Sibling communication

Example Research Paper

Marital Communication

Marriage is a sacred bond between two people. After the beautiful wedding and the amazing honeymoon, reality sets in. Are you really right for this person? Here is your test; you have to live with them for the rest of your life and be happy with your decision. How do you do it? Communication. Communication is the simultaneous sharing and creating of meaning through symbolic interaction (Seiler & Beall, 2008, p. 3). You and your spouse will see all sides of each other, the pretty angel and the ugly monster they can be at times. Conflicts are going to rise and you will have to know how to deal with them without separating. Results indicate that those who divorce experience a decline in psychological well-being (Waite, Luo, & Lewin, 2009). Therefore, communication is key to a happy marriage. Within this paper, you will find out about different attachment styles relating to marriage, marital conflicts, and how to deal with those conflicts. I will include information from studies performed as well as tell what I have learned about communication while researching marital communication.

Attachment Styles and Marriage

In psychology, there is a theory that explains the bond between an infant and its caregiver, Attachment theory. There are three different types of bonds. The secure style which includes a comfort with intimacy and lack of anxiety, the avoidant style which includes discomfort with intimacy and difficulty depending on others and last the anxious-avoidant style which has a desire for extreme intimacy but high anxiety (Dainton, 2007, p. 284). Dainton’s study of 68 men and 111 women with the average marriage length being 15 years and the samples average ages being around 42 years, suggests that the attachment style one had with their caregiver continues through life with one’s spouse in the form of relationship maintenance. Relationship maintenance is defined as the “behaviors enacted in order to keep a relationship in a preferred state or condition” (Dainton, 2007, p. 284). They were asked to fill out a survey about attachment styles and maintenance behavior.

The results of this study are that maintenance communication might be a central mechanism linking attachment and satisfaction (Dainton, 2007, p. 292). It was found that secure attachment style was linked to a positive and happier relationship. It led to a positive expression of emotion and better conflict management. The avoidant style saw relationships as a bad thing. They saw no rewards and viewed them as a way to be emotionally hurt. Therefore, they kept their relationship in a “back-off” state and kept their emotions to themselves.

Therefore, according to this article, the way one was attached to their caregiver can affect the way that one treats a relationship. If someone had a secure attachment then they are more likely to be willing to talk about their emotions as to someone who had an avoidant attachment who would not want to talk about their emotions. This all factors into the type of relationship people will have and the communication they will partake in.

Possible Conflicts in a Marriage

Conflicts arise in a marriage quite often. Many studies have been made to find out what the main issues are that spring up in marriages. One study is how couples deal with money conflicts as opposed to other ones. Papp, Cummings, and Goeke-Morey (2009) examined the hypothesis that discussing money would be associated with the handling of marital conflict in the home. They had 100 husbands and 100 wives complete diary ratings of overlapping instances of marital conflict occurring at home. Most couples were married on average for 12 years. Although money was not the most discussed topic in the home, it was the one that showed up again and again, unresolved. There was a difference found between the handling of conflicts dealing with money. These tended to be more intense. They lasted longer and tended to hold more importance than other problems. Within these arguments there was more expression whether they be depressive or angry. Therefore, money conflicts in a marriage are more expressive, but occur less often in a marriage

While conflicts grow more common, listening techniques do as well. According to a study on listening behaviors throughout different aged marriages, positive emotional expressions showed little differentiation, but negative emotional expressions showed an unhappy marriage (Pasupathi, Cartensen, Levenson, & Gottman, 1999). This study suggested that there are at least two listening techniques (the ones I mentioned before) and that overtime different relationships have different allegations for each type. The researchers stated, “As conflicts become more and more familiar, the listening spouse must provide less evidence for having heard or understood the speaking spouse’s statements” (Pasupathi, Cartensen, Levenson, & Gottman, 1999, p.186). Therefore, listening behavior tend to decrease over time.

Also a study conducted by Serewicz, Hosmer, Ballard, and Griffin (2008) focused on marital satisfaction and the quality of the in-law lead to interesting findings as well. The results indicated that if the in-laws were happy with the spouse then the marriage would be happier. If the spouse did not fit in with the in-laws then marriage satisfaction decreased.

Overall, these studies all show the different conflicts that can occur in a marriage throughout time. It also examines the communication aspect involved in each of them, like the fact that money conflicts are more intense and spouses show more emotion with them. From the money problems to in-laws, communication can help avoid all of them.

How to Deal With Marital Conflict Through Communication

According to an article written by Cornelius, Alessi, & Shorey (2007) marital satisfaction does not correlate with a couple discussing an issue on a third party topic and an issue about each other. Discussing each other does not weaken the relationship. Therefore, talk! There are many ways to discuss a conflict. First, you will read about how not to and then the right way to discuss a topic.

