Essay revision help
DRAFT 1 FEEDBACK AND REVISION
FEEDBACK SUMMARY
1. Overall organization – adding or subtracting ideas from your myth/moving things around. Remember that this is going to be one larger paper.
2. Myth statement clarity – colloquial language (what is the idea that you are trying to debunk, as it might be stated by a person who believes it?)
3. Paragraph organization (internal)
• topic sentences and analytical concluding statements – tell the reader HOW this information addresses the myth/argument
• One paragraph = one topic
• Every paragraph linked clearly and directly to the overall argument (ask yourself: What does it say, and what does it do?)
• Paragraphs that are too long or too short usually indicate a structural problem
4. Specificity
• Be specific with language. Who are you talking about? Mexicans, Mexican Americans, Mexican immigrants, first generation/second generation, ethnic Mexicans
• Historicity**** what time period are you talking about?
5. Mile markers and sign posts can be useful – “This is significant because…” or “This is problematic/untrue because…” (good ways to clearly indicate the point)
6. Next time, you will get an incomplete if you do not submit the cover letter.
7. Effort is obvious – I can tell
REVISION
• Everyone needs to revise. (Points in rubric)
• Revisions in track changes please!
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_knruAysnA
• Today:
• Learn what revision means and how to do it.
• Learn how to revise at the paragraph-level.
• Leave class with a plan for revision.
“RE-VISION”
• “to see again,”
• To look at something from a fresh, critical perspective.
• Revision is an ongoing process of rethinking and rewriting the paper
• reconsidering your arguments,
• reviewing your evidence,
• refining your purpose,
• reorganizing your presentation
WHAT DO EXPERIENCED WRITERS SAY ABOUT REVISION?
• It’s a matter of looking at the kernel of what I have written, the content, and then thinking about it, responding to it, making decisions, and then actually restructuring it.
• It means taking apart what I have written and putting it back together again. I ask major theoretical questions of my ideas, respond to those questions, and think of proportion and structure…I find out which ideas should be developed and which ones need to be dropped. I am constantly chiseling and changing as I revise.
• Rewriting means on one level, finding the argument, and then on another level, language changes to make the argument more effective
Additional resource:
https://teachingcommons.stanford.edu/teaching-talk/revision-strategies- encourage-strong-student-writing
WHAT REVISION IS NOT…
• Fixing the commas and spelling of what you’ve already written
• Rewording what you’ve already written
• Finding better words to replace what you’ve already written
• Copy-editing or proofreading
• Easy, quick, or painless
WHY IS REVISION IMPORTANT?
• Writing is a process of discovery, and you don’t always produce your best stuff when you first get started. So revision is a chance for you to look critically at what you have written to see
• if it’s really worth saying,
• if it says what you wanted to say, and
• if a reader will understand what you’re saying.
SOME SUGGESTED STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL REVISION
• Step 1: Revisit the assignment description
• Step 2: Review your work
• Step 3: Consider feedback
• Step 4: Make Priorities
• Step 5: Dig in
• “Think BIG – don’t tinker.”
• USE TRACK CHANGES**
• Step 6: Do it again
REVISION REQUIRES TIME AND THOUGHT
Start revising early so that you can return to the piece again and again and make minor changes over the rest of the semester, rather than trying to fix everything all at the end.
Start by revising structural concerns. Go in this order:
1. Structure of overall essay/argument
2. Structure of paragraphs – topic sentences, “meat,” analytical/concluding sentences
3. Sentence-level revisions, vocabulary, finesse
NEXT STAGE OF REVISION – SENTENCE LEVEL
• A matter of: using the right words, putting them in the right order, developing your voice, varying sentence structure, concision/precision/clarity of language.
• We will discuss this later on, or you can meet with me in-person to get some tips
• For now, focus on structural concerns – overall or in paragraphs
USE THIS CHECKLIST …
Check the focus of the paper:
❑ Is it appropriate to the assignment?
❑ Is the topic too big or too narrow?
❑ Do you stay on track through the entire paper? o Do the details support the main idea/thesis? (You can
ask this question of each paragraph, or even of each sentence.)
o Does the order of the details make sense?
Think honestly about your argument:
❑ Do you still agree with it?
