Write an 8-page paper outlining the essential elements of healthy sexuality. Using the course materials(textbook and attached lecture notes) and external research, this paper will describe the ways in which healthy sexuality contributes to an individual's

Lecture Notes: Module 4

(For Exam 3)

Table of Contents

HS 301: Sex Education: Talking to Kids About Sex

Stanton Jones, Ph.D.

HS 302: Teens and Sex: Taming the Drive

Chap Clark, M.Div., Ph.D.

HS 303: Single Sexuality

Sharon Morris May, Ph.D.

HS 304: Infertility: When the Nest is Empty

William Cutrer, M.A., M.D.

Course Description

Next to learning about God’s desire and design for intimacy as adults, there is no greater challenge than teaching sex education to children. Dr. Jones traverses this slippery highway with grace and truth as he instructs people how to teach children about God’s good plan for healthy sexuality.

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will understand the various approaches and beliefs about sex education, as well as the relevance of character education to sex education.

2. Will learn a five-factor model of character building that teaches children to be pure.

3. Will learn twelve key principles that should guide effective Christian sex education.

Introduction

Many Christian parents and churches are failing to provide effective sex education to their children. Sex education is not and cannot be primarily about providing information about sex to our children, but is instead about forming and molding the character of children to lead and equip them to love purity and virtue, and to give them the strengths needed to live healthy and wholesome lives. A five-factor model of character is presented, focusing on values, beliefs, needs, strengths and supports. The session concludes with a discussion of twelve key principles that should guide effective Christian sex education.

I. The Dimensions of the Sex Education Problem

A. One in Ten Teenagers has had Sexual Intercourse before the Age of 13.

B. Current High School Statistics:

	CDC*		Ever Had Sexual Intercourse?
1999	Females	Males	Total
Grade 9	32.5	44.5	38.6
Grade 12	65.8	63.9	64.9

	CDC*		Currently Sexually Active? (sex in last 3 months?)
1999	Females	Males	Total
Grade 9	24.0	29.1	26.6
Grade 12	53.0	48.1	50.6

	CDC*		Currently Abstinent?
1999	Females	Males	Total
Grade 9	26.7	34.7	31.3
Grade 12	19.5	24.6	22.0

	CDC*		4 or More Lifetime Sex Partners?
1999	Females	Males	Total
Grade 9	7.9	15.6	11.8
Grade 12	20.6	20.6	20.6

* Data From the Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Program of the US Centers for Disease Controls (www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview )

A. Sexual intercourse statistics are not the whole story.

· Oral sex is increasingly common.

· Alcohol and drug abuse is increasingly common.

B. One out of every four teenagers will contract a sexually transmitted disease.

C. About 20% of the sexually active teenagers will get pregnant each year, and that is a 20% decline since 1991. A good number of those pregnancies will end in abortion

II. Major Approaches to Secular Sex Education

A. Straight biological education: Often offered with a presumption that kids

“just need the facts” to make the right decisions for them, and sometimes

offered in a hope that the “facts” about disease and pregnancy will “scare

them away” from premature sexual experimentation.

B. Values clarification: The attempt to “non-judgmentally” explore the values

and moral beliefs of adolescents without “imposing” moral beliefs on the kids

(because, after all, “people can’t shove beliefs down the throats of adolescents”).

C. Inoculation: An approach to preparing kids to resist pressure from peers to

have sex, on the rationale that it needs to be “their choice” when “they are

ready.”

D. Abstinence education: A good approach, but this education is typically

offered too late to really shape a child’s view of sexuality. This can only

happen effectively in the family.

III. The Solution to Christian Sex Education

A. Moral character education: The decisions children make about how they conduct themselves sexually will flow out of their moral character. Sex education is the shaping of that moral character, and it is the responsibility of parents to shape the character of their children. To do this well, someone must be committed to a life-long process of shaping your child’s sexual character.

B. The Biblical responsibility of parenting: "These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all His decrees and command that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, promised you. Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates." (Deuteronomy 6:1-9)

C. The final goal of parental sex education:

· People want more than to simply prevent their kids from contracting a terminal disease or getting pregnant.

· People want more than to simply encourage their kids to remain abstinent.

