8 pages

Ending relationships outline

· Introduction

· Numb XXXTencion

· Quick discussion question:

· What kind of emotions do you feel from the song?

· What can the lyrics remind you of?

· Quote:

· “Being together with someone in such an intimate space for so long creates a third, overlapping psychological entity that comprises both partners.” -Mark Mason self-help author. 

· Breaking off can be painful but not necessarily negative. It can end on good terms, when two people determine they are better off separated. 

· Disclaimer

· Ending relationships are always hard. This can be relationships between friends, family, co-workers etc. Disclaimer, this presentation will mostly focus on patterns with romanic relationships between male and female including marriage, since there are more research and information on it. 

· Schedule

· Signs that a relationship is ending

· Friendship

· Professional setting

· Romantic partner

· 5 stages of framework for relationship termination and de-escalation

· Relational tensions

· Conflict pattern

· Delivery method

· Discussion 1

· How do you know that a relationship sis deteriorating or falling apart? (Telltale signs)

· Between friends

· Between lovers

· In a professional setting

· Are there any similarities or differences between these signs?

· Signs of deterioration

· Friendship

· Loss of communication and contact is enough for the other to “get the message”.

1. Lets them know that you are busy and not available.

1. May need to explain and have a conversation with close friends. 

. Professional

2. Loss and decrease of communication on personal private information

1. Keeping it work-related only

1. Separation of spheres. 

· Signs of deterioration continued

· Verbal

· Loss of communication

· Hurtful words

· Constant arguments

· Non-verbal

· Physical distance

· Loss or excessiveness of skinship and physical touch.

· Raised voices in pitch and loudness

· Knapp, Vangelisti, and Caughlin (2013)

· 5 stages of framework for relationship termination and de-escalation

· Differentiating: when the difference between relationship partners begin to outweigh the similarities 

· Circumscribing: when partner communication becomes superficial and nonverbal expressions of emotions and affection are restrictive

· Stagnating: communication virtually stops and nonverbal behaviors of closeness and affiliation shut down. 

· Avoiding: where couples physically separate and aren't seen in public together anymore. All communication cease.

· Terminating: the final stage in which couples end their relationship.

· Relational tensions

· Arise from the decision making a couple faces in developing and defining their relationship.

· Talk and resolve

· One might decide the tensions are too great to overcome and separate.

· Discussion 2

· What are some common topics/ values that couples may have a conflict on?

· What are some gender stereotypes for these conflicts?

· How might they act?

· How might they approach the conflict?

2. Which gender might bring up that there is a problem first?

· Potential relational tensions and how to resolve them

. Autonomy vs connection

1. Autonomy: the extent to which a person values individual pursuits aside from the relationship.

. Power vs empowerment

2. Egalitarian relationships: practices empowerment, a power to mentality. 

1. Partners have equal power and authority. They share responsibilities equally without regard for gender roles, income level, job demands and so forth. 

. Acceptance vs change

3. Straight females may look at their partners as “projects”.

3. Psychologist Carl Rogers mentions, “real change in people seems to be possible only when a person feels completely secure and accepted in a relationship.”

3. “It is ok to compromise your preferences from time to time. It is not ok to compromise on your values.” Mark Manson self-help author.

. Views on intimacy

4. Physical or sexual closeness

4. Relational currencies: recognized and agreed-upon ways of conveying affection, information, caring. 

. Commitment

5. Involves the decision to stay in the relationship but also implies a coordinated view of the future for the relationship

5. Turning points: critical moments in the life of a relationship that alter the relationship in some way.

5. Relational talk: conversation about the relationship itself.

· Conflict pattern

. Demand-withdraw pattern

1. One partner brings up a problem, criticize and blames the other, then ask for or demands a change.

1. The other partner tries to avoid the discussion, becomes defensive and withdraws from the conflict all-together.

1. Men are more likely to avoid conflict, and women are more likely to approach it

. Digital methods of communicating

2. Able to pause, think, respond, backtrack at recorded sent messages.

2. “We can pause without lapsing into silence, and we can fall silent without ending the conversation.” -Damon Krukowski.

. Meta-communication: talk about communication pattern

· Delivery method:

. Levine and Fitzpatrick, 2005. Preferred delivery method for breaking up with someone

1. Face to face conversation (43%)

1. Phone calls (32%)

1. Instant messages (10%)

1. E-mail messages (8%)

1. Voice mail messages (3%)

1. Written letters (2%)

1. Third party (2%)

. The study was conducted in 2005, the rate for instant messages, or lack of messages (ghosting) is more prevalent in today’s day and age. 

. Suggested delivery method 

3. Face to face

1. Offer closure

1. Act with integrity

1. private/ semi-private environment

1. Give cool down time.

3. Digital means

2. Relationship have been mostly digital

2. Long distance relationships

2. Potential physical harm/danger

· Discussion 3

. Any personal stories or stories you have heard about break ups?

1. What do you think went well/ not so well?

1. How could it have went better?