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How do I: • Evaluate my emotional strengths and identify areas for personal improvement? • Manage my time to achieve more and be more effective? • Make better use of my time by working smarter and not harder? • Identify stressors in my life and fi nd ways to reduce or change my response

to them? • Recognize and overcome barriers to self-improvement?

“It is 8:05 and now I am going to be late!” Janet Smythe screamed, more to herself than anyone else. Just another typical morning of trying to get the kids off to school and get to work on time. “But Mom, I need you to sign my permission slip for the fi eld trip. It needs to be handed in today or I can’t go next week,” her son yells back. Janet growls back, “Why didn’t you have me fi ll it out last night?” Somehow she makes it out the door and heads to work. Of course the traffi c is backed up, and it doesn’t look as if she will be able to make up any lost time on the commute. When she fi nally gets into her offi ce, her co-worker pops her head through the offi ce door and asks Janet to send an electronic copy of their presentation for the 10:00 sales meeting. Janet then realizes that she left the disk containing the presentation in her home computer. With her frustration mounting, she takes her anger out on Mike, her as- sistant, who unfortunately chose that moment to remind Janet of the 10:00 meeting on her schedule. “I don’t need constant reminding, Mike, I do have a schedule and I can read!!” She slumps in her chair, not sure of how she should proceed to get out of this mess. She walks out of her offi ce and fi nds Mike at his desk. “Sorry, Mike. First I’m yell- ing at my kids, then you, and I have forgotten my work again. I’m losing my mind. Some- thing has got to change.”

1. What problems is Janet facing?

2. What are some strategies Janet could use to better manage the overwhelming situation in which she fi nds herself?

3. If you were Janet, how would you handle the situation?

Self-management 4

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“It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.”

Sir Edmund Hillary

A s many of us have heard before, if you don’t take care of yourself, who will? In this chapter we explore the concept of self-management from these perspectives: time management, stress management, and emotional intelligence. Being able to manage yourself is a lifelong process. It requires self-awareness and a continued willing- ness to make changes in your attitudes and behavior. In order to be an effective manager, it is important to be an effective self-manager. In this chapter we discuss how to over- come barriers to interpersonal effectiveness so you can devote your full energies to doing what it takes to succeed, and to be happy in life as well as in business.

What Is Self-management? Self-management is an individual’s effort to exert control over decision making and be- havior by assessing problems and developing specifi c goals and strategies to structure his or her environment to address those problems. 1 Because self-management is learned, you have the opportunity to enhance your individual performance through self-management training. As our lives become more complicated and we endlessly juggle multiple pri- orities, the likelihood of our reacting negatively to unexpected changes or competing demands in our personal and professional lives increases. Effective self-management requires an awareness of our emotional and rational responses, or a strong degree of emotional intelligence , commonly referred to as EQ . Emotional intelligence has fi ve components: 2

■ Self-awareness —emotional awareness, accurate self-assessment, self-confi dence, abil- ity to recognize emotions and their effects on you and others.

■ Self-regulation —self-control, trustworthiness, conscientiousness, adaptability, innova- tion, ability to manage disruptive emotions and impulses.

■ Motivation —zeal, achievement drive, commitment, initiative, optimism, and the abil- ity to remain persistent in the face of adversity.

■ Empathy —understanding others, service orientation, developing others, leveraging diversity, political awareness, the ability to read and respond to others’ feelings.

■ Social skills —interacting smoothly, managing interpersonal relationships, handling emotional responses to others, infl uence, communication, the ability to build bonds with others.

EQ helps us to use emotions as guiding tools for interpersonal effectiveness in social environments. EQ involves using your mental capabilities to understand your own and others’ current emotions correctly and to use those emotions wisely to produce personally and socially desirable outcomes.

People who successfully apply EQ create win–win relationships and outcomes for them- selves and others, and can develop growing networks of healthy social relationships and emotional support structures. 3 As the ancient philosopher Aristotle said,

“Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—this is not easy.”

Aristotle was a wise man. He recognized that as human beings we are able to experience a full range of feelings. Learning when, how, where, why, and with whom to share them is more complex than we might think at fi rst glance. Emotional intelligence enables us to do this. EQ helps us to understand our levels of key emotional responses such as self-control, zeal and persistence, and the ability to use our emotions, feelings, and moods and those

