Proposal Argument First Draft
ENG-106 Peer Review Worksheet: Proposal Essay
Part of your responsibility as a student in this course is to provide quality feedback to your peers that will help them to improve their writing skills. This worksheet will assist you in providing that feedback. To highlight the text and type over the information in the boxes on this worksheet, double-click on the first word.
Name of the draft’s author: LaCretia Daniels
Name of the peer reviewer: Clark Allsop
Reviewer
After reading through the draft one time, write a summary (3-5 sentences) of the paper that includes your assessment of how well the essay meets the assignment requirements as specified in the syllabus and the rubric.
The essay addressed a concern regarding organ donation, specifically the problems included with financial compensation, and proposed the banning of such due to the problems. It glossed over how it would start providing more organs via another method that I thought was ineffective. All in all it was a great essay!
After a second, closer reading of the draft, answer each of the following questions. Positive answers will give you specific elements of the draft to praise; negative answers will indicate areas in need of improvement and revision. Please be sure to indicate at least three positive aspects of the draft and at least three areas for improvement in reply to the questions at the bottom of this worksheet.
Proposal Content and Ideas
· How effectively does the thesis statement identify the main points that the writer would like to make in this proposal?
Thesis was a clear indication of what the paper was.
· How successfully does the paper focus on presenting a well-reasoned proposal?
Generally did a really good idea but I think some bias on the topic lead to some weaker arguments.
· How persuasively is evidence used to justify ideas and enrich the essay?
Great use of evidence.
· How effectively does the essay incorporate strategies that support proposals (e.g., categorical, resemblance, ethical claims, and cause and effect claims)?
Not really addressed.
Organization
· How effectively does the introduction engage the reader while providing an overview of the paper?
It did not. The introduction, especially the first sentence, was informative on the subject but in such a way as to discourage a reader.
· Please identify the writer’s thesis and quote it in the box below.
This policy proposal aims to enlighten the masses on why it is necessary to ban the issuance of financial incentives to organ donors because it leads to the exploitation of the poor who are exploited to meet the organ needs of the affluent.
· How effectively do the paragraphs develop the topic sentence and advance the essay’s ideas?
Did a very good job.
· How effectively does the conclusion provide a strong, satisfying ending, not a mere summary of the essay?
It was underwhelming.
Format
· How closely does the paper follow APA formatting style? Is it double-spaced in 12 pt. Times New Roman font? Does it have 1" margins? Does it use headers (page numbers using appropriate header function)? Does it have a proper heading (with student’s name, date, course, and instructor’s name)?
|_|Yes |_|No I could be wrong but I do not believe you need the bolded subtitles.
· Are all information, quotations, and borrowed ideas cited in parenthetical APA format?
|_|Yes |_|No No quotations.
· Are all sources listed on the references page in APA format?
|_|Yes |_|No Add optional clarification here
· Is the required minimum number of sources listed?
|_|Yes |_|No Add optional clarification here
Language Use and Style
· Are the voice and tone of the essay effective in characterizing ideas and creating the appropriate mood? If “No,” please provide examples of ineffective or inappropriate voice and tone.
|_|Yes |_|No Add optional clarification here
· How effectively does the paper incorporate a variety of sentence structures that strengthen the ideas, create vitality, and avoid choppiness in the writing?
|_|Yes |_|No Add optional clarification here
· How would you assess the writer’s diction (i.e., word choice)? Does the writer use active verbs, concrete nouns, and precise words?
|_|Yes |_|No Add optional clarification here
Grammar and Mechanics
· Does the writer use proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling? If “No,” please provide examples of errors in need of correction.
|_|Yes |_|No You have a random "n" in your conclusion you need to remove.
· Is the writing clear and comprehensible throughout the draft? If “No,” please provide examples in need of improvement.
|_|Yes |_|No You need to read you paper out loud. There are couple of things that are misworded that would be easily identified if you read it out loud.
Three things that I liked about your draft are:
1. You argued for the most part on a single topic and did it well.
2. You used sources more than once so your paper was full of sourced material.
3. The flow from one point to another felt cohesive.
Three things that could be improved are:
1. Couple of grammatical improvements are necessary
2. Arguing that simply educating the masses will provide the necessary organs to me sounds naïve which hurts your credibility.
3. Intro and conclusion need some work.