Research paper Final

Research Draft by Jasim Khan

Submission dat e : 15- Oct- 2018 02:13AM (UT C- 04 00) Submission ID: 102007 27 7 5 File name : ww_mo o dle_temp_turnitinto o l_154 365664 7 .Research_Paper_Draf t.do cx (27 .93K) Word count : 14 07 Charact e r count : 8330

*Hi!*

f ormat errors

1

Art icle →research t hesis

comma rules

Good support ing det ail

Awk.

cit at ion f ormat

sect . head.

Awk.

Awk.

Awk.

good analysis

Good support ing det ail

2

Repet it ious3

Good support ing det ail

Cap./LC

Frag.

Awk.

Good example(s)

4

5

6

Good support ing det ail

7

Works Cit ed

Missing mat ching cit at ions

1% SIMILARIT Y INDEX

1% INT ERNET SOURCES

0% PUBLICAT IONS

0% ST UDENT PAPERS

1 1%

Exclude quo tes Of f

Exclude biblio graphy On

Exclude matches < 3 wo rds

Research Draft ORIGINALITY REPORT

PRIMARY SOURCES

www.rueducommerce.f r Int ernet Source

QM

QM

FINAL GRADE

15/20 Research Draft GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor Jasim,

Yo u've included a thesis that takes a stance o n this issue, included highly credible so urces, and included suppo rting details in the bo dy to develo p the thesis.

Please f o cus o n the f o llo wing areas in yo ur revisio n:

Adhere to MLA f o rmat in integrating so urces, citing so urces in the text, and f o rmatting the wo rks cited page. I canno t f ind an in- text citatio n f o r Gro ve, so please make sure yo u add it to the text o f the essay.

T hesis: revise the thesis to preview the idea o f parents' use o f security measures to f ilter o ut sexual co ntent. Revise the language as well.

Organizatio n: add a lead- in to the intro ductio n, and include transitio ns at the start o f bo dy paragraphs. Sectio n headings are no t suf f icient to take care o f this element. Add a separate co nclusio n.

Suppo rt: add suppo rting detail related to yo ur pro po sed so lutio ns. T he current level o f detail is substantially less than that included f o r the pro blem.

Other areas o f co ncern (including language and paper f o rmatting) are highlighted in the co mments.

Overall, there are several pro mising aspects o f this essay, Keep go ing!- AST

PAGE 1

*Hi!* HI!

I lo o k f o rward to reading yo ur essay.

f ormat errors | Format T here are several f o rmat erro rs. See the pro mpt o r the site belo w f o r details o n ho w to f o rmat

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

the paper: https://o wl.english.purdue.edu/o wl/reso urce/7 4 7 /24 / Additional Comment Header f o rmat, thesis f o rmat, title, and use o f sectio n headings.

PAGE 2

Comment 1 | Organizat ion Organizatio n:

Intro duce the to pic bef o re jumping into yo ur stance o n the to pic. A lead- in to the to pic pro vides co ntext f o r the argument and raises the reader's interest.

Sectio n headings may be used to reinf o rce yo ur o verall o rganizatio n, but transitio ns and to pic sentences must still be used to signal shif ts in the to pic. See the link o n f o rmat o n prio r page f o r inf o rmatio n o n ho w to f o rmat them sho uld yo u cho o se to keep them.

Article | Language T he article is misused o r absent. See here f o r tips:

https://www.grammarly.co m/handbo o k/grammar/articles/

→research thesis | T hesis T hesis states a claim and includes suppo rting detail. Additional Comment Please co rrect the awkward language use in the thesis, ho wever.

Yo u also mentio n later in the essay that parents sho uld take security precautio ns to f ilter o ut so me o f this inf o rmatio n; preview that to pic here as well, and include mo re detailed discussio n o f it in the bo dy.

comma rules | Punct uat ion Review co mma rules: https://o wl.english.purdue.edu/o wl/o wlprint/607 /

Additional Comment co mma splices Co rrect the repeated and multiple types o f co mma erro rs thro ugho ut the essay.

