RELIGION

Supplemental notes, Family Relations, L.F. Massey, Ph.D. DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

My reason for posting a question on divorce in Assignment 7 is that it is a major concern

to many sincere Christians, and in our culture almost everyone has been hurt by it, one way or

another. Some of you may not have been aware of harsh church doctrines on this topic until I

posted this question. Allow me to share an example from personal experience. Years ago, when

I was a young minister in a very conservative church, I was present when an older minister

conducted a pre-baptismal interview of a middle aged couple. They openly said they had each

been married before, and now had been married to each other for about eight years and had a

son. The minister asked them some very personal questions, and concluded that neither of them

had divorced for “biblical grounds” (referring to the “fornication” mentioned in Matthew 19:1-

12), and therefore he said they were not free to remarry. He said that before the church would

accept them and allow them to be baptized, they had to break up, try to go back to their previous

partners, or if that was not possible, they would have to vow to live as celibates. He said the civil

legality of their current marriage was irrelevant. In God’s eyes (so he said) they were living in a

state of adultery. And true repentance means “stop sinning.” So to be Christians, they had to first

give up this “sinful relationship.” As you might imagine, the couple went away in tears, and I

went away angry. I could not see how that could be God’s way of dealing with human problems.

The subject of divorce and remarriage is very sensitive and complex. Traditionally,

Christians have derived their beliefs about the sanctity of marriage from Genesis 2, a text

referred to by both Jesus and Paul. Christians typically believe that marriage is a divine

institution, sealed by God, a commitment for life, and the two partners become as one flesh.

Divorce is not part of God's plan.

However, divorce happens. It was common in ancient Israel. It was common in other

ancient cultures too. And in the Hebrew Bible (the Old Testament) provision is made for divorce

in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 as part of the Law of Moses. The grounds for divorce, and legal issues

related to remarriage, were controversial even among Jesus' contemporaries (positions stated in

various rabbinic writings). People asked Jesus questions about this to see which view he would

support. His comments appear in four texts of the Gospels. The two long ones are Matthew

19:3-12 and Mark 10: 2-12, and the shorter statements are in Matthew 5:31-32 and Luke 16:18. However, the two long texts differ, and they warrant careful examination to help determine what

Jesus may have said, and how his words might have application in a social and ecclesiastical

context. In essence, Mark has Jesus saying that the Mosaic clause was a concession, but divorce

was not the plan from the beginning. He said that when you divorce and remarry, you commit

adultery. No excuses or concessions are mentioned.

It is interesting that nowhere in these Gospel texts does Jesus suggest or give permission

for a woman to divorce her husband, under any circumstances. These statements are all about

men divorcing wives. The reason for that is that in ancient Israel women could not divorce their

husbands. If they were abused or wronged in some way, their only course was to go before the

courts and request intervention. Furthermore, the entire debate among the rabbis hinges on one

term in Deuteronomy 24 which defined the grounds for a man to divorce his wife and marry

another, but the Law of Moses did not allow women to divorce husbands under any

circumstances.

The Roman Catholic Church has had traditional rules on this for centuries, based on the

recorded saying of Jesus. Most Protestant churches have followed along, with certain

modifications. Some churches do not allow divorce, for any reason, and if someone gets a

divorce the result is some form of rejection or repudiation, perhaps the denial of fellowship or

exclusion from teaching and positions of leadership. In some churches, anyone who is divorced

and then marries another person is considered an adulterer, and is not admitted into fellowship. If

such people are admitted, they might not be permitted to teach or serve in any position of

leadership. Some churches allow divorce for adultery (based on the passages above) but will not

allow remarriage for the one who is guilty of adultery. That person has to stay single. The

“innocent” party, thy say, is allowed to remarry. But looking critically at both scripture and

church doctrine, there is no just basis for the church denying fellowship to people because of

their marital problems. Nor is there a basis for harsh reaction or punitive measures when divorce

occurs.

Of course, when marital conflicts arise, preserving marriage (avoiding divorce) is

generally considered to be ideal. But that is easy for any outsider to say about someone else’s

situation. Thinking that we can solve all the current divorce problems by reminding young

couples to take marriage seriously is naïve and simplistic. Since today’s churches are faced with

enormous numbers of their own people getting divorces, remarrying, and wanting to remain

active in church, we face a question as to how churches should respond. By traditional rules,

based on their interpretation of scripture, some churches would reject half the current adult

population of the USA, should they want to join. Why? Because they simply don’t fit the

standard. They have a lifestyle that renders them unsuitable for church membership. They are

living in sin.

However, many Christians recognize that such a position is incompatible with the spirit

of the Gospel and images of a compassionate and merciful God. People who have made

mistakes, even the most serious ones, should find in the church a haven of rest, acceptance,

recovery, participation, and even active ministry. We cannot ignore that Saul of Tarsus, a

murderer of Christians, became the great Apostle Paul.

Further, since church rules have been based more on what are assumed to be the

implications of Jesus’ teachings, traditional doctrines should be reconsidered. Many people have

been abandoned to suffer a lifetime of remorse, guilt, and isolation because of a failed marriage.

This does not harmonize with Jesus’ words “Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden,

and I will give you rest.”