakness. But without proper assistance, mental health issues that go unchecked and may result in the alarming effects we see today.

Moreover, this learned inability to handle or express one’s emotions can result in violence towards others as well. A 2007 study conducted by the US Department of Justice found that 75% of crime in the United States was committed by men (“Criminal Victimization”). The same study also found that nearly 95% of sexual assaults were committed by male offenders, which leads one to consider how men see sex as a means of establishing dominance and power (a tactic well worn and used throughout history). Domestic violence is also a crime where men are seen largely as perpetrators, but studies show that men too are the victims of it: 1 in 4 men have reported to be victims of domestic violence (NCADV). These acts of violence then can be seen both as men trying to live up to the extremes of these “manly” demands but done so without the necessary emotional capacity to understand what is right and what is wrong or lacking the ability to form clear, meaningful connections with other people, whereas violence against men, including domestic violence and bullying may be seen as a way of punishing those who somehow don’t fit into these standards of masculinity.

Now that we’ve started to see just how powerful “be a man” can be on someone’s behavior and psyche, and how these in turn create larger issues both for the person and those around them, we wonder, “What can be done?” Clearly, the voices behind this stereotype are those of a man’s peers, family, and culture at large, so it’s up to changing not just those words themselves but the mindset, beliefs, and values that fuel it. When we really look at what this stereotype is doing, it’s about how we’re demanding boys and men to fit into a fixed set of characteristics. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being interested in firetrucks, playing videogames, watching sports, or being assertive in a relationship - but it’s when these other implications of manliness - dominance, stoicism, “don’t cry”, “take charge” - result in a lack of emotional intelligence and increased aggression that we need to reconsider just what we’re telling them to do. The media in these cases largely reflect what the culture’s values, mirroring this “man” back on to us, so if we want change, we must do it within ourselves and our culture. Teach men that it’s acceptable, even necessary, to express their emotions, and give them the tools and space to do this. Teach girls and women how to view men in ways that are more equal and realistic. Teach everyone about the grave consequences of this stereotype, and work towards redefining our culture’s expectations of men. Given how ingrained this stereotype is in our culture, it may take generations to achieve this, but without starting somewhere, we’ll continue to see just how devastating our culture’s masculinity can be.

Works Cited

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. “Statistics.” National Coalitions Against Domestic

Violence. National Coalitions Against Domestic Violence, n.d. Web. 20 Jun. 2016.

The Representation Project. “The Issue: The Mask You Live In.” The Representation Project. The

Representation Project, n.d. Web. 20 Jun. 2016.

United States. Department of Justice. Criminal Victimization in the United States, 2007 Statistical

Tables. Bureau of Justice Statistics, Feb. 2010. Web. 20 Jun. 2016.