DISCUSSION POSTS
CHAPTER 4
Performances
Copyright © 2019 W. W. Norton & Company
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Chapter 4 Performances
“You’re born naked and the rest is drag.”—RuPaul
Copyright © 2019 W. W. Norton & Company
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Chapter Outline
How to Do Gender
Learning the Rules
Why We Follow the Rules
How to Break the Rules
The No. 1 Gender Rule
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The areas covered in this chapter are these. An important point that I hope you have learned so far is that it’s not whether biology or culture is more important in forming men and women, but how biology and culture interact to produce a person’s gender identity.
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Q & A
We do act in gendered ways much of the time, leading us to pose the question,
If men and women aren’t naturally opposite, then why do they act so differently so much of the time?
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We learned from the previous chapter that while there are some biological forces pushing us apart, there are others, like possible evolutionary benefits of similarity, our bodies responses’ to cultural influences, and the intersections of our identities, that might bring us closer together. We all do gender daily, both consciously and unconsciously.
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Men and women do seem to be different in their choices about use of time and effort, often in ways that match gender stereotypes.
We learn complex sets of gendered expectations that tell us how to behave as men and women in varying situations.
We sometimes act in gendered ways out of habit, but we also come to understand that if we fail to do so, there can be negative consequences.
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Gender Performances
What are some examples given in the book about the way men and women spend time and effort differently?
Can you think of some consequences for failing to do gender according to the rules?
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Sometimes it’s easy to follow the rules, and other times it’s incredibly hard.
We develop ways of managing gendered expectations that work for us as individuals, even as gender-nonconforming ones.
Because it is easier to obey gender rules than break them, many of us behave in gendered ways most of the time.
We help maintain the gendered patterns we see around us, thus sustaining the illusion that the gender binary is natural and inevitable.
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Managing Gender Expectations
The process of acquiring a gendered sense of self is an active and ongoing one. Although we recognize and often consciously and unconsciously choose to follow the rules, we are not entirely thoughtless about how and when we will do so. Rather, we make exceptions for ourselves and others situationally.
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Gender Practices
When men and women hold hands, who leads and who follows?
How do we learn to hold hands “right”?
Gender becomes part of how we inhabit the world, sometimes in the subtlest of ways.
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[Image from p. 68.]
This picture is an example of how men and women hold hands differently with each other (the man’s palm is usually pointed backward and the woman’s is usually pointed forward such that her body is placed just slightly behind his as they walk). This is one of the many differences that exist between men and women in practice. Even though men and women are rather similar, we often make divergent choices.
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Doing Gender
This term describes the ways in which we actively obey, and actively break, gender rules.
Gender Rules
These are the instructions for how to appear and behave as a man or as a woman.
Essentially, this is the social construct of gender restated in the form of an instruction.
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Definitions
Once you develop some sense of the gender identity that is expected of you, you have to learn the rules and figure out how to do gender consistent with those rules.
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Every day we do thousands of things that signal masculinity or femininity, and we do them according to gender rules.
When using social media, for example,
Women’s choices tend to reflect the rules that they are supposed to be attractive, social, and sweet.
Men appear to respond to gender rules that dictate that they be active, independent, and against authority.
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How to Do Gender
Gender rules apply to every area of our lives, from how we dress, to how we sit, talk, and eat. Males and females even interact differently on, and with, social media channels.
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We tend to learn a large variety of gender rules, gradually absorbing them as we become progressively acculturated into our families, communities, and societies.
Some rules are relatively rigid, while others are more flexible and negotiable.
The rules vary among cultures, change over time, and shift across contexts.
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How We Do Gender
We are socialized through our families and life experiences, which teach us how to act. Can you think of some rules that contradict one another?
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Most gender rules are simple cultural agreements.
Examples
Same-sex touching (holding hands, slapping each other on the back or the butt)
Dress (skirts, kilt, robes, pants)
Colors (pink, blue, flowers)
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Cross-Cultural Variation in Gender Rules
These cultural agreements are created through shared meaning and reinforced through lifelong socialization.
