For Ann

Methods for Managing Differences

• Express appreciation • Express optimism • Restate ground rules (refer to Resolution Ground Rules below) • Opening statement: State the issue in nonblameful, specific language and listen (I-message optional). • Invitation: Help me understand how you see this situation (empathic listening). • Question: Is there really a conflict or simply a misunderstanding? • Engage in dialogue and enforce cardinal rules. • Stay engaged until breakthrough occurs (look for mutual interests). • Reward conciliatory gestures. • Make a deal with the following steps:

o Step 1: Identify needs and interests for both parties o Step 2: Invent options for mutual gain and select the best o Step 3: Implementation plan (specific behavioral changes and steps) o Step 4: Follow-up, when and who? o Step 5: Consequences

Use “I Messages”

When you [behavior demonstrated], I feel [feeling] because [effect].

Resolution Ground Rules

• No distancing or walking away • No power plays or coercion • No personal attacks (attack the issue) • Everything said in this room stays in this room • Everyone must want to mutually resolve the situation; otherwise, arbitration may be necessary (be part

of the solution) • Participants must agree to follow through on their part of the solution as agreed upon during the session • Walk in the shoes of the other (try to understand) • Set aside preconceived solutions and hidden agendas • Agree on common goals • Create and keep a safe environment

Other Guidelines

• Before meeting, write down a brief objective paragraph about the conflict. • Write down (honestly) your emotional triggers in this conflict. • Ask a colleague who has no stake in the conflict to act as neutral participant. • As you start the meeting, state the mission of your company and team. Ask the group how resolving the

conflict will help better meet your mission.