Write an 8-page paper outlining the essential elements of healthy sexuality. Using the course materials(textbook and attached lecture notes) and external research, this paper will describe the ways in which healthy sexuality contributes to an individual's

Lecture Notes: Module 2

(For Exam 1)

Table of Contents

HS 105: Male and Female: Understanding Gender and Sexual Response

Archibald Hart, Ph.D., Catherine Hart Weber, Ph.D., Debra Taylor, M.A.

HS 106: Passionate Intimacy: Sexual Response During Love Making

Doug Rosenau, Th.M., Ed.D.

Course Description

Scripture says God created both male and female – for a reason. There are major gender differences in sexual desire, arousal, and response between males and females. Men are microwaves, quick to respond to sexual stimulus. Women are crockpots, a slow simmering of sexual feelings influenced by a variety of emotions. Hart, Weber, and Taylor outline male and female sexuality as it follows the response curve of sexual thinking, arousal, and pleasure.

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will be able to identify the similarities between the needs of men and women.

2. Will be able to identify the physical and sexual differences between men and women.

3. Will understand how to bridge the gap between men and women within the marriage relationship and enhance intimacy.

Introduction

Modern sexuality has been distorted by the media, cultural values and sin. As a result of taking sex out of the protection of the marriage relationship, men and woman are further apart sexually than ever before. The purpose of this course is to present a clearer understanding of both male and female sexuality as God created it in order to help bridge the gender gap between men and women.

I. Why Should We Be Concerned About Sexuality?

A. Modern Trends

· Sexuality has lost its way.

· Modern sexuality is grossly distorted by media, modern values and sin.

· Modern sexuality is dangerous to women and children.

· The sexual revolution took sex out of marriage and relationships, and as a result, men and women have never been further apart.

B. Biblical Truth

· 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4

· The quality of a person’s sexuality is closely tied to the quality of his/her spirituality.

A. Major Studies of the Sexuality of Christians

· The Sexual Man (2000 Christian Men)

· Secrets of Eve (2000 Christian Women)

Men and women are different yet similar—different in physical and sexual function, yet similar in needs and desires, different in form yet similar in the image of God. The challenge of marriage is to blend the differences into the balance and completion of one flesh.

II. What are the Differences between Men and Women Concerning Sexuality?

A. How Often They Think About Sex

· Women typically think about sex less than men.

1. Most women only think about sex once a week.

2. Most men think about sex at least once a day.

· Men are more visually oriented.

1. A man’s optic nerve in connected to his genitals. The connection between an image and sexual arousal is powerful and instantaneous.

2. Men are bombarded with sexual images, which leads to thinking more frequently about sex.

3. Woman can utilize this technique in marriage by stimulating their optic nerves to increase their desire for sex. Visualization can help women think more frequently and positively about sex to meet their husbands “in the middle.”

A. What They Want From and Enjoy About Sex

· What do women really want?

1. To be close

2. To spend time together

3. To talk together

4. Romance

5. To be able to say “not now”

6. To be appreciated

7. To please their husbands

· What do men really want?

1. A more complete sexual experience

i. Men want more sex.

ii. Men confuse emotional needs with sexual needs.

iii. Men long to open up emotionally.

2. The full experience of their sexuality to be respected

i. Men don’t want to be viewed as “abnormal”

ii. Sometimes men just want times together—not just sex.

B. Energy Resources for Sex

· Having children in the home directly affects energy for sex, especially for women.

· Suggestions for increasing energy:

1. Get a medical check up.

2. Be nurtured so there is energy to give.

3. Exercise regularly.

4. Eat well-balanced mini meals every day (5 recommended).

5. Relax to recover from stress.

6. Get enough sleep (8-9 hours per night).

7. Resolve energy drainers (relationship conflicts, frustrations, negative emotions, indecision).

8. Share household and parenting responsibilities.

9. Laugh a lot!

· Suggestions for making sex a priority:

1. Nurture the intimacy in the relationship.

2. Schedule time for sex.

3. Foster the sexual resources (energy, positive thoughts, relationship connection).

4. Be creative with the amount of time one has.

· What to do when one doesn’t feel like sex:

1. Sex and intimacy is a choice; love is an action.

2. Don’t wait for the right “mood”; the feelings of desire will come.

3. Resolve the issues that “go beyond the sex.”

C. Concerns About Body Image

· What affects a woman’s sexual desire?

