Braving Wilderness Replies
Dr. Brene Brown is full of affirming strategies for engaging others in the midst of conflict situations. Three of the strategies which stood out during her talk with Marie Forleo were to re-humanize the people we debate with, to be humble and avoid polarization, and to act courageously even when it is uncomfortable.
Dehumanization is "dangerous" because humans are "hardwired" not to do harm to other human beings. We dehumanize people in order to “morally exclude” them. If they are not human, then doing them violence is okay. Dehumanization is always the first step in systematic genocide (Forleo, Brown, 2017). I could not agree with this more. It is never okay to use derogatory language toward women or any group of people. Once you permit treating anyone you disagree with as subhuman, you are opening the door to more and more dehumanization as it suits you.
This is not just an opinion Dr. Brown holds. “We all know, despite what we see in the movies that it’s very difficult, psychology, to kill another human being up close and in cold blood, or to inflict atrocities upon them,” so to be able to accomplish this people, “[treat] other people like game animals or vermin or dangerous predators,” (Smith, 2011).
Genocide is frightening, but a current trend that terrifies me today is cancel culture. Dr. Brown addresses this by stressing being humble. She says not to "opt out because it’s safe" (Forleo, Brown, 2017). If we embrace our humanity and our fallibleness, it is frightening because we are vulnerable, but we also invite conversation and invite constructive criticism, not polarizing cancelation. I like the idea of telling the audience upfront that I do not think I am perfect. If you listen to me, I promise to listen to you. It is a conversation, not a cock fight. If I come to the conversation in a humble stance, perhaps others will, too. If I do not shame people, perhaps others will not shame me.
We should try our best not be polarizing. Some people who consider themselves anti-abortion, may be very understanding of exigent circumstances, just as many who call themselves pro-death penalty might actually tend toward mercy in many specific cases. Forcing an issue to be black or white forces people into an “us or them” mentality (Forleo, Brown, 2017). Those who are not for us are automatically against us. This is why we are in such hostile times now. Why not invite conversation and examine the gray areas rather than make enemies? This reminds me of a lesson from our textbook. “Focus on interests, not positions,” (Fisher, Ury, Patton, 2011, p.42). Once you dig in to your own camp or position, your ego is in the way, and you are no longer actively listening or helping to get to a resolution.
Lastly, the ladies encouraged action. Have the difficult conversations. Try to understand. Ask the tough questions. Tell your insensitive co-worker he is not funny. I struggle with this one and have already, based upon the things we are learning in this course, challenged myself to be bolder and more assertive. I do not intend to be a bully, but I intend to be heard.
At the heart of all three strategies is humility. The humble person does not force his or her opinions on others and is thus not polarizing, and does not dehumanize others. The humble person attempts to understand his or her peers and meets others in a spirit of love. “And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God,” (NIV Rainbow Study Bible, 1973/2015, Micah 6:8).
References
Fisher, R., Ury, W., Patton, B., (2011). Getting to yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in.
(3rd ed). New York, New York: Penguin Books
Forleo, M., Brown, B., (2017, Sep. 12). COMS 560: Communication and Conflict. Module 4:
Week 4: ‘Brave the wilderness’ and find true belonging. Liberty University.
Holman Rainbow Study Bible, Holy Bible, New International Version. (2015) Nashville: Holman
Bible Publishers (Original work published 1973).
Smith, D. L., (2011, Mar. 29). Less than human: The psychology of cruelty. NPR. https://www.npr.org/2011/03/29/134956180/criminals-see-their-victims-as-less-than-human