Good supporting detail Go o d use o f suppo rting detail that relates the to pic/subto pic and that advances the thesis.

Awk. | Language Awkward: T he expressio n o r co nstructio n is cumberso me o r dif f icult to read. Co nsider rewriting.

citation f ormat | Research In MLA, parenthetical citatio ns are usually the autho r's last name, then a space, then a page number. If no page number is available, just use the last name. If no autho r is available, use a sho rt title (the f irst f ew wo rds o f the title, appro priately punctuated). Be sure to place the end punctuatio n af ter the clo sing parenthesis. Additional Comment repeated erro r

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

sect. head. | Format If yo u are go ing to use sectio n headings (generally no t needed f o r sho rt essays), please be sure to use the co rrect f o rmat: https://o wl.english.purdue.edu/o wl/reso urce/7 4 7 /24 /

Please also no te that sectio n headings do no t take the place o f lo gical transitio ns between paragraphs, so be sure to include transitio ns even when headings are used.

PAGE 3

Awk. | Language Awkward: T he expressio n o r co nstructio n is cumberso me o r dif f icult to read. Co nsider rewriting.

Awk. | Language Awkward: T he expressio n o r co nstructio n is cumberso me o r dif f icult to read. Co nsider rewriting.

Awk. | Language Awkward: T he expressio n o r co nstructio n is cumberso me o r dif f icult to read. Co nsider rewriting.

good analysis T he analysis wo rks well here because it explains the signif icance o f the details highlighted f ro m the text.

Good supporting detail Go o d use o f suppo rting detail that relates the to pic/subto pic and that advances the thesis.

Comment 2 | Language Use the no un here.

PAGE 4

Repetitious | Language Repetitio us

Comment 3 no co mment

Good supporting detail Go o d use o f suppo rting detail that relates the to pic/subto pic and that advances the thesis.

Cap./LC | Punct uat ion Please review capitalizatio n rules. Erro r appears thro ugho ut.

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

QM

See the link belo w f o r capitalizatio n rules: http://www.grammarbo o k.co m/punctuatio n/capital.asp

Frag. | Grammar T his is a f ragment. Co rrect by adding the missing part o f speech o r co nnecting it to the sentence that co mes bef o re o r af ter it.

PAGE 5

Awk. | Language Awkward: T he expressio n o r co nstructio n is cumberso me o r dif f icult to read. Co nsider rewriting.

Good example(s) T he example wo rks well because it helps the reader to understand in a specif ic way the po int yo u make just bef o re it.

Comment 4 | Organizat ion Co mbine these sho rt paragraphs since they address the same to pic.

Comment 5 | Language activity

Comment 6 | Language While

Good supporting detail Go o d use o f suppo rting detail that relates the to pic/subto pic and that advances the thesis.

PAGE 6

Comment 7 | Organizat ion Pro vide additio nal details to co mplete the discussio n, and include a separate co ncluding paragraph that reiterates these po ints.

PAGE 7

Works Cited | Research Please use co rrect f o rmat f o r the page and entries. See https://o wl.english.purdue.edu/o wl/reso urce/7 4 7 /05/ f o r tips.

Missing matching citations | Research Please no te that there sho uld be a matching parenthetical citatio n in yo ur essay f o r each so urce listed o n the wo rks cited page and vice versa. Do cumentatio n is no t co mplete witho ut bo th o f these parts.

In MLA, parenthetical citatio ns are usually the autho r's last name, then a space, then a page number. If no page number is available, just use the last name. If no autho r is available, use a sho rt title (the f irst f ew wo rds o f the title, appro priately punctuated). Be sure to place the end punctuatio n af ter the clo sing parenthesis.

