modify essay
TO: All staff
FROM: Jamb Steet
DATE: 1/21/2020
SUBJECT: Inform bonuses
Thank you for everyone working hard and paying attention for our company.
Because everyone extremely works hard and focus on your task in the past. Our company keeps a high speed to expand and take a balance breakeven. As our company’s employees, I hope everyone keep your emotion to work. As your manager, I talked with the company CEO. I wish our company could encourage our employees.
Good news for everyone about the raise in the yearly bonuses.
Congratulation everyone! We need to pay more attention on our work so that we could make more chance to let CEO raise our bonuses again in the future.
Weaknesses:
The subject is unclear - especially the word "inform" (it doesn't go with "bonuses")
The job title is missing after the name in the FROM section.
Details are needed - what kind of bonus? How much money? When can employee get this bonus?
Additional proofreading is highly needed.
TO: Sales Team
FROM: Ray Lei, Leader
DATE: 1/22/2020
SUBJECT: Announcement about wages
Thank you for working hard in this period. In the past quarters, have you ever tried to pay attention on the sales market?
Because the market gradually was going down, our company have decreased for two consecutive quarters. Even if we tried to make the breakeven keep balance, the net income still goes down and couldn’t control by director. I hope everyone would understand this event. Our company is facing on a hard time.
Due to above situation, we will reduce 20 percent wages.
We will distribute common stock to everyone. Once the sales market increase, we will redo the wages back and raise the bonuses. We have already been worked together for lone time. I don’t want to our team dismiss because of this. I hope everyone could take pains and calm down.
Please hope everyone could understand. If you have any question, let me know and call me 312-222-9999.
Additional proofreading is needed.