· The most important goal is to keep children safe during the formative teenage years, and to equip and empower children to enter adulthood capable of living godly, wholesome, and fulfilled lives as Christian men and women, Christian wives and husbands who will enjoy God’s blessings of sexuality in their own marriages.

IV. Major Reasons Why Parents Fail to do Sex Education

A. Parents feel incompetent due to lack of practice or lack of developed skill.

B. Parents feel incompetent due to lack of biological knowledge.

C. Parents feel inarticulate about their moral beliefs.

D. Parents feel a sense of privacy and modesty about talking about sex.

E. Parents feel a desire to protect their child from premature sexual interest and preoccupation.

F. Parents feel deeply ashamed and guilty about their past sexual behavior, and feel intimidated about the possibility of being questioned by their children.

Believers are up against a lot. But God has made them responsible to teach children and help develop their moral character. And, what He has called to do, He will enable to do it.

V. The Five Building Blocks of Sexual Character

A. Needs—All people have a need for relatedness and significance.

· Relatedness: After God created Adam, He said that it was not good for the man to be alone. God knew that He made man with a need for love and acceptance—what counselors call relatedness. He made Eve and met man’s need for relatedness--relatedness to God and to each other

· Significance: Adam and Eve were given work to do in the garden--

responsibility from God that gave their lives significance. They were to

exercise dominion over the entire created world! People each need a sense

that their lives have meaning, that they are filling a purpose. People often

tell their kids that their purpose in life is to become the kind of people that

God wants them to be--to learn to love and follow and obey Him.

· Three of the four most powerful predictors of teen sexual experimentation are closeness with parent (relatedness), personal faith (relatedness to God) and grades in school (significance).

B. Values—People teach values to their children most powerfully by the values that they as parents live by, by the choices they make.

· Actions: Children read parents like a book for what they value. Do parents say

they value time with their children, but always seem too busy to actually

spend that time with them? Do parents take greater joy in our material

possessions than in service to the Lord? It behooves all parents to do an

honest assessment of where time is going and what this says about

values. Then parents need to ask themselves "Is this what I want to teach

my child to value; is this what really matters?"

· Praise: Do parents praise their children for grades they get, or for the skills that they are developing? Do parents praise their children for fitting in, for being popular, or for showing strength and character even if, because of it, they are not accepted by others?

Parents have tried to say to their children "I'm so proud that you are doing well in school (or baseball, or piano, or friendships, etc.), but I am most proud that you love God and that you want to follow Him. If you do that, your life will always have value.”

· Recognizing virtues: It is critical to shape children to value Christian virtue--to teach them love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. (i.e.: "Jenny, you were so patient with your little sister!"

· Stories: Parents teach children values by the stories they expose them to--

books, movies, and songs.

C. Beliefs—In place of current culture’s distortions, children need to be taught a true Christian understanding of sexuality.

· God made humanity in two genders, men and women, and called each good.

· Being a physical body is good; people are bodies (though not just bodies).

· Sexuality is a good gift from God.

· Humanity is fallen, sinful, in rebellion against God, and twisted and distorted.

· God has revealed his moral will for sexual lives in the Bible.

· The act of sexual intercourse is itself given a fixed meaning and purpose:

“Haven't you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Matthew 19:4-6)

D. Skills—By shaping a child’s skills, people are helping to form their character. Parents need to ask: "What skills can I teach or train in my children that will benefit them for the rest of their lives?'' Skills are primarily taught by what people praise, by what they model, by their words of instruction, and by practice.

Here are some of the key skills parents need to teach children that will

contribute to them having a strong, godly sexual character:

· Empathy—the ability to understand others (how they feel and think).

· Strength or assertiveness—the ability to say NO to being drawn into immoral situations.

· Self control—the ability of a child to obey on his or her own (moving from living by parents’ rules to making those rules their own).

· Delay of Gratification—understanding that greater joy often comes through sacrificing immediate gratification of a desire for the sake of obtaining something better later.

· Decision Making--accurately understand the problem, think about all sides of the problem, generate solutions, think of the possible outcomes then to pick a solution.

