Re-write

The life and music of John Philip Sousa

Music is an art; an activity which different people perform following their differing cultures and is inclusive of different elements such as pitch, rhythm, texture, and dynamic. These elements differ from each other and the performance is based on different instruments and techniques and by combining these elements, vocal pieces become simpler to perform and the quality of music improves. One of the greatest music composers was John Philip Sousa (1854-1932). Comment by Author Author: The semicolon should only separate two complete ideas. Comment by Author Author: Delete to avoid repetition. Otherwise, the root word is being used three times in the same sentence. Comment by Author Author: This is a dependent clause, adding an extra description to the main idea. A comma should separate an independent and a dependent clause. Comment by Author Author: This is a run-on sentence right now. How could you fix that?

Known as 'The American March King' by most people, he was born in Washington D.C. in the USA to a German Mother, Maria Elisabeth Trinkaus, and a Spanish father, John Antonio Sousa. He grew up in a family with 10 siblings and they lived near their father's marine barracks where he played the trombone in the US Band. His father’s passion about music aroused Sousa's curiosity about music at a young age. When he was thirteen years old, he ended his grammar school education in Washington, then enrolled in a private conservatory of music that he attended for several years. The Editors of Encyclopedia Britannica stated that Sousa also studied privately with “famous composers like George Felix Benkard” (1). He joined the United States Marine Band, following in his father’s footsteps, from 1868 to 1875. Other persons who played a primary role in shaping his musical career were John Esputa Sr. under whom he learned to play the violin and who was also a great cornetist, John Esputa Jr. under whom he learned to play several brass instruments, piano, violin and the flute. During this period, John Sousa created his first composition called “An Album Leaf”. Comment by Author Author: Use double quotes instead of single Comment by Author Author: This doesn’t need to be said Comment by Author Author: When a coordinating conjunction joins two complete ideas, as this one does, a comma should go before it Comment by Author Author: This is a very specific statement, so you’ll want to add a citation Comment by Author Author: What other preposition could you use here? Comment by Author Author: This one is also specific, so it should have a citation Comment by Author Author: No page number needed for electronic sources Comment by Author Author: people Comment by Author Author: If Sousa didn’t play the cornet because of Esputa, then this should be removed. Comment by Author Author: Add a conjunction before the next item in the list. Comment by Author Author: Don’t forget to add a citation

John Philip Sousa served under two different designations in the Marine Corps. He was first enlisted by his father at age 13 as a minority thus could not be discharged until age 21 to bar him from enlisting in a circus band. He signed up again in July and was duly endorsed as a musician. He quit at age 20 in 1872 but enrolled for his 2nd period of service from the year 1880 to 1892 a period where he was the head of the Marine Band in Washington D.C Some sources speculate that he held the rank of a sergeant major and later was promoted to a Warrant officer though this may be unfounded because band leaders were different ranks from sergeant majors and the service did not hold the position of warrant office until 1916. Comment by Author Author: The meaning is slightly unclear. Comment by Author Author: Spell this out since it’s less than 100 Comment by Author Author: This can be removed Comment by Author Author: This is good, but it’s close to a run-on. How could you fix that?

Under his guidance, the marine band grew into the best military band in the USA. After he left, Sousa created ‘The Sousa Band’ and between 1892 and 1931 it performed around 15,000 worldwide. After the Sousa’s band began to travel playing in orchestras throughout Philadelphia and Washington, he was selected as a director of the orchestra. It was in this era that he wrote his most renowned compositions such as “The Stars and Stripes Forever”, “The Washington Post”, “The High School Cadets”, and “The Gladiator”. By 1880, he was famed for his work as a conductor, composer, and arranger. Around the peak of his popularity, John Philip Sousa stated, “anybody can compose music, but moving the public heart is quite another feat (Sousa). His pieces not only sparked the world’s love and appreciation of music, but they were a source of American pride. His patriotic music for the U.S united Americans and fueled the American pride. His outstanding skills made him become the U.S. military bandleader for 12 years of his life. He Dedicated his life to music and composed over 136 marches, as well as many other classical style compositions. Many of Sousa’s pieces are honored today and are still played by bands all over the world. Comment by Author Author: Make sure to use double quotes Comment by Author Author: Delete, since the definite article should not be before a proper noun Comment by Author Author: Not needed Comment by Author Author: Commas should go inside the quotation marks Comment by Author Author: This is a common noun

One of his greatest pieces is “The Washington Post March”. The melody has been divided into three to four parts, A, B, C, and D, with parts A and B having disjointed lines but part C created of smoother and more connected lines. The rhythm of the piece is a little high and accented in most meters, but it moderated in some others. The harmony has a major key with some chromaticism; the trio is in the key of the subdominant. The Washington post-march has a variety of texture from homophony to antiphonal exchanges to polyphony with counter-melodies. The form of the song is very organized, as it starts with an introduction then goes to an A-A-B-B-C-C-D-C-D-C form with 8 and 16 measure strains. The expression of the march changes in dynamic levels and instrumental timbers, with woodwinds, brass, and percussion as the performing forces dominant in the song. Overall, Sousa was the most influential band director at his time and his performances and techniques revolutionized concerts and marching bands. Comment by Author Author: This part is a bit unclear. How could you rephrase? Comment by Author Author: This is a coordinating conjunction joining two complete ideas as well, so a comma should go before it

Based on his music career, he contributed a lot to music composition. Between 1879 to 1932, Sousa made 137 marches and 15 operettas. On March 6, 1932 at the Abraham Lincoln Hotel in Reading city at the age of 77, John Philip Sousa passed away due to congestive cardiovascular breakdown. He had written marches for several American universities such as the Minnesota university, University of Illinois, and the college of Pennsylvania military. Some of his well-known marches include "Manhattan Beach Marc'', ''King Cotton", "El Capitan'', ''Hands Across the Sea'', and more. Sousa got numerous honors, and even after his death, he kept on being recognized as "The American March King" through the John Philip Sousa Foundation. The non-benefit association established in 1981 gives many awards and hosts activities such as The Sadler Flag of Honor, National Young Artists, and The Hawkins Scholarship for musicians. The story of John Sousa is one of a passion for music, developed from an early age and nurtured both by his parents and his trainers. His compositions contributed not only to music, but also to the American sense of pride. His marches are still played to date and research on his life tells the story of one of the greatest composers ever. Comment by Author Author: This should be cited Comment by Author Author: Not needed Comment by Author Author: If this whole thing is the name, make sure to treat it as a proper noun Comment by Author Author: Don’t forget to move the commas Comment by Author Author: This should be cited