.

It’s taking me a while to finish commenting on the draft, partly because I’m trying to identify places where it can be cut down so I thought I’d send some general suggestions here first:

There is plenty of good material in the draft which can be shaped into a good dissertation

The ‘shaping’ requires some thought, though: I’m not sure your original proposal and its research questions are necessarily what the bulk of this material has become, so we need to introduce it more clearly in terms of what it does contain/focus on

It needs a clear introduction which says very specifically- this dissertation focuses on a), b) and c). Chapter 1 will discuss….Chapter 2 focuses on….etc etc Similarly we need to have identified exactly from the outset what role your questionnaires play in the study, the period of research sampled etc

When you complete a section we need signposts to remind the reader where we have been and where we go next

As I mentioned before the ‘Literature Review’ section is not a literature review so change the title. The ‘requirement’ of a lit review relates to showing you have consulted academic sources, relevant scholars and have an understanding of the field- you DO cite Hall etc elsewhere, so that should be augmented without mis-titling the section 2 that you have.

Sorry forgot to put this in: Bibliography is quite impressive…but we should really see more evidence of that reading in the writing.

So where you can add quotes (or even just references to relevant further reading) you should do so- all part of making it more formal, academic and impressive.