· Supports—from parents and peers. Research indicates a powerful predictor of a child’s behavior is the behavior of his/her peer group. Parents can be a loving encouragement to our children and go that extra mile in helping them form good Christian friendships (driving to youth group, being willing to let them invite friends over often).

VI. Twelve Principles of Effective Christian Sex Education

A. Principle #1: Sexual Education is the Shaping of Character.

B. Principle #2: Parents ARE the principle sex educators; they will either have an anemic, unintentional, mixed-up and hence negative impact, or a powerful, deliberate, clear and positive impact.

C. Principle #3: Stories are as powerful, or more powerful, than principles or "logic" as a teaching tool.

D. Principle #4: The best teaching of a child occurs at "teachable moments" when discussion and instruction meshes naturally with the events and needs of daily life. One of the best goals for parents to strive for is to become an "askable" parent whom kids can come to with questions.

E. Principle #5: First messages are the most potent; it is far more powerful to form a child's view of sexuality from scratch than it is to correct the distortions they will pick up in the world.

F. Principle #6: Accurate and explicit messages are far better than cryptic, vague ones. Language that seems explicit to us can be quite obscure to a child. Parents should err on the side of providing too much information. Parents should be age-appropriate, and detailed, clear and direct.

G. Principle #7: Positive messages are more potent than negative messages. The truth of the Christian view of sex is a good, positive truth: Sex is a marvelous gift of God. As Christians we believe good is more powerful than evil.

H. Principle #8: We can’t inoculate our children against negative influences. What parents want to do is psychologically immunize their children against the germs of non-Christian immoral messages which they are soon to encounter in the world. Inoculation means deliberately introducing our kids to the arguments and pressures they will experience later on, but in the safe environment of our family, and helping them reason through how those influences are unconvincing, false, and destructive.

I. Principle #9: The closer and more positive the relationship between parent

and child, the greater the parent's influence upon the behavior of the child.

J. Principle #10: Repetition is critical; the most important messages about sexuality rarely "get through" on the first try.

K. Principle #11: Sexuality is not the most important thing in life. People must

strive to put sexuality into its proper perspective.

L. Principle #12: God can heal and redeem anything; no human actions are beyond the reach of His redeeming intent and capability. Parents must teach their children how to recover from mistakes and wrong choices by the Christian disciplines of confession, repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation.

Bibliography/Reading List

The “God’s Design for Sex” books series [awarded the 1996 Gold Medallion award by the

Evangelical Christian Publishers Association as the best book series of the year in Family and Parenting]:

Jones, Stanton & Brenna Jones. The Story of Me--Book 1 (Ages 3 to 5). (Colorado Springs,

CO: NavPress, 1995).

Nystrom, C. Before I Was Born—Book 2 (Ages 5 to 8). (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 1995).

Jones, S., & Jones, B What's the Big Deal? Why God Cares About Sex—Book 3 (Ages 8 to 11). (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 1995).

Jones, S., & Jones, B. Facing the Facts: The Truth About Sex and You.—Book 4 (Ages 11 to 14). (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 1995).

Jones, S., & Jones, B. How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex: A Life-long Approach to Shaping Your Child's Sexual Character. (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 1993). [Awarded the 1994 Gold Medallion award by the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association as the best book of the year in Family and Parenting. Translated into Korean and Russian.]

HS 301 Study Questions

1. What is the state of sexual activity among teenagers today? Why is it crucial that parents and churches strive to do a better job in the area of sex education?

2. What are the common secular approaches to sex education and how do these fall short of the Christian approach? According to the Bible, what should be the goal of Christian sex education and who is primarily responsible for carrying it out?

3. Why do so many parents fail at sex education? How can these barriers be overcome?

4. What are the five building blocks of a child’s character? How are these related to a child’s sexual character?

5. According to Stanton and Brenna Jones, what are the twelve principles of effective Christian sex education and how can these be put into practice?