Benefi ts of Self-management/EQ

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of others to adapt and navigate in society. A guiding principle of emotional intelligence is that having and expressing emotions is a good thing. But expressing emotions, especially in the business world, requires an innate sense of what’s appropriate to say, when, where, and with whom. EQ allows you to develop an awareness of your feelings and emotions and use them in appropriate ways. Your level of emotional intelligence—the degree to which you are savvy about the use of emotions when communicating with others—is a huge factor in your ability to be successful. EQ is considered by some to be just as impor- tant as or even more important than IQ, one’s “intelligence quotient.” IQ and EQ involve different parts of the brain. IQ affects our ability to reason, to process information, to think analytically. EQ affects our ability to use emotions in relating to others at work and in our personal lives. Important criteria for professional success in any fi eld are the “peo- ple” skills that are derived from understanding our emotions and responses to working with others. This type of self-knowledge is critical to your ability to relate to others and make decisions about your life and work. The good news is that unlike one’s IQ, which is determined primarily at birth, EQ is a quality you can actually learn about and improve. Understanding your levels of emotional intelligence is essential for self-awareness. By knowing how you presently function when dealing with your emotions in situations with others, you can develop new goals, behaviors, and attitudes toward yourself as well as others. Working to increase your emotional intelligence can help you do this. In the pro- cess, you can become a better manager as well as a better person. 4

Being able to understand and harness your emotions is just as valuable in the workplace as it is in your personal life. Daniel Goleman, one of the foremost researchers on emo- tional intelligence, found EQ to be twice as important as IQ and technical skills at all job levels. Without it, a person can have the best training in the world, an incisive, analytical mind, and an endless supply of smart ideas, but he or she still won’t make a great leader. 5 Goleman also concludes that EQ plays an even more substantial role in success at higher level positions. On an individual level, self-regulation, self-awareness, and motivation have been posi- tively associated with concern for quality, problem-solving ability, and ability to manage confl icts. Ranking high on these dimensions suggests an individual will exhibit effective behaviors at work. Being able to interpret the emotions of others, empathy, social skills, and group work skills increase the effectiveness of organizational managers and leaders. In today’s organizations, it is important to be fl exible, responsive to change, and able to react quickly by sizing up people and situations and being decisive. Developing these skills will result in you becoming an “involved employee” 6 —one who is empowered and equipped to be effective in your role and to help others with theirs. Improving emotional intelligence allows managers to become leaders who positively infl u- ence others with commanding social skills. 7 Some key impacts of EQ in leadership include: 8

■ Reduced depression, greater optimism, and less impulsiveness —These behaviors help managers deal with diffi cult situations, improve decision making, and positively affect employees’ work attitudes.

■ Increased concern for mastering skills and tasks —Conscientious leaders strive for personal improvement and facilitate and develop that capability in others, ensuring that people are challenged to develop their own solutions to challenges and that they are supported in doing so. 9

■ Improved facilitation of adaptation and change —Emotional intelligence allows lead- ers to gain power and become catalysts for change.

■ Increased infl uence on positive teaming —Emotionally intelligent individuals utilize social skills and can moderate their behavior and infl uence others to collaborate, build bonds, and communicate on team-based efforts.

■ The development of transformational leadership —Leaders who have a strong sense of self and strong convictions in their beliefs are able to provide vision and encourage development and motivation in others.

Improved Workplace Performance

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1. Be candid—assess yourself realistically. Think of situations when you’ve been at your best—and your worst. What can you do to acknowledge your weaknesses and work on them? How can you place yourself in activities that play to and help foster your strengths?

2. Ask for feedback. At the conclusion of a class or work project, ask a classmate, teammate, or supervisor to let you know what you did well, and what you can improve.

3. Be self-confi dent. Know your abilities. Stretch—but don’t overstretch by taking on tasks for which you lack the necessary skills.

4. Don’t overreact when things don’t go your way. Objectively look at the situation, gather the facts, and determine rationally the best way to approach the situation or present a solution.

5. Take time to choose an appropriate course of action. Don’t react impulsively.

6. Accept and develop skill in coping with ambiguity and change. These are hallmarks of most successful organizations and managers today.

7. Be motivated by a strong internal desire to achieve for the sake of achievement, not (just) for material success.

8. Track your progress. Always be aware of the results you are seeking; don’t simply focus on the task itself.

9. Consider others in all of your decisions. “No man is an island.” Understand others and take their needs into account when you make decisions.

10. Take time for people. Some of the best managers are known for “walking around” on a regular basis. Take time out from studies or work to develop rapport with your classmates or colleagues. Time spent cultivating friendships with others at schools or work is time well spent.

What Are Time and Stress Management? What distinguishes top performers from those who are just moderately successful? An enhanced EQ, as we’ve just seen, is key. Naturally our genetic history, family back- ground, education, and work history affect the opportunities that are available to us and our ability to seek and choose among these opportunities. And to be honest, plain luck, “being in the right place at the right time,” is a factor in one’s success. More and more, however, we are realizing that our ability to manage and allocate time and to handle our

Strategies for Increasing EQ

The Manager’s Role in EQ 10

1. Assess “emotional impact” of jobs —Managers need to be aware of the emotional pressures associated with particular jobs when designing job assignments.

2. Create a positive and friendly emotional climate —Managers need to recognize that workers need a supportive environment; work should not be a cold place devoid of concern for its members.

