+Women’s Desire for Connection vs. Men’s Desire for Status
women seek Connection
men seek status
+Rapport Talk vs. Report Talk
rapport talk
: The typical conversation style of women, which seeks to establish connection with others
report talk
: The typical mono logic style of men, which seeks to command attention, convey information, and win arguments.
+How do men and women typically differ on each of the following 4 behaviors?
Telling Stories
Women:
-stories women tell about themselves reveal a great deal about their hopes, needs and values
-downplay themselves
-show attentiveness through verbal and nonverbal cues
-interrupts to show agreement, to give support, or to supply what she thinks the speaker will say (a cooperative overlap)
Men:
-humour stories have an air of "can you top this one?"
-tell more stories and jokes than women (masculine way to negotiate status)
-are heroes in their own stories
-may avoid attentiveness to keep from appearing "one-down"
-regard any interruption as a power move
Women:
hold eye contact, offer head nods or yeah...uhuh or other responses to show they are actively listening. Interruptions offer support.
Men:
overt style is to say "I agree with you" to avoid a one down stance. Men interrupt to take control of the conversation or to switch the conversation.
Listening and Interruptions
Asking Questions
Men:
-don't ask for help as questions are a form of verbal sparing and public face is more important
-don't ask for help because it exposes their ignorance
Women:
-ask questions to establish a connection with others
-when stating opinions often use tag questions to soften the sting of potential disagreement and to invite participation in open, friendly dialogue; "That was a good movie, don't you think?|
Conflict
Women:
-threat to connection, to be avoided at all costs
Men:
-life is a contest therefore more comfortable with conflict, usually initiate it
-wary about being told what to do