Wk 10 journal

What principle did you select?

I selected principle 1 of part 1, “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain”.

Who did you interact with?

For this assignment I interacted with my younger cousin.

What was the context?

I had visited my Aunty and she and her husband asked me to stay a while as I was on school break. They accommodated me and I decided in return to help look after my cousin in the period when he got out of school and before they got back from work. He is 5 years old and can be quite the handful.

What did you expect?

I expected that an authoritative approach would easily compel him to follow my instructions so that the transition from school life into home life would be easy.

What happened?

At first, I used commanding language to get him to change out of his uniform or properly store his back pack and books before stepping out to play. The first day was difficult and the way I deal with him were not getting through. On the 2nd day, the same was observed. On the 3rd day, before he could drop his back pack and run out, I offered to make him a sandwich to eat before he left to play if he would change and clean up. He rushed up stairs and freshened up. On the next day, he came home and rushed up to change and freshen up all on his own. I had not initially offered; but I made him a sandwich regardless.

How did it make you feel?

It made me feel good to be able to get through to my cousin. After this, if I ever needed him to do something in a better way than previously, I would encourage him onto a different way of accomplishing the same. I would often offer praise after adoption of the new suggested method was adopted or offered incentive.

What did you learn?

I learnt that in criticizing a person’s action, it is difficult to deter their belief in their methods, values or beliefs. This usually just gives them the will to justify or defend their positions. It is almost an exercise in futility to attempt to effect change by complaining, condemning or criticizing.

What surprised you?

I was surprised by how fast the change was effected after the shift in direction I took to approach my cousin. In not criticizing his way of doing things any longer and employing a different tactic, I was able to influence his routine as well as build good rapport with him.

Going forward, how can you apply what you learnt?

Going forward I will attempt to understand that everyone has a belief or image of their own that I should respect. These beliefs, systems and values are crucial to their inherent dignity and to criticize or attack this will only fuel conflict.