revision

EAP essay by Jiawei Sun

Submission dat e : 14 - Mar- 2019 06:27 PM (UT C+0000) Submission ID: 10236954 6 File name : Internet- Jiawei_Sun.do c (51.15K) Word count : 1585 Charact e r count : 9038

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33% SIMILARIT Y INDEX

11% INT ERNET SOURCES

4% PUBLICAT IONS

30% ST UDENT PAPERS

1 18% 2 2% 3 2% 4 2% 5 2% 6 1% 7 1% 8 1% 9 1%

EAP essay ORIGINALITY REPORT

PRIMARY SOURCES

Submitted to Cambridge Education Group St udent Paper

Submitted to Goldsmiths' College St udent Paper

ruonlinecon.rutgers.edu Int ernet Source

juniperpublishers.com Int ernet Source

Submitted to Middlesex University St udent Paper

Submitted to Mount St. Marys College St udent Paper

Submitted to University of Western Sydney St udent Paper

www.google.com Int ernet Source

Submitted to The University of the South Pacif ic

10 1% 11 1% 12 1%

13 1% 14 <1%

Exclude quo tes Of f

Exclude biblio graphy Of f

Exclude matches Of f

St udent Paper

Submitted to University of Bradf ord St udent Paper

wpf orms.com Int ernet Source

Bozkurt, Hasan, Murat Coskun, Hamza Ayaydin, İbrahim Adak, and S. Salih Zoroglu. "Prevalence and patterns of psychiatric disorders in ref erred adolescents with Internet addiction : Comorbidity in Internet addiction", Psychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences, 2013. Publicat ion

clothing.f ood-place.com Int ernet Source

aaltodoc.aalto.f i Int ernet Source

FINAL GRADE

46/0 EAP essay GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

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Comment 1

T his has been co pied and pasted so sho uld be cited.

Comment 2

Yo ur purpo se is no t to f ind o ut the benef its, it is to argue that the internet is mo re benef icial than no t.

Comment 3

Outline?

Comment 4

Citatio n?

Comment 5

T his is to o much o f a generalisatio n. Ho w do yo u kno w the benef its are 'mo re'? Yo u have pro vided a co unter argument but no t ref uted it at all - yo u canno t just dismiss it.

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Comment 6

No ne o f this takes away the f act that peo ple are f eeling mo re iso lated and develo ping mental health issues because o f the internet.

Comment 7

Hedge.

Comment 8

Statement is to o general. In what way do es the internet make us less mo ral? Pro vide specif ic examples.

Comment 9

Irrelevant here - do es no t link to yo ur po int.

Comment 10

T hese sentences do no t link. One is a bo ut f ake news, the o ther abo ut vio lence.

Comment 11

T his is silly. Yo u canno t just say the co unter arguments are no t as impo rtant as the arguments - yo u need to pro vide evidence to 'pro ve' it.

Comment 12

In what way are bo o ks limited?

Comment 13

T o o co nversatio nal.

Comment 14

Citatio n?

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Strikethrough.

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T ASK FULFILMENT (30%)

Students' work must: 1. Answer the question in detail. 2. Have a thesis statement and outline. 3. Have a clear argument throughout the essay. 4. Show analysis. 5. Respond to feedback. 6. Be within word limit (+/- 10%).

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ORGANISAT ION OF IDEAS (20%)

Students' work must: 1. Have an introduction and conclusion. 2. Signpost and support main points. 3. Ensure information is relevant. 4. Include counter-arguments. 5. Show critical evaluation.

USE OF SOURCES (20%)

GRADING FORM: EAP ESSAY - MARKING CRIT ERIA

JIAWEI SUN 46

The essay suffers from a lack of research. The majority of arguments are not evidenced and are therefore weak. Counter arguments have not been refuted correctly.

There are often several ideas in one paragraph which have not been linked sufficiently. You should avoid generalisations and ensure the essay maintains flow.

Students must: 1. Have six or more relevant sources 2. Show they have used and understood their sources. 3. Have a reference list with Harvard referencing, in the correct format. 4. Include citations in text which are cross-checked with the reference list. 5. Show paraphrasing and synthesis. 6. Be free from plagiarism, both intentional and unintentional.

LINGUIST IC FEAT URES (30%)

Students' work must: 1. Be free from errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation. 2. Use academic vocabulary and language. 3. Show a variety of appropriate grammatical forms and complex sentences. 4. Demonstrate awareness of register. 5. Use signposting language used mostly correctly.

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You have used a few sources but more research is required to produce convincing arguments.

Occasional errors on grammar but these do not impede communication.