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Culture and Gender
Michael B. Jordan, villain of the mega-hit superhero movie Black Panther, wearing his earrings. Or, to protect the gender binary, we might say “studs.”
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Wearing earrings used to only be done by women in American, and then the cool guys and gay men wore a earring in one ear (the left or right, respectively), and now it can be both or either. This is an example of how some gender symbols change over time.
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Cross-Cultural Variation in Gender Rules
Doing gender requires that we simultaneously know the rules of the cultural mainstream and those of the alternative cultures we visit.
Therefore, we need more than one pair of gender binary glasses.
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We all make cultural adjustments throughout our day and week. Knowing exactly what style and behavior rules are appropriate for a wedding, a first date, or a job interview requires sophisticated adaptions.
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The rules for doing gender are not timeless; they do change.
They change across time, as the earring example illustrates, and they also change from context to context.
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Historical Variation in Gender Rules
Think back to the high heels example from the first chapter and how customs changed from men wearing heels to only women and cowboys wearing heels. Can you think of other examples?
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Contextual Variation in Gender Rules
Many of us have to adapt to new contexts and even adjust our look for different audiences.
The gender rules that apply to varying contexts can be nuanced but we are pretty skillful at adapting to them.
People who are incapable of “tuning” their behavior to the social context risk coming off as psychologically disturbed or willfully deviant.
We learn a set of gender rules that is specific to our societies.
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Goths are an example of cultural traveling, which refers to people moving from one cultural context to another, and sometimes back again. Some “do Goth” all the time, but most adjust to mainstream expectations when necessary, at work or when walking the dog for example.
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We start learning gender rules in infancy, and they are encouraged and reinforced throughout our childhood from parents, teachers, peers, and social institutions.
Parents have to make hard decisions about whether to reinforce gender norms or encourage their children to reject gendered expectations.
Kids have absorbed enough information about gender by the age of five to have their first pairs of gender binary glasses.
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Learning the Rules
All the agents of socialization in a child’s life, from parents and teachers to friends and media programming, provide complex and contradictory lessons on how to do gender and what the gender rules are as early as age three, and by age five, kids have their first pair of gender binary glasses.
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Once children have gender binary glasses, they begin to behave in ways that reflect them.
Choosing toys that seem gender appropriate
Making assumptions about other people based on gender
Using gender as a criteria for choosing whom to play with or befriend
Inventing rules or criteria for policing gender behavior.
Kids absorb gender rules while they are busy learning all the other rules life teaches.
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Socialization
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Injection Socialization
The “injection” idea of socialization fails on three fronts.
First, the model suggests that socialization is finished by the time we’re adults.
Second, it leaves no room for the possibility that we actively consider and resist gender rules.
Third, it fails to acknowledge that people resist and change gender rules.
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As we grow up, our ability to do gender in ways others will accept becomes more flexible. Especially if we’re exposed to children or adults who resist gender rules, we will begin to see more possibilities.
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Learning Model of Socialization
The learning model of socialization suggests that socialization is a lifelong process of learning and relearning gendered expectations and how to negotiate them.
We don’t become socialized once and for all, but rather are constantly being socialized.
We are cultural experts who consciously and strategically adapt our behavior to changes in our social environments. We do this in negotiation with others, learning to manage conflict along the way.
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Sociologists tend to prefer the learning model of socialization because it acknowledges our ability to be lifelong learners and to be fairly savvy at adapting to new information and environments.
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Why We Follow the Rules
Following gender rules can be challenging and constraining. So why do we do it?
Habit
Pleasure
Observation
Policing
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There’s nothing new about drag: Even in 1915, people found it fun. This group of women is enjoying a night on the town donning suits, drinking beer, smoking cigars, and playing pool.
The rules can be complex, contradictory, shifting, and confusing but we continue to follow them most of the time. So why do we follow them?
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Habit
Sometimes we follow gender rules because they are part of our culture.
We simply become used to and comfortable with the routine.
Repeated practice allows us to do gender without really thinking about it.
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Once we have overlearned a rule, we don’t experience it as oppressive but rather as natural, however arbitrary it may be. Accordingly, it’s often easy to follow gender rules, especially those that are fundamental in our culture; we mostly do so unconsciously.