1. #1 - Menstrual cycle

2. #2 - How a person feels about his/her body

3. #3 - How much a person weighs

4. #4 - How fit a person feels

5. #5 – Menopause

· How can women build a better body image?

1. Awareness – Listen and respond to one’s inner body cues.

2. Appreciation – Remember everyone is created in God’s image.

3. Acceptance – Be realistic of what one can and can’t change; don’t compare and contrast to others. Expect changes in life.

D. How Often They Want to Have Sex

· Frequency & satisfaction patterns:

1. Most married couples in America have sex between 2-3 times a week and once a month.

2. Most men want to have sex more often.

3. Most women are satisfied with their frequency of sex.

· Sexual hormones influencing desire:

1. Men are like a river – Testosterone flows steady and constant. A man responds by touch to genitals and physical “build up.” He feels the need to be “emptied out.”

2. Women are like an ocean – Hormones ebb and flow, depending on her cycle. She responds by accumulated touches in many parts of her body and the quality of the relationship. She longs to be “filled up.”

· Complexity of factors impacting female sexuality:

1. Socio-cultural

2. Physical

3. Psychological

4. Relational / Emotional

5. Spiritual

· Increasing desire in one’s heart and mind:

1. LOVE is the most powerful enhancer of sexual desire. To have great sex, one must have great marital intimacy connection and a great quality of friendship.

Do loving things for your partner and you will soon begin to “feel” the love.

2. The BRAIN is the center for desire. Think more positively and frequently about sex together.

· Stimulating your brain’s sexual desire response:

1. Desire Accelerators: Love, romance, closeness, friendship, imagination, positive attitude, attractive partner, testosterone, husband’s praise of the wife’s body, time to nurture oneself.

2. Desire Breakers: Fatigue, depression, stress, anger, anxiety, negative body image, negative thoughts, changes in attitude about the person or partner, sexual response problems, hormone levels, unattractive partner, criticism, medication, pain/illness, previous sexual trauma.

· Increasing desire for women:

1. Guard and nurture the heart, mind, energy and relationships.

2. Eat foods rich in zinc, take supplements, or ask a doctor about extra testosterone or hormone replacement.

3. Check medication side effects.

4. Exercise your body to boost energy, moods and self esteem.

· How does a counselor know if a person is suffering from sexual dysfunction?

1. If sex is causing personal distress.

2. If sex is affecting quality of life, well being or marriage relationship.

3. If a person is not responding to sex the way he/she used to (no desire or arousal, lack of orgasm, pain).

· Recommendations concerning medical helps:

F. How People Connect Sexually

Both men and women are designed for and long for love, emotional connection and intimacy .

· Women first want to feel emotionally close, then have sex.

· Men feel emotionally close while having sex.

· Enhancing intimacy

1. Be available. Nurture emotional connection and friendship.

2. Stay intimate with God as a couple for increased passion.

3. Offer trust and respect. Be a “safe” place for one’s partner’s emotions, dreams and being.

4. Listen to one’s partner. Understand and respond to each other’s needs and love language.

5. Affirm and focus on one’s partner’s positive qualities.

Bibliography/Reading List

Hart, Archibald. The Sexual Man: Masculinity Without Guilt . (Dallas, TX: Word Publishing,

1994).

Hart, Archibald, Catherine Hart Weber & Debra Taylor. Secrets of Eve. (Nashville, TN:

Word/Nelson, 1998).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. What Every Wife Wants Her Husband to Know About Sex.(Dallas,

TX: Word, 1998).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. 52 Ways to Have Fun, Fantastic Sex . (Nashville, TN: Thomas

Nelson, 1994).

HS 105 Study Questions

1. How has the distortion of modern sexuality caused a separation between men and women? What can married couples do to connect and build intimacy in their relationships?

2. How do men and women differ in how often they think about sex?

3. How do men and women differ in what they want from and enjoy about sex?

4. How does the amount of energy and raising children in the home affect the quality of sex lives? What can people do to increase our energy levels?

5. How do body images and hormones affect men and women differently concerning sexual desire?

Soul Care Notes

Numbers 27:1-11

Judges 4:4-10

Proverbs 31:10-31

Ezekiel 22:30

1 Corinthians 11:2-6

1 Timothy 6:11

1 Peter 3:3-4

Course Description

This lesson will guide people into deeper understanding of sexual intimacy, as the scriptural concepts for male and female and one-flesh companions within the covenant of marriage are studied. It will explore questions such as, “How do people truly learn to ‘know’ someone and be ‘naked and unashamed?’” What natural aphrodisiacs promote playfulness and passion? What are the five spiritual disciplines that encourage passionate intimacy? Why is it better to attend to the sexual desires of one’s mate? What is the “heart of the act” in making love for optimal pleasure?