Soul Care Notes

Genesis 39:7-12

Leviticus 10:1-3

Deuteronomy 11:18-19

Joshua 4:19-24

Psalm 103:17

1 Thessalonians 4:4

2 Timothy 3:14-15

Course Description

Most people believe that all there is to adolescent sexuality is “raging hormones,” and therefore assume that all people have to teach teens are strategies to “just say no.” But there is much more to human sexuality than simply a physiological drive. Especially during adolescence, sexuality becomes the focal point for a complex series of interrelated factors and urgent needs. In a culture that continues to push the limits on defining and describing sexuality as simply a plaything or a wildly free behavior that has no connection to a person’s soul, today’s youth need the church to help them sort out the varied issues regarding their sexuality and to recognize that God is faithful in helping them navigate the turbulent waters of teenage sex and sexual behavior and choices.

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will understand the biblical and theological parameters and guidelines that speak to adolescent sexuality, romantic relationships, and dating.

2. Will develop a comprehensive understanding of sexuality and sexual behavior within the context of the multiple dimensions of healthy relationships.

3. Will be able to employ the tool “The Relationship Graph” in teaching and counseling students (and singles) in how to develop and maintain healthy dating practices and choices,

Introduction

In dealing with sexuality, both the church and the culture claim that as sex is only a behavior, and it is up to each person to simply choose when it is appropriate to participate. The Bible, however, teaches that God-created sexuality is far more than a behavior or a choice; it is about the whole person. When teens struggle with their sexual feelings, urges and drives, it is important that the church help them to understand what is behind the physical drives and to see people’s bodies, souls and relational choices as God sees them. His call is to holiness, but that calling is about caring for the best of others as people develop their attitudes and make choices.

The biblical definition of love is to selflessly care more about the person who is in front of another than about meeting a person’s own needs. If one truly loves, then he/she will do whatever it takes to ensure the very best for one he/she loves.

I. The Definition and Theology of Love

In English we use love in so many ways – from “I love you Grandma” to “I love green beans.” The Greeks can help us to understand this word because they had several words for our term love rate we will use the “lowest” and “highest” form of the Greek words for love):

A. Eros – Love for a thing

· It is a selfish, “for me” kind of love.

· It is a conditional love, based on a feeling.

· It is a temporary love.

B. Agape – Love for a person

· It is a giving, “for you” kind of love.

· It is a committed love, based on a choice to care.

· It is a lasting love.

C. The pervasiveness of EROS: When teenagers have been asked which type of love best represents their world – school, community, even church – today nearly 100% of the students raise their hand for Eros. (Fifteen years ago it was more like 70%.)

Clearly this is a world where adolescent sexuality is more about a selfish attempt to grab whatever love, relationship, and (yes) sex one can, even if that means treating one’s partner as a thing instead of person worthy of gentleness, honesty, care and respect.

D. The cry out of AGAPE: When asked, in contrast, which kind of love they would like to be loved with in a dating or romantic relationship, it has remained constant at 100% in every setting, faith based or secular – “I want to be loved with Agape!”

II. The Relationship Graph

The Relationship Graph is a tool designed to help a person to understand that a person’s body and sexuality are no more and no less a part of who a person is as any other aspect of the person. God has created people whole, designed them to treat one another with respect and kindness, and called them to live as brothers and sisters who are extremely careful when it comes to how people treat one another, especially with our sexuality and sexual drive!

A. Some Definitions from 1 Thessalonians 4:3(f)

· God’s will: To be sanctified

· Sanctified: To be purified, clean; not sexually immoral

· Sexual immorality: Any sexual expression outside of God’s design,

desire and instructions for how our sexuality is to be used, which is

ultimately in the context of a committed, trusting, publicly promised safe

relationship (in most cultures that means marriage)

· Passionate Lust: Literally a “forbidden longing”; better described as

wanting to consume or obtain what is not a person’s to control (this is very

close to the meaning of eros)

B. The Relationship Graph*

Amount of Intimacy

Emotional

Physical

Social

Intellectual

Spiritual

Degree of

Commitment

(= Amount of trust in relationship)

*The Relationship Graph is designed to work as a reflective and analysis tool to determine where a relationship is displaying Agape and Eros as it plays out in everyday life. The tool is based on a percentage bar graph methodology (see the video for a more complete explanation of how this tool works).

· Intimacy: Anything of a person that is given away or handed over, and it can never be gotten back (can be in any area).

· Emotional: The place where a person feels interested, or infatuated, in pursuing a romantic relationship with someone else (this is not a bad thing, for God has designed us to feel romantic excitement).

