Analyzing a Corporate Message
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Improving Ease of Reading with Natural Style
The closer you match your writing style to the way your readers think and talk, the easier it is for them to process the information you present. Ease of processing means your readers need less mental effort to understand your message, which is especially important for readers who are busy and preoccupied with other work challenges.
Several broad principles support the strategies in this section. First, people can generally process information more quickly when writers use action verbs. Second, people tend to think in a doer- action-object pattern, so using this pattern in your writing enhances comprehension. Furthermore, when the subject or doer is missing from the sentence, readers may become confused. Third, people generally process simple, short words more quickly than long, complex ones.
Use Action Verbs When Possible
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As a business writer, you want to project a positive, can-do, action- oriented tone whenever possible. Indeed, fostering action is the basic purpose of most workplace communication. Using action verbs focuses on the goal of coordinating action in the workplace and livens up your writing. Also, it usually reduces word count.
Typically, then, you can focus on two types of revisions to achieve more effective action verbs. First, find nouns that you can convert to action verbs. For example, have a meeting becomes meet or have a discussion becomes discuss. Second, find forms of the verb to be (e.g., be verbs such as is, are, am) and convert them to action verbs (see Table 6.8 ). For example, Sunrise is a great place to open a franchise with becomes Sunrise provides great opportunities for franchises.
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TABLE 6.8 Using Action Verbs
Less Effective More Effective
We have made an estimate
that you will need an initial
investment of between
$290,000 and $605,000.
We estimate that you will
initially invest between
$290,000 and $605,000.
This sentence contains 17
words.
This revision contains 11 words.
Sunrise is a company with
excellent customer service.
Sunrise provides excellent
customer service.
This sentence contains 8
words.
This revision contains 5 words.
Use Active Voice One way to immediately improve your writing is to use active rather than passive voice in most sentences. Active voice and passive voice contain the following grammatical patterns:
Active voice: Doer as Subject + Verb + Object Passive voice: Object as Subject + Be Verb + Verb + Doer
(Optional)
Consider the following examples:
Active voice: Sunrise provides free training for up to three people
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for each new store. Passive voice: Free training is provided for up to three people for
each new store.
In active voice, this sentence immediately identifies the doer (Sunrise). It then uses a strong verb (provides) and proceeds to the object (free training). In passive voice, this sentence begins with the object of the action (free training), proceeds to a weak verb (is), then employs a strong verb (provided), and leaves out the doer, thus lacking the clarity of active voice.
Using active voice in writing includes many benefits. The doer-action- object allows for faster processing because most people’s natural thinking occurs in this way. It also emphasizes the business orientation of action. Perhaps most important, it specifies the doer. Because business activities depend on accountability and coordination, knowing the identity of the doer of an action is usually important. Furthermore, writing in the active voice usually results in fewer words (see Table 6.9 ).
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TABLE 6.9 Using Active Voice Appropriately
Less Effective (Passive Voice) More Effective (Active Voice)
A marketing plan, budgeting
plan, and break-even analysis
will be provided to you with
your active participation.
Sunrise will work directly with
you to create a marketing plan,
budgeting plan, and break-even
analysis.
This passive sentence de-
emphasizes who will create
the plan and lacks an action-
oriented tone.
The active verb construction in
this sentence helps achieve a
more engaging, action-oriented
tone.
An analysis of your chosen
location will also be provided
that includes demographics,
traffic patterns, competitors,
and a related analysis will be
given to you that contains
estimates of retail sales and
revenue.
Sunrise will use its well-
developed formula for analyzing
the demographics, traffic
patterns, local competitors, and
other factors of your chosen
location. Sunrise will also
provide you with estimates of
retail sales and revenue.
This sentence contains two
sets of passive verbs. Again, it
de-emphasizes who will
create the plan and lacks an
action-oriented tone. It is also
wordy. It contains 33 words.
These sentences clearly
identifies that Sunrise will
conduct the analyses. It is
action-oriented. It is also easier
to read. It breaks the thoughts
into two sentences of 21 and 12
words, respectively.
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While active voice is the preferred writing style for most business writing, passive voice is sometimes better when attempting to avoid blaming others or sounding bossy. Some research reports also use passive voice to emphasize neutrality (see Table 6.10 ).
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TABLE 6.10 Using Active Voice Appropriately
Less Effective (Active Voice) More Effective (Passive Voice)
Since you did not meet the
financial criteria, we have
denied your application for a
Sunrise franchise.