RUBRIC: V11_20 13 RESEARCH

T HESIS (20%)

INADEQUAT E (2)

BELOW AVERAGE (3)

AVERAGE (3.50)

ABOVE AVERAGE (4)

SUPERIOR (5)

SUPPORT (20%)

INADEQUAT E (2)

BELOW AVERAGE (3)

AVERAGE (3.50)

ABOVE AVERAGE (4)

SUPERIOR (5)

ORGANIZ AT ION (15%)

INADEQUAT E (2)

3.6 7 / 5

4 / 5

T hesis & Fo cus: T hesis, central idea, audience, purpo se, digressio ns

Lacks an identif iable thesis. Limited o r no awareness o f audience and purpo se. Readers canno t discern the essay’s central idea.

T hesis was attempted but unclear and/o r inco nsistently addressed. Reveals limited awareness o f audience and purpo se. Central idea either lacking o r inco nsistently addressed.

T hesis is identif iable, but perhaps to o narro w, to o bro ad, o r o therwise pro blematic. Awareness o f audience may be adequate but inco nsistent. Central idea is perhaps to o general and suppo rted by irrelevant examples.

T hesis is established and is co nsistently addressed thro ugho ut mo st o f the paper. Awareness o f audience is suf f icient. Central idea is clear and maintained in mo st o f the essay.

T hesis is clearly established and maintained thro ugho ut the entire paper. Paper demo nstrates a so phisticated awareness o f audience and purpo se. Central idea/f o cus maintained thro ugho ut.

4 / 5

Suppo rt & Develo pment: T hesis suppo rt, thesis develo pment, use o f examples, lo gic, and reaso n

No suppo rt o f thesis with relevant f acts, examples, reaso ns, o r evidence. No to pic develo pment.

Suppo rt is minimal, lo gically f lawed, and/o r inaccurate. T o pic develo pment may have been attempted, but do es no t f o rm co nclusio ns and/o r f ails to exhibit clear reaso ning.

Mo re suppo rt is needed. So me examples may be vague. Mo re develo pment needed f o r suppo rting reaso ns o r evidence. So me irrelevant suppo rt may be present, but mo st evidence suppo rts thesis.

Suppo rt is suf f icient but perhaps f lawed in so me way. Examples are suf f icient. T hesis is suppo rted and develo ped in mo st paragraphs.

Essay co mpletely suppo rts the thesis with lo gical arrangement o f evidence. All assertio ns are suppo rted and relate to thesis.

3.50 / 5

Co herence & Organizatio n: Intro ductio n, co nclusio n, bo dy paragraphs, transitio ns, to pic sentences

No clear intro ductio n, bo dy, o r co nclusio n. Little- to - no transitio ns. Demo nstrates little- to - no understanding o f o rganizatio n. Many sentences within paragraphs do no t relate to each o ther and/o r the paragraph’s to pic. May co ntain no discernible to pic

BELOW AVERAGE (3)

AVERAGE (3.50)

ABOVE AVERAGE (4)

SUPERIOR (5)

LANGUAGE (10%)

INADEQUAT E (2)

BELOW AVERAGE (3)

AVERAGE (3.50)

ABOVE AVERAGE (4)

SUPERIOR (5)

GRAMMAR (10%)

sentences.

Intro ductio n, bo dy, and co nclusio n attempted but pro blematic. Few transitio ns. Perhaps numero us digressio ns. Mo stly missing o r pro blematic to pic sentences. Demo nstrates little understanding o f o rganizatio n.

Identif iable intro ductio n, bo dy, and co nclusio n; yet o ne signif icant weakness is present: undevelo ped intro ductio n, undevelo ped co nclusio n, illo gical paragraph o rder. Adequate transitio ns, perhaps so me digressio ns. So me paragraphs may lack clear to pic sentences. Demo nstrates basic understanding o f o rganizatio n.

Clear intro ductio n, bo dy, and co nclusio n altho ugh impro vements co uld be made. Mo st paragraphs have clear to pic sentences. Essay establishes a clear plan o f develo pment. T ransitio ns are clear thro ugho ut mo st o f the paper. Demo nstrates go o d understanding o f o rganizatio n.