· Physical: Typically thought in terms of sexuality, but more specifically any touching that carries romantic intent.

· Social: Any free time spent either together or involved directly with that person (like email or phone), excluding school, work, sleep, etc.

· Intellectual: Talking together.

· Spiritual: Allowing truth and issues relating to God to become a focus of connection and relationship

· Degree (or level) of Commitment: As with the definition of agape, this is where there is mutual trust that is supported by the relationship. The two lines represent, starting from the right, engagement (the far right side of the graph represents the marriage covenant as described in Scripture) and the next one to the left “of high school seniors who are ‘committed’ and ‘in love.’”

C. A Case Study of the Relationship Graph

As the Relationship Graph is filled in with a case study example of a romantic (or even friendship) relationship, the graph itself becomes the subject of analysis instead of the descriptors used to create the scores. An example of a fairly typical high school dating relationship that has little sexual boundaries and very little communicative depth follows:

Amount of Intimacy

Emotional

Physical

Social

Intellectual

Spiritual

Degree of

Commitment

D. Using the Relationship Graph as a Teaching and Counseling Tool:

· Any time any area of a relationship passes beyond the level or amount of commitment that area falls into an eros type of love in the relationship. Whether the couple is aware of this or not is not the issue. What matters is recognizing that any behavior, attitude or activity that is not driven by and grounded in committed, caring, trusting love for the other person (according to a theological definition of that concept) is by definition self-centered and, therefore, eros.

· In this case study, the areas where eros has overcome a commitment to

agape is in the amount of emotions that are driving the need to be together, the extensive sexual intimacy the couple has allowed into their relationship, and the great amount of time and energy spent with their partner. There is also little intellectual and even less spiritual connection. All this for a couple that is still a few steps away from being “committed” (as high school students define that term). This is primarily an eros relationship, and if things are not carefully and proactively turned around, both of these people are going to hurt the other and be hurt in the process. That is the nature of an eros relationship – it always ends up hurting one or both people when all is said and done.

HS 302 Study Questions

1. What does the word “love” mean in the English language? Where does the word love and its meanings originate?

2. Compare and contrast eros and agape. Which type of love characterizes the relationships of most teenagers today? Which type of love do most teens long for? Why?

3. Why is it necessary to go beyond controlling physical desires when teaching teenagers about sexual purity?

4. What is the relationship graph? Define its components, and give an example of how it works as a tool in counseling and helping teens.

5. What does 1 Thessalonians 4:3(f) teach about sexual purity and the biblical concept of love?

Soul Care Notes

Song of Solomon 3:5

John 14:15

John 15:12-13

Romans 13:8-10

1 Corinthians 8:1

1 Corinthians 13

Galatians 5:22

1 Thessalonians 4:5

2 Timothy 2:22

1 John 4:7-21

Course Description

Possibly the most neglected area of sexual concern in the church is that of sexuality for singles. Whether single by divorce, design, or death, sexual feelings and drives do not stop merely because one is unmarried. Students will learn the issues and adjustments needed to live within the parameters established by God.

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will learn a theology of single sexuality

2. Will understand the social and sexual issues singles face today

3. Will be able to understand the demographic shifts in single culture, and learn how to help singles find sexual healing and healthy relationships

Introduction

Demographics of singles have changed and our single culture has shifted. This video will not merely deal with the do’s and don’ts of single sexuality, but addresses the new issues facing single culture today. Using a panel of experts in single sexuality, students will learn the proper theology of sexuality and how to help singles develop healthy integrated relationships within the church body.

I. The Demographics of Singles

A. The Demographic Shift

· 1900 – Only 5% single

· 1996 – 40% of adult population was single (1 in 4 never married)

B. Reasons for the Demographic Shift

· College attendance & career development

· Increased divorce rate

· Single moms

· Women in the workplace

C. Future Demographics: Single Adults May Exceed Married Adults

II. How Our Culture Impacts Single Sexuality

A. Dr. Chap Clark

· Media’s false portrayal of sexuality

· Secret problem of fragmentation & loneliness

B. Dr. Catherine Hart Weber

· Men & sexual images

· Women & sexual images

1. Poor body image

2. Depression

C. Pastor Chris Adams:

· Difficulty of separating values and mindset

· Two key issues

1. Sexual addictions

2. Unresolved sexual trauma

D. Jennifer Cisney:

· Lack of sexual dialogue in churches

· Lack of spiritual support for singles with sexual issues

III. What is Occurring Among Singles Sexually Today

A. Emotional Involvement = Sexual Involvement

B. The Definition of Sex has Changed: Sex = Intercourse

C. The Myth: Sexuality and Spirituality are Separate

IV. The Theology of Sexuality

A. Sexuality is an Expression of Spiritual Intimacy

· It is about others.