In an article written by Hyatt (2000), fire and ice can be both bad while arguing. Fire in this case would be yelling and ice would be giving the cold shoulder or just ignoring the problem all together. Sarcasm and criticism were indicators of marital distress, as well as withdrawal from interaction with a spouse (Hyatt, 2000). Happiness in a marriage depends on how you deal with conflicts within it as stated earlier . According to Hyatt, a husband’s hostile activity led to distress in a wife. Also, a wife’s withdrawal led to distress in a husband. While all couples differ, it is basically universal that all couples should stay in-tuned with their spouse. Listen inventively and respond in the correct way, “Spouses shouldn’t fight fire with fire—or with ice” (Hyatt, 2000).

Marital communication is an art. As we have learned before don’t use fire and ice in a conflict. There are many ways to communicate in a marriage without hurting ones feelings or being plain mean. The Art of Marital Communication tells some of the ways that spouse’s should talk to each other. First, they focus on what makes communication so difficult. When people are married, they see marriage the way their parents marriage was, therefore they carry baggage learned from them. If their parents did not talk much, then they are less likely to talk, making a barrier between husband and wife. Another reason is that our culture is isolating with the television and video games, it leaves no room to talk. Also, couples are bombarded with outside pressures. People have jobs and meetings they have to attend, not setting aside time for real communication to occur. The last two reasons are that people tend to be lazy and some are afraid to reveal their emotions fearing rejection. Marital communication takes time and effort, as stated in the article “it is not for the fainthearted” (Leventhal & Leventhal, 2009).

Leventhal and Leventhal (2009) give steps on how to make marital communication happen too. There will be times of planned talking as well as spontaneous communication, be prepared for both and embrace the moment. A good marriage consists of more light than heat, so take heed of the power of words. They can hurt you or they can heal you. Listening is a key when communicating as well, so pay close attention while a spouse is speaking. Not only are listening and talking important in marital communication, but so is flattery. Praise your spouse, even if it is just something simple like taking out the trash, thank them (Leventhal & Leventhal, 2009).

All of the articles mentioned above show how to communicate rightly with your spouse. No marriage can exist without communication. Not only conflict, but praise as well goes far in a marriage. Listening and keeping your voice down can improve your marriage tremendously.

Conclusions

Marital communication is an important topic in family communication. Throughout this paper, we have analyzed different arguments that occur within a marriage and how to correctly deal with them. One weakness of the research is that there could be more studies done on how to deal with certain conflicts in a marriage or even more conflicts that are raised in one. Another is that most of the studies I found were on small samples; it makes me wonder if there was a larger sample whether the results would change or not. A positive though is that everyone that’s married could use advice and by researching and conducting studies they can get their advice.

Through writing this paper I have learned a lot about communication. Since almost everyone gets married, it is very important to know how to communicate with your spouse in a way that gets your point and their point across clearly. This is also a growing field in communication. Now that women are taking a more dominant role in relationships, both husband and wife need to communicate. Knowing each other and knowing how to deal with each other helps in this process. By researching communication in a marriage perspective, I have learned how to talk with my future spouse. All of the information I have written on can help me in my marriage, as well as others. Communication deals not just with talking, but listening too, asillustrated in this paper.

Overall, marital communication depends on many factors. From the attachment style you had while an infant to different conflicts within a marriage, communication can solve it all. Now you just have to master the art of communication and you will have a better marriage and happier life.

Sources

Cornelius, T.L., Alessi, G., & Shorey, R.C. (2007). The effectiveness of

communication skills training with married couples: Does the issue

discussed matter? Family Journal, 15, 124-132.

Daiton, M. (2007). Attachment and marital maintenance. [Electronic Version].

Communication Quarterly, 55, 283-298.

Hyatt, K. (2000). Fire and ice both detrimental in marriage communication. March

23, 2009, http://www.ncfr.org/pdf/press_releases/firean_1.pdf

Leventhal, B., & Leventhal, M. (2009). The art of marital communication. March 23,

2009, http://www.crosswalk.com/1193737/

Papp, L.M., Cummings, E.M., & Goeke-Morey, M.C. (2009). For richer, for poorer:

money as a topic of marital conflict in the home. Family Relations, 58, 91-103.

Pasupathi, M., Cartensen, L.L., Levenson, R.W. & Gottman, J.M. (1999). Responsive

listening in long-married couples: A psycholinguistic perspective. Journal of

Nonverbal Behavior, 23, 173-193.

Seiler, W.J. & Beall, M.L. (2008). Communication making connections, 7th ed. Boston,

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Serewicz, M.C.M., Hosmer, R. Ballard, R.L., & Griffin, R.A. (2008). Disclosure from in-

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