Clear and ef f ective intro ductio n, bo dy, and co nclusio n: Intro ductio n establishes the essay’s main idea, and co nclusio n summarizes thesis and main ideas witho ut merely co pying and pasting f ro m the intro ductio n. Clear and ef f ective transitio ns are present thro ugho ut the paper. Demo nstrates excellent understanding o f o rganizatio n.

2 / 5

Language & Style: Wo rd cho ice, repetitio n, redundancy, awkwardness, article misuse, wro ng wo rd f o rm (their/there, etc.), typo s/misspellings, vo cabulary

May co ntain mo re than 6 erro rs in wo rd cho ice, wo rdiness, redundancy, o r awkwardness. May co ntain mo re than 6 erro rs in inappro priate language f o r academic audience. Fails to demo nstrate co mpetent language use; sentences and vo cabulary are inappro priate, f acile, and/o r inco herent.

May co ntain 6 erro rs in wo rd cho ice, wo rdiness, redundancy, o r awkwardness. May co ntain 6 erro rs in inappro priate language f o r academic audience. Co ntains repetitive, inco rrect, and/o r insuf f icient sentence structure and/o r limited vo cabulary.

May co ntain 4 – 5 erro rs in wo rd cho ice, wo rdiness, redundancy, o r awkwardness. May co ntain 2 – 3 erro rs in inappro priate language f o r academic audience. Demo nstrates co mpetency with language use but sentence co nstructio ns and vo cabulary may be limited o r repetitive.

May co ntain 2 – 3 erro rs in wo rd cho ice, wo rdiness, redundancy, o r awkwardness. May co ntain 2 – 3 erro rs in inappro priate language f o r academic audience. Demo nstrates suf f icient kno wledge and skill with varied sentence co nstructio n and vo cabulary. Unnecessary repetitio n is mino r.

May co ntain 1 erro r in wo rd cho ice, wo rdiness, redundancy, o r awkwardness. May co ntain 1 erro r in inappro priate language f o r academic audience. Demo nstrates so phisticated kno wledge and skill with varied and co mplex sentence co nstructio n and vo cabulary. Little- to - no unnecessary repetitio n.

5 / 5

INADEQUAT E (2)

BELOW AVERAGE (3)

AVERAGE (3.50)

ABOVE AVERAGE (4)

SUPERIOR (5)

PUNCT UAT ION (10%)

INADEQUAT E (2)

BELOW AVERAGE (3)

AVERAGE (3.50)

ABOVE AVERAGE (4)

SUPERIOR (5)

FORMAT (5%)

INADEQUAT E (2)

BELOW AVERAGE (3)

AVERAGE (3.50)

Grammar: Fragments, subject- verb agreement, verb tense erro rs, verb f o rm erro rs, run- o ns, pro no un agreement

Co ntains mo re than 5 dif f erent grammar erro rs. T he identical 3 – 4 erro rs may be repeated thro ugho ut.

Co ntains 4 – 5 dif f erent grammar erro rs. T he identical 2 – 3 erro rs may be repeated thro ugho ut.

Co ntains 2 – 3 dif f erent grammar erro rs. T he identical 1 – 2 erro rs may be repeated thro ugho ut.

Co ntains 1 grammar erro r, which may be repeated thro ugho ut the essay.

Co ntains either no grammar erro rs, o r 1 – 2 dif f erent erro rs with no repetitio n.

3.50 / 5

Punctuatio n & Capitalizatio n: Co mma erro rs, co mma splices, apo stro phe erro rs, capitalizatio n erro rs, semico lo n erro rs, co lo n erro rs

Co ntains mo re than 5 dif f erent punctuatio n/capitalizatio n erro rs. T he identical 3 – 4 erro rs may be repeated thro ugho ut.

Co ntains 4 – 5 dif f erent punctuatio n/capitalizatio n erro rs. T he identical 2 – 3 erro rs may be repeated thro ugho ut.