· It is reflective of a relationship with God.

B. Sexuality after the Fall of Man became Selfish

· It is about meeting individual needs.

· It does not have limits.

C. The Differences between Males and Females

D. Singles are acting out of loneliness rather than from a theology of sex.

E. Sexuality involves much more than having sex.

F. Intimacy and emotional needs are not met through sex alone.

G. The Tension of Sexual Frustrations in the Single Season of Life

· The theology of sex is about freedom not frustrations

· Sexual issues should be talked about with freedom and honesty in the church

· Keeping the sexuality issues quiet forces the singles to turn outside the church

V. Sexual Healing

A. Where does sexual healing come from?

· Understanding God can heal or redeem anything

· Finding someone to walk you through sexual healing

B. What does sexual healing look like in the church?

· The opportunity to talk about past pain of sexual abuse or sin

· The healing process through community and accountability groups

· Professional help vs. community help

1. Community is the primary tool

2. The church is called to be “dispensers of grace”

· Integrating singles into the body of Christ

1. Integration vs. segregation

2. Inter-generational connectedness

· Leadership that is comfortable with their own sexuality

· Promoting heart change rather than programs

VI. Healthy Relationships among Singles

A. How does the church foster healthy single relationships?

· Non-dating relationships with the opposite sex are essential.

· Dating should occur within the realm of community groups.

· Honest dialogue needs to occur under the authority of the church.

B. What roles do grace and the Gospel play in single sexuality?

VII. Dr. Doug Rosenau’s Theological Conclusion on Single Sexuality

A. “True Love Waits”

· The creation of sexuality and gender

· The covenant relationship of marriage

· Soul virginity

B. “Don’t”

· Repression vs. discipline

· Creating a heart attitude

· Behaviors resulting from values and open dialogue

Bibliography/Reading List

Clark, Chap. Next Time I Fall in Love. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1987).

Clinton, Tim and Gary Sibcy. Attachments. (Integrity Publishers, 2002).

Elliot, Elisabeth. Quest for Love. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1996).

Hart, Archibald. The Sexual Man: Masculinity Without Guilt. (Dallas, TX: Word, 1998).

Hart, Archibald, and Sharon Hart Morris. Safe Haven Marriage. (Grand Rapids, MI: Word,

2003).

Hart, Archibald, Catherine Hart Weber & Debra Taylor. Secrets of Eve. (Nashville, TN:

Word/Nelson, 1998).

Hsu, Albert. Singles at the Crossroads: A Fresh Perspective on Christian Singleness.

(Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1997).

Rosenau, Doug. The Celebration of Sex. (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2002).

Storkey, Elaine. The Search for Intimacy. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1995).

HS 303 Study Questions

1. How have the demographics of singles changed in the past 100 years? What are the reasons for these demographic shifts?

2. How has changing culture impacted the sexuality of singles today? What are the major issues singles face concerning their sexuality?

3. What is the proper theology of single sexuality? Does it lead to frustration or freedom?

4. What does sexual healing look like? How can the church foster sexual healing and healthy relationships among singles?

5. What conclusions did Dr. Rosenau add to the discussion of single sexuality and the church’s role in healthy single relationships?

Soul Care Notes

Genesis 1:27-28

Genesis 2:18

Genesis 39:7-12

Exodus 15:20

Psalm 69:1-12

Luke 2:36

1 Thessalonians 4:4

Hebrews 13:5

.

Course Description

The apparent inability to conceive and have children is one of the most devastating realities that 1 in 6 couples face. This course first addresses positive ways to tackle the initial setback by looking into revolutionary medical advances. Secondly, if infertility can’t be overcome, students will be taught how to come with and repair the challenges that come.