Since financial criteria were not
met, your application for a
Sunrise franchise was not
accepted at this time.
This active verb construction
emphasizes the reader’s
failures.
This passive verb construction
provides the bad news without
assigning blame or directly
pointing out failure.
You need to complete the
application forms carefully for
us to seriously consider your
application.
Application forms that are
completed carefully allow us to
better determine the merit of
your application.
This active verb construction
might be perceived as bossy
(sounds like an order) or
demeaning (implies the reader
is not smart enough to
understand basic procedures).
This passive verb construction
emphasizes the importance of
carefully completing the forms
without directly implying the
reader is likely to make
elementary mistakes.
Use Short and Familiar Words and Phrases Whenever possible, choose short, conversational, and familiar words. Using longer, less common words to “sound smart” rarely pays off. They
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Page 179slow processing and distract from your message. They may even inadvertently send the signal that you are out of touch, quirky, or even arrogant (see Table 6.11 ).
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TABLE 6.11 Using Short, Familiar Words and Phrases
Less Effective More Effective
Sunrise advocates that you seek
consultation with us during the
application process.
Sunrise suggests that you
seek our advice during the
application process.
Advocates is a word that is less
familiar to many readers.
Furthermore, advocates and
consultation are words that may
suggest the need for legal
counsel to some readers.
This sentence contains short,
familiar words that allow for
ease of reading.
Sunrise bestows you with many
opulent greeting cards and
singular flower arrangements
that can only be found in Sunrise
stores.
Sunrise provides you with
many upscale greeting cards
and unique flower
arrangements that can only
be found in Sunrise stores.
This sentence contains
infrequently used adjectives
(opulent, singular). These terms
sound overblown and will
confuse many readers.
This sentence contains
shorter, more familiar terms
that capture the intended
meaning.
To facilitate this course of action,
we organize a convivial annual
retreat for store owners and
managers where we collectively
To help make this happen,
we organize a fun-filled
annual retreat where store
owners and managers can
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discuss our mutual challenges,
solutions, and opportunities.
discuss our shared
problems, solutions, and
opportunities.
This sentence contains rarely
used or stuffy words (course of
action, convivial, collectively,
mutual) that will frustrate many
readers.
This sentence avoids stuffy,
formal-business-sounding
words (course of action,
collectively, mutual) and
replaces them with shorter,
more conversational words.
Use Parallel Language Using parallel language means that you apply a consistent grammatical pattern across a sentence or paragraph. Parallelism is most important when you use series or lists. For example, when you describe a product with three characteristics, use the same grammatical pattern for each— that is, for example, choose adjectives or nouns or verbs for all of them. When you use consistent grammatical patterns for items in lists and series, readers can process the information far more naturally and quickly (see Table 6.12 ).
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TABLE 6.12 Using Parallel Language
Less Effective More Effective
Our customers are refined
and purchase high-end
products.
Our customers are refined and
upscale.
The two characteristics of
customers are not parallel.
They are in the following
pattern: adjective and verb–
object.
The two characteristics of
customers are parallel. They are
both adjectives.
OR
Our customers appreciate refined
craftsmanship and purchase high-
end products.
The two characteristics of
customers are parallel. They both
follow verb–object patterns.
Sunrise will work directly
with you to create a
marketing plan, develop a
budgeting plan, and break-
even analysis.
Sunrise will work directly with you
to create a marketing plan,
budgeting plan, and break-even
analysis.
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The three items in the list
are not parallel. They are in
the following pattern: verb–
object, verb–object, noun.
The three items in the list are
parallel. They are each nouns
(each are objects of the verb
create).
OR
Sunrise will work directly with you
to create a marketing plan,
develop a budgeting plan, and
set up a break-even analysis.
The three items in the list are
parallel. They each follow verb–
object patterns.
Profit level depends on
many factors, including
choosing the right location,
market demand, square
footage, and managing the
store effectively.
Profit level depends on many
factors, including location, market
demand, square footage, and
management.
The four factors do not have
matching grammatical
patterns. They are in the
following pattern: verb–
object, noun, noun, verb–
object.
The four factors are parallel. They
are each nouns.
OR
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Profit level depends on many
factors, including choosing the
right location, meeting market
demands, leasing adequate store
space, and managing the store
effectively.