❑ Should it be modified in light of something you discovered as you wrote the paper? Does your evidence actually support your argument as you first wrote it, or did you write your way to another destination?
❑ Does it make a sophisticated, provocative point, or does it just say what anyone could say if given the same topic?
DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DELETE KEY…
If you love it too much, or are too scared to use the delete key, use the “cut” key instead.
Cut and paste text that you are unsure about into a separate document and SAVE IT – either to be reincorporated later, or incorporated into another piece of writing.
“It’s better to have written and lost, than never to have written at all” – Tennyson
REVERSE OUTLINING
• After you have written a piece of text, ask yourself:
• What is the main topic of this paragraph?
• What is the argument I’m making in this paragraph?
• What is the evidence that I use?
• Is it the most effective piece of evidence for the point I’m trying to make?
• Does this paragraph support/develop the overall point I’m trying to make about the myth?
• Did writing the text the way I had outlined it work well? Or as I wrote it did I realize that I had to move some things around, or find additional evidence?
Then - Write out the answers to yourself in FULL SENTENCES. These sentences may not make it into your actual paper, but they will help you to organize and develop your thinking process, which will make the writing easier.
DIALOGUE WITH YOUR WRITING
• If you have a difficult time answering any of these questions… or if the answer to #3a or #4 is “NO” – then you must ask yourself WHY and reconsider your approach, your point, or your evidence.
• Write yourself a note (in full sentences!) describing the problem you identified, and list a few ideas for how to fix it.
After you have written a piece of text, ask yourself:
1. What is the main topic of this paragraph?
2. What is the argument I’m making in this paragraph?
3. What is the evidence that I use?
a) Is it the most effective piece of evidence for the point I’m trying to make?
4. Does this paragraph support/develop the overall point I’m trying to make about the myth?
Then - Write out the answers to yourself in FULL SENTENCES. These sentences may not make it into your actual paper, but they will help you to organize and develop your thinking process, which will make the writing easier.
PARAGRAPH REVISION
PRIMARY CONCERNS IN PARAGRAPH REVISION
• Topic sentences
• Strategic use of evidence – if it doesn’t DIRECTLY prove your point, don’t use it.
• Logical flow of ideas – constructing a narrative arc
• One paragraph, one idea
• Concluding statement/analysis
TOPIC SENTENCES
A topic sentence is a one sentence summary of a paragraph’s main point, which directly relates to and supports the essay’s thesis.
In this class, each major body paragraph will begin with a topic sentence.
Good topic sentences can improve an essay's readability and organization. They usually meet the following criteria:
1. First sentence. A topic sentence is usually the first sentence of the paragraph, not the last sentence of the previous paragraph.
2. Link to thesis. Topic sentences use keywords or phrases from the thesis to indicate which part of the thesis will be discussed.
3. Introduce the subject of the paragraph. They tell the reader what concept will be discussed and provide an introduction to the paragraph.
4. Link to the previous paragraph. They link the subject of the present paragraph to that of the previous paragraph.
5. Indicate the progression of the essay. Topic sentences may also signal to the reader where the essay has been and where it is headed through signposting words such as "first," "second," or "finally."
• Topic sentences… Should directly tie the evidence to the thesis/argument.
• http://public.wsu.edu/~campbelld/topic.htm
PARAGRAPHS AND BEYOND…
• Unity - Don’t be random.
• A paragraph is unified if all its sentences relate directly to its topic sentence.
• An essay is unified if all its topic sentences relate directly to its thesis statement.
• Purpose - Don’t be arbitrary
• For each sentence, ask yourself – is this relevant to the main point I articulated in my topic sentence? If not, does it belong elsewhere? Is it actually irrelevant to the whole paper?
Please take 2 minutes to answer these questions (full sentences):
• What is your overall plan for revision?
• Have you started revising yet? • What have you done so far, and
why? • What do you plan to do next?
(Hold on to these answers – not to be handed in)
OTHER RESOURCES
Optional student-led conferences
• You are now prepared to engage in your own revisions.
• HOWEVER if you still want input from me you can sign up for a Student-Led Conference
• Guidelines on Canvas
• YOU are in charge. YOU do some prep-work and then YOU lead the conference
• Email me to schedule.
The Writing Center (free tutoring services)