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will understand why God gave married couples the gift of sex.

2. Will know how to build passion into their marriages.

3. Will understand how to enjoy their sensual desires within marriage.

Introduction

Sex is a glorious gift from God with excitement and pleasures to be enjoyed by both marriage partners. It is so intimately tied to spirituality that it has tremendous potential to bring glory to the Father as long as it is approached correctly.

Sexuality should be considered “holy ground” because it is so closely tied to s spirituality and has such tremendous potential to bring glory to God.

I. Why Did God Create Sex?

A. Observations:

· A gift for all

· “Some assembly is required”

· Intended to help us experience holiness, intimacy and fun

B. Presupposition:

· Better sex is about more than just pleasure or new techniques

· Better sex is about maturing the marriage relationship

· Fulfilling sex results from a fulfilled relationship with Christ

· Distinctions between having sex and making love

C. Spiritual Metaphors:

· The unity of body, soul and spirit: Two becoming one

· Reflecting the character of God: Taking on his characteristics

· Intimacy in the marriage relationship: Spiritual intimacy

A person’s relationship with God and his/her spirituality is closely tied to love-making.

II. Pursuing Deeply Connected Love-Making

A. Recognize that Sex is More than a Physical Act

· Intimacy or deep connection is the goal

· Sex is not one-dimensional

· Genesis 4:1 – “To know, to be made known, to receive”

B. Realize that Love-Making Requires Vulnerability and Acceptance

· Teaches a person to learn forgiveness and grace

· Teaches a person to reflect the fruit of the Spirit

· Teaches a person to reflect child-like faith

· Teaches a person to face self-esteem and pride issues

C. Set Aside Time to Work on Connecting with One Another

· Getting past the hurts

· Working on becoming an intimate person

III. Building the Foundation for Passion

A. Defining Passion

· Not connected to body images

· Difficult for women to define

· Not connected to age and shape

B. Gender Differences

· Women are constantly flooded with other responsibilities

1. Thinking about sex is more of a choice

2. Compartmentalizing responsibilities is helpful

· Men are more genetically wired for sex

C. Communication: Finding Common Terminology for Love-Making

· Acceptance and rejection terminology

· Verbal and nonverbal communication

IV. Enjoying Sensual Desire and Arousal

A. Thoughts about Sexuality

· Separate enjoyment from guilt

· Make mental preparations

B. Structuring One’s Time and Home Life for Sex

C. Creating a Conducive Environment (Mood Setters)

D. Opening Up Sensuality (Using the Senses)

· Understanding sensuality

· Focusing on the moment

E. Being Vulnerable and Child-Like

Believers have permission from God to enjoy physical and sexual appetites in the way He created people.

V. Becoming One Flesh

A. The Boundaries Intended within the Commitment of Marriage

B. God’s Original Plan for Love-Making

Bibliography/Reading List

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start. (Dallas, TX: Word, 1994).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. Restoring the Pleasure. (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1993).

Rosenau, Doug. The Celebration of Sex . (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2002).

Rosenau, Doug. The Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds . (Nashville, TN, Thomas Nelson,

2002).

HS 106 Study Questions

1. Why did God give people the gift of sex? How is sexual intimacy tied to spiritual intimacy?

2. What is the difference between sex and love-making as defined in this lesson? How does love-making bring glory to God?

3. How do people pursue deeply connected love-making? What are the boundaries for fulfilling love-making?

4. What is passion? How is it hindered or enhanced within a marriage relationship?

5. What does it mean to be sensual? How do people enjoy our sensual desires with their spouses?

Soul Care Notes

Ruth 1:16-17

John 14:21-23

Song of Solomon 7:6-12

1 Corinthians 7:2-5

SEXUAL FOUNDATIONS

HS 105

MALE AND FEMALE: UNDERSTANDING GENDER AND SEXUAL RESPONSE

Archibald Hart, Ph.D., Catherine Hart Weber, Ph.D., and Debra Tayor, M.A.

HS 106

PASSIONATE INTIMACY: SEXUAL RESPONSE DURING LOVE MAKING

Doug Rosenau, Th.M., Ed.D., Debra Taylor, M.A., Chris McCluskey, M.S.W., and Michael Sytsma, Ph.D.