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will be able to articulate a simple theology of dealing with temptation, while recognizing the importance of dying to sin in overcoming strongholds.

2. Will be able to identify some biblical ways of exerting self-control over unwanted sexual attraction, as well as two categories of coping strategies discovered in psychological research.

3. Will be able to describe the implications of a study of sexual attraction experienced by pastors, psychologists, and business managers.

Introduction

Infertility and pregnancy loss are very common problems resulting from the curse of sin after man’s fall. In this course we will explore the complex issues that couples face while dealing with these difficulties: spiritual, marital, ethical, emotional and medical. Dr. Cutrer draws from both medical and counseling expertise to help us understand how to better help couples struggling with the loss and grief of infertility.

I. Biblical Background on Sexuality

A. Perfect Sexuality (Genesis 1,2)

· Innocence

· Imperative to reproduce (Genesis 1:26-28)

· Intimacy without shame (Genesis 2)

B. Penalty for Sin (Genesis 3)

· Curse on husband

· Curse on wife

1. Pain in conception – Implications for infertility and pregnancy loss

2. Pain in Childbearing

II. Medical Definitions of Infertility

A. Primary Infertility: The Inability to Conceive after One Year of Unprotected Intercourse or the Inability to Carry a Pregnancy to Term

B. Secondary Infertility: The Inability to Conceive or Carry a Child to Term after One or More Live Births.

C. How Common is Infertility?

· Approximately one in six couples of childbearing age

· Eventually half of these couples will experience a live birth

· Infertility includes pregnancy loss

1. 800,000 in the U.S. each year

2. 120,000 annually suffer at least their third consecutive pregnancy loss

3. Estimated that 30-50% of all conceptions end in pregnancy loss

These statistics are evidence that the curse of child-bearing affects

people all the way back to the point of conception and causes profound pain and sexual difficulties in marriage.

III. Common Misconceptions about Infertility

A. Myth: “Its mostly a woman’s problem and it’s usually ‘all in her head.’ Either she wants children too much or she’s too ‘into her career’. Solution: She just needs to relax.”

Fact:

· 30% female factors

· 30% male factors

· 35% combination male/female

· 5% unexplained

· 95% of the time there is a diagnosable medical reason for which NO amount of relaxing will help.

B. Myth: “Couples have a lot of fun trying.”

Fact:

· 56% of couples report a decrease in frequency of sexual relations.

· Both women (59%) and men (42%) report a decrease in sexual satisfaction.

· Sexual difficulties are five times those of fertile couples.

C. Myth: “You can always adopt.”

Fact:

· Adoption is not the solution to infertility.

· Adoption does not solve many unfulfilled desires of parenting (genetic similarities; experiencing pregnancy, child birth, or breastfeeding).

· Adoption usually emerges as a good option only after the couple has reached the “acceptance” stage of grieving over infertility.

· Adoption is expensive.

· Adoption takes time.

· Not everyone may adopt.

· Adoption is not for everyone.

· The adoption process often involves more losses.

D. Myth: “Real Christians are against any assisted reproductive technologies.”

· Response: Godly Christians, if they choose to use these technologies, need to use them wisely, in a way that honors the dignity of life, even at the one-celled stage.

· Arguments against medical intervention:

1. God opens and closes the womb.

2. Medical intervention is “playing God.”

3. Doctors take huge risks with embryos.

· Arguments for medical intervention:

1. Paul advised Timothy to drink “fruit of the vine” for his stomach’s sake.

2. We use chemotherapy for cancer, antibiotics for infections, insulin for diabetes.

3. Why not use medications for overcoming reproductive ailments?

IV. The Medical Processes of Infertility Evaluation

A. Ovulation Tests

B. Basal Body Temperature

C. LH Surge Kits

D. Progesterone Levels

E. Ultrasound Tests

F. Saliva Test

G. Semen Evaluation

H. Semen Analysis

I. Hamster Egg Penetration Test

J. Sims-Huhner: Post Coital Test

K. Anatomical Evaluation

· Hysterosalpingogram

· Ultrasound

· Laparoscopy

L. Hormone Evaluation

· Estrogen/Progesterone

· Thyroid

· Prolactin

· Androgens

V. Infertility Treatment Options & Ethical Concerns

A. Medical Options

· Hormone therapy

· Ovulation induction

B. Surgical Options

· Laparoscopic

· Microscopic

C. Treatment Options

· Insemination

1. Husband

2. Donor

· Hyperstimulation/IUI

· Surrogacy

1. Traditional

2. Gestational

D. Hi-Tech Treatment Options

· GIFT

· ZIFT

· IVF-ET

· Micromanipulation

1. ICSI

2. ROSNI

3. Assisted hatching

· Additional issues

· Cryopreservation

1. Sperm

2. Eggs

3. Embryos

· Selective reduction

VI. Counseling Strategies for Couples Dealing with Infertility

A. Ask God for Wisdom: “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God,

who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to

him.” James 1:5

B. Infertility is about Loss:

· Grief is normal but rarely parallel between husband and wife.

· Couples need to complete the grief process.

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Mourning

6. Acceptance

C. Pain is Profound: “Cycle within a cycle”

· Monthly hope & despair along with lifetime cycle of tests, finances, new procedures, etc.

· Anticipate that anniversaries of sad events and holidays, especially Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, will be difficult.

D. Stress is Real: It ranks very high along with divorce, death of a loved one and even cancer.

· Sexual difficulties are common.

· Marital difficulties are common.

E. When Others Make Insensitive Remarks:

· Pray that the individual will grow in grace.

· Return good for what someone perceives to be evil.

· Feel free to be upset in private.

· When possible, educate them.

· Look for ways to glorify God.

· Minister to others who hurt in similar ways.

· Use pain as a doorway to reach the lost.

· Knowing that a glorious future awaits, rejoice in affliction (Romans 5).

· Worship, Worship, Worship

· Pray the Psalms.

· Listen to praise and worship music.

· Become involved in a supportive Christian group.

· Find a compassionate counselor.

Bibliography/Reading List

Cutrer, William. When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden: Encouragement for Couples

Experiencing Infertility. (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman).

Cutrer, William. Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. (Grand Rapids, MI, Kregel Publications).

Cutrer, William and Glahn, Sandra. The Infertility Companion. (Grand Rapids, MI:

Zondervan, 2003).

Rosenau, Doug. The Celebration of Sex. (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2002).

HS 304 Study Questions

What is the biblical background on sexuality? How did the curse of sin affect the ability to bear children from conception through birth?

What is the medical definition of infertility and how common is it today?

What are some common misconceptions about infertility? How do the facts contradict these myths?

What types of medical evaluations will couples struggling with infertility have to face? What are some treatment options that are available to them today?

How can someone best help couples going through the battle of infertility? What are some ethical guidelines that would help couples evaluate their treatment options and choices? In light of God’s sovereignty, is it right or wrong to try infertility treatments?

Soul Care Notes

Genesis 18:11-12

Genesis 29:32

Genesis 44:30

1 Samuel 30:4-6

2 Samuel 1:17

Ezra 4:4

John 16:33

Galatians 6:9

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

SEXUAL CHALLENGES

HS 301

SEX EDUCATION: TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT SEX

Stanton Jones, Ph.D.

HS 302

TEENS AND SEX: TAMING THE DRIVE

Chap Clark, M.Div., Ph.D.

Seventeen magazine and the Kaiser Family Foundation teamed up to survey teens about sex. Some of the findings from the most recent “SexSmarts” survey of 503 15-17 year old teens:

·  37% of sexually active teens’ parents don’t know they are having sex.

· 56% of sexually active teens have never talked with a parent about sexual decision making.

KEY POINT: To equip teens to connect their desire to want to be loved with agape with their romantic relationships counselors must help them to treat others wth agape as God has called them.

“It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.” -- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 (NIV)

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-- for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! Take me away with you--let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers. We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine. How right they are to adore you!” – Song of Songs 1:2-4

HS 303

SINGLE SEXUALITY

Sharon Morris May, Ph.D.

HS 304

INFERTILITY: WHEN THE NEST IS EMPTY

William Cutrer, M.A., M.D.