The four factors are parallel. They
each follow a verb–object
pattern.
Avoid Buzzwords and Figures of Speech To keep your writing natural and engaging, make sure you don’t distract your readers with overused or out-of-place words or phrases. Buzzwords, which are workplace terms that become trite because of overuse, can stir negative feelings among some readers. In Table 6.13 , you can see one list of annoying buzzwords cited in a recent survey of executives. (Dozens of such lists exist because business professionals become so agitated by these overused words.)
5
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TABLE 6.13 The Most Annoying Buzzwords
Leverage At the end of the day
Reach out Synergy
It is what it is Solution
Viral Think outside the box
Game changer On the same page
Disconnect Customer-centric
Value-add Do more with less
Circle back Downsizing
Cutting edge Overworked
Source: “WHAT’S THE BUZZ? Survey Reveals Most Overused Workplace Terms,” online article retrieved July 2014.
Figures of speech, such as idioms and metaphors, which contain nonliteral meanings, are generally out of place or inappropriate in business writing. Because they are nonliteral, they lack the precise meanings needed in business. Also, some idioms and metaphors have become so clichéd that they have lost almost all meaning (see Table 6.14 ).
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TABLE 6.14 Avoiding Buzzwords and Figures of Speech
Less Effective More Effective
Do you want to make your wildest dreams
come true? There are many reasons for
owning a Sunrise store.
Owning a Sunrise
store can help
you reach your
financial dreams
and satisfy your
wish to be your
own boss.
Making your wildest dreams come true is a
figure of speech that sounds unbelievable to
most readers.
This sentence is
more believable.
It avoids
exaggerated
figures of speech
but remains
extremely
positive and
future-oriented.
We also create a tight-knit group of store
owners and managers who share tricks of
the trade with one another.
We create a tight-
knit group of
store owners and
managers who
share ideas
about improving
our brand and
sales
performance.
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Tricks of the trade is a figure of speech that
is more appro priate in oral communication.
Some readers may be unfamiliar with the
phrase. In any case, it could create
confusion.
This sentence is
more specific. It
explains what
expertise is
shared and
discussed among
owners and
managers.
To this end, we organize an annual retreat
that is a total blast for store owners and
managers and that provides synergistic,
win–win solutions and proactive approaches
to managing our stores.
To help make this
happen, we
organize a fun-
filled annual
retreat for store
owners and
managers where
they can share
and discuss
problems,
solutions, and
opportunities.
These sentences contain various figures of
speech that readers may not receive well. A
total blast is slang. Not only can slang be
misunderstood, but it can also serve as a
generation marker. Slang goes out of style
and can make you look out of date. Other
slang will highlight how young you are. The
combination of buzzwords (synergistic, win–
win, proactive) in the second sentence will
annoy some readers.
This sentence,
without the
excessive slang
and buzzwords,
is easy to read.
Readers can
rapidly process
this sentence and
relate to its tone.
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Avoid It Is/There Are Readers naturally want to know precisely who or what the subject of a sentence is, particularly in business writing, where specificity is so important. Most sentences that begin with it is or there are fail to provide a specific subject and generally contain more words than necessary. A message can be particularly awkward when many of the sentences begin with it is or there are. By rewording it is/there are statements, you generally liven up your writing.
One way of recognizing when to reword it is statements is to ask the question what does it refer to? If you don’t know the answer, your readers won’t either. Consider the second sentence in Table 6.15 : It is wonderful to see happy customers day in and day out. What does it refer to? Recognizing what it is requires you to think for a few seconds. By rewording the sentence, you can provide a more descriptive, concise, and natural statement: Seeing happy customers day in and day out is wonderful. After considering the examples in Table 6.15 , read the Te chnology Tips in the "Reviewing Your Message" section for ways that you can use your word processing program to further improve your writing.
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TABLE 6.15 Avoiding It Is and There Are
Less Effective More Effective
There are many reasons for
owning a Sunrise store.
Owning a Sunrise store has
many benefits.
This sentence contains 9
words.
This sentence contains 7
words.
It is wonderful to see happy
customers day in and day out.
Seeing happy customers day in
and day out is wonderful.
This sentence contains 12
words.
This sentence contains 10
words.
It is great to be in a line of
business where there are such
extremely loyal customers.
In this line of business,
customers are extremely loyal.
This sentence contains 17
words.
This sentence contains 9
words.