1. Engagement with evidence. You should be citing sources more frequently; cite sources every time you are putting forward a fact or idea that you’ve got from elsewhere. You should combine direct quotes with paraphrasing. You don’t want to quote too much, but if a source says something that is particularly pertinent to your argument, quoting directly can help your analysis.
2. Stating a clear argument in your introduction. Your introduction does address the question, but it rambles a bit. The best introductions contain a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the question, and a succinct summary of the main points. In other words, the core of your intro should be a) what you’re arguing, and b) how you’ll prove it. The article by Robert Pearce I’ve attached might help with this.
3. Referencing. Please include page numbers with all in-text references — direct quotes and paraphrases. In APA style it goes like this: (Author, Year, pages).
4. Terminology. The term “Aboriginals” is outdated and grammatically incorrect. “Aboriginal” is an adjective and should be paired with another word. So, you can say “Aboriginal Australians”. A more appropriate term is “Indigenous Australians”, or “Indigenous people”.