Co ntains 2 – 3 dif f erent punctuatio n/capitalizatio n erro rs. T he identical 1 – 2 erro rs may be repeated thro ugho ut.

Co ntains 1 punctuatio n/capitalizatio n erro r, which may be repeated thro ugho ut the essay.

Co ntains either no punctuatio n/capitalizatio n erro r, o r 1 – 2 dif f erent erro rs with no repetitio n.

3 / 5

Fo rmat: heading, title, margins, spacing, length, underlined thesis, o ther assignment- specif ic required elements

Do esn’t meet f o rmatting requirements: Fo rmatting may be missing f o ur o r mo re elements (either no title, inco mplete heading, inappro priate spacing o r margins, o r thesis no t underlined). Length may no t meet minimum requirements.

Do esn’t meet mo st f o rmatting requirements: Fo rmatting may be missing three elements (either no title, inco mplete heading, inappro priate spacing o r margins, o r thesis no t underlined). Length may no t meet minimum requirements.

Meets so me f o rmatting requirements: Fo rmatting may be missing two elements (either no title, inco mplete heading, inappro priate spacing o r margins, o r thesis no t

ABOVE AVERAGE (4)

SUPERIOR (5)

RESEARCH (10%)

INADEQUAT E (2)

BELOW AVERAGE (3)

AVERAGE (3.50)

ABOVE AVERAGE (4)

SUPERIOR (5)

underlined). Length may no t meet minimum requirements (an essay that do es no t meet length minimum will sco re no higher than 3 in this catego ry)

Meets mo st f o rmatting requirements: Fo rmatting may be missing o ne element (either no title, inco mplete heading, inappro priate spacing o r margins, o r thesis no t underlined). Length meets minimum requirements o f 7 50 wo rds.

Meets all requirements. Fo rmatting is appro priate in terms o f heading, title, margins, spacing, underlining thesis. Length meets minimum requirements o f 7 50 wo rds.

3.50 / 5

So urce minimums, inco rpo ratio n o f so urces (including use o f signal phrases), use o f research to argue to pic, MLA in- text quo te f o rmatting, Wo rks Cited list T his paper requires at least f o ur so urces.

So urce minimum requirements are no t met. Research is insuf f icient, irrelevant, o r inadequate. So urces are no t inco rpo rated at all, o r are do ne very po o rly. Five o r mo re erro rs in do cumenting so urces using MLA style may be present. Wo rks Cited page either o mitted o r f o rmatted very po o rly. It may be dif f icult o r impo ssible to discern which so urces are in the list.

So urce minimum requirements may no t be met (No te: If so urce minimum is no t met, the essay will sco re no higher than 2 in this catego ry). Research is superf icial and/o r so urces are inco rpo rated po o rly. No mo re than f o ur dif f erent erro rs in do cumenting so urces using MLA style may be present. T hese identical erro rs may be repeated. Wo rks Cited page may co ntain signif icant f o rmatting erro rs, and so me so urces may be o mitted f ro m the list.

So urce minimum requirements (f o ur credible so urces) are met. Research may be superf icial, so urces may be po o rly inco rpo rated. No mo re than three dif f erent erro rs in do cumenting so urces using MLA style may be present. T hese identical erro rs may be repeated. Wo rks Cited page may co ntain signif icant f o rmatting erro rs, but all so urces are listed.

So urce minimum requirements (f o ur credible so urces) are met. Fairly tho ro ugh research with mo stly ef f ective use o f so urces. No mo re than two dif f erent erro rs in do cumenting so urces using MLA style. T hese identical two erro rs may be repeated. Wo rks Cited page may co ntain mino r f o rmatting erro rs, but all so urces are clearly listed.

So urce minimum requirements (f o ur credible so urces) are met. T ho ro ughly researches the to pic, uses so urces ef f ectively. No mo re than o ne dif f erent erro r in do cumenting so urces using MLA style. T his identical erro r may be repeated. Wo rks Cited page may co ntain mino r f o rmatting erro rs, but all so urces are clearly listed.