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Pleasure
Following gender rules can be quite pleasurable.
For a man who has overlearned conventional American masculinity, it can be enjoyable to enact masculinity at a sports bar with the guys.
The same is true for enacting those aspects of femininity that are overlearned. Many women, for instance, enjoy dressing up in a specifically feminine way.
Some of the pleasure of doing gender can also come from doing gender in defiant or subversive ways.
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We tend to enjoy being successful, and this is true when the success comes from performing gender in ways that other people admire.
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Observation
Sometimes we follow the rules simply because we’re being observed.
Being watched and who is watching us may have a big impact on how well or consistently we follow gender rules.
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Both the farting and the eating examples in the chapter reveal that gender isn’t necessarily a part of who we are but rather something we perform when others are listening or watching. Sometimes those others aren’t simply passive observers but people who actively encourage or punish us.
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Gender Policing
Sometimes we follow the rules because breaking them can attract negative attention.
Sociologists use the term gender policing to describe responses to the violation of gender rules aimed at promoting conformity.
Gender policing happens every day. It comes from our friends, our love interests, our parents, our bosses, and our mentors. It’s part of our daily lives.
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Accountability
Sociologists define accountability as an obligation to explain why we don’t follow social rules that other people think we should know and obey.
We are reminded of our accountability to gender rules when people raise an eyebrow at our behavior, quiz us on our decision making, or offer mild disapproval.
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Holding people to account is a gentle way to induce conformity. It is easier to avoid awkward questions and others’ approval is rewarding. Over time, accountability can make big differences in our lives.
Mildly negative reactions to gender nonconformity, though, and the threat of being unpopular, are reasonably tolerable prices to pay for the freedom to be ourselves. What is less easily tolerated are demands for an account that are intended to shame us and push us back in line.
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Policing
More aggressive responses to breaking gender rules are captured in the term policing, which a response to the violation of gender rules that is aimed at making us conform.
The risks of nonconformity can go beyond being judged, to being shunned or abandoned by friends or family, being fired from a job, or being passed over for jobs or promotions.
Gender policing can also be emotionally and physically brutal and can result in violence.
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The accusation that a woman is being “bossy” or the putdown phrase, “Nice guys finish last,” applied to a man who isn’t sufficiently aggressive, are ways in which both women and men do gender policing.
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How to Break the Rules
People don’t usually defy gender rules outright because confronting them head-on can cause conflict.
Instead, if the rule breaker affirms the legitimacy of the rule, the one asking for an account will usually be satisfied, and thus conflict will be avoided.
Verbal affirmations of the rule often work just as well as a change in behavior; infractions are punished only when they aren’t excused.
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Part of gender socialization is learning what exceptions and accounts are acceptable in different social circles.
When faced with gender policing, we have three choices: follow the rules, break the rules and face the consequences, or figure out how to persuade others to let us break the rules. We can get away with breaking the rules if we have a good excuse.
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Breaking Rules
Because we can’t or don’t want to follow gender rules, we frequently break them.
Higher social status usually provides greater immunity from the policing of others.
How we resist gender rules is determined by the gender binary and its dictates.
Breaking the rules can be fun, empowering, and rewarding.
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We manage simultaneously to break and affirm the rules, making it seem like everyone buys into them.
Our class and social location may give us greater or less freedom from the constraints of the gender rules. We make strategic decisions as to when and how often to test the limits of our rule breaking.
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Getting a Pass
Thanks to her lovable personality, comedienne and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres gets a pass on strict gender rules. Her talk show continues to attract record numbers of audience members, even as she dons menswear, keeps her hair short, and appears with her wife.
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The No. 1 Gender Rule
Gender rules vary by culture, history, and identities, but one rule applies to us all:
We all must do gender.
If you do not do gender, you become culturally unintelligible.
It is a serious communicative crisis for everyone interacting with you if you do not do gender at least a little.
Consequently, most of us do gender at least a little—and usually more.
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The consequences for not doing gender as we have discussed are numerous. If we want to fit in and avoid negative responses from others, we have to either follow most gender rules or else provide accountability for deviating from them.
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