3. Properly reward and compensate —Through appropriately developed reward and compensation systems, managers can encourage a positive emotional climate.

4. Select appropriate employees and team members —Managers need to base selection of employees and team members on their record of utilizing a positive emotional attitude.

5. Provide EQ training —Managers need to develop training to increase employee EQ and encourage positive emotional responses.

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response to stress have a lot to do with the extent to which we ultimately succeed, in life as well as in business.

Time management is the ability to allocate your time and resources to accomplishing your objectives. Skill in managing how you spend your time allows you to prioritize and accomplish more goals in life, resulting in a sense of well-being because you are able to see the fruits of your labors. It gives you a chance to achieve a balance between work and personal life that can be more satisfying, as opposed to restricting your activities to one arena at the expense of the other. Effective managers fi nd that time management increases productivity. The popular saying “Work smarter, not harder” applies here. By focusing your energy on well-chosen activities, you can actually see your results. This in itself can be motivating, which can then increase your drive to achieve even more. Managing our time also reduces stress levels. Taking control of your time means taking control of your life. This results in a feeling that you are in charge. “I exercised today, and now I can go back and study for the exam with a clear head” is an example of this, which is better than thinking subconsciously, “I have no time, I have no life. I didn’t exercise, and now I don’t even have the energy to study for this exam.” Time management gives you more time to enjoy the activities that are important to you, such as spending time with family, socializing, reading, exercising, and favorite hobbies. This means you are better able to enjoy a varied, textured life. As human beings, we have many dimensions. We are not meant to simply work. Most of us have the need to be many things—a friend, a partner, a family member, part of a community. As you incorporate many elements of life into one, each of those elements is enhanced by your involvement in the others.

Time Management

Source: © Arnie Levin, The New Yorker Collection, www.cartoonbank.com.

Stress (from the Latin strictus, to draw tight) 11 has been a part of daily life since prehis- toric times. It plays an important role in how we live our lives and whether or not we succeed in the tasks we undertake. Stress is a fact of personal and organizational life. Stress can be benefi cial (eustress) when it generates enthusiasm and productivity or coun- terproductive (distress) when it dampens your spirits and negatively impacts your mental

Stress Management

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or physical health. 12 Stress management refers to your efforts to control and reduce the tensions that occur in stressful situations. 13 Stress, when not understood or managed, can result in a variety of responses, including physiological, psychological, and organizational. A physiological response is one in which physical problems develop as a result of mental anguish. 14 Heart disease, high blood pressure, bulimia, anorexia nervosa, migraine head- aches, cancer, gastrointestinal disorders, asthma, diabetes, allergies, skin disorders, high cholesterol levels, and weakened body defenses are some examples of physical conditions that are often brought on by mental stress. 15 According to Crampton et al., the National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH) has recognized stress- related physi- ological disorders as one of the 10 leading work-related diseases in the country today. Psychological effects are not always as readily identifi able as physiological responses. 16 Depression, sudden bursts of violence or anger, anxiety, chemical dependency, alcohol abuse, and phobias are examples of psychological reactions to stressful situations. Organizational stress or work-related stress is the “adverse reaction people have to excessive pressures or other types of demands placed on them.” 17 Organizational stress effects include job dissatisfaction, absenteeism, turnover, accidents, low morale, poor interpersonal relations, low productivity, and poor customer service. Stress caused by organizational problems is often diffi cult to manage, as the factors causing the stress are rarely under our control. Some jobs are highly stressful by design—the jobs of air traf- fi c controllers, dentists, and coal miners are extreme examples. Even businesses that are not commonly viewed as stressful are now prone to high stress levels, especially after so many businesses have experienced drastic downsizing. In addition, employees are work- ing more hours now than they were in the 1960s. The average worker now sends and receives about 190 messages per day (voice mail, e-mail, texts, etc.) and is interrupted an average of six times per hour, according to a study sponsored by Pitney Bowes. 18 These trends, coupled with the desire of many employees, male and female, to lead more bal- anced lives and spend time with their families and friends, are resulting in increased em- ployee stress levels. 19 Work-family confl ict is another area associated with stress. The belief that we must “do it all” has led to high levels of stress. The changes in the U.S. labor force, with an increase in dual-worker families and single-parent families, have given rise to confl ict over balancing the demands of work and the needs of the family. Over half of high-level executives surveyed ranked feeling “overextended” and concern for work–life balance as the top causes of stress. 20 Finding a balance between the roles of family caretaker (which includes taking care of spouse, parents, children, and/or siblings) and worker is necessary to reduce stress and its potential consequences (absenteeism, turnover, job dissatisfaction, family confl ict, and life dissatisfaction). 21 Individuals, as well as the managers and orga- nizations for which they work, must address eliminating the potential for role confl ict. These sources of stress can be problematic in personal life and in business. Stress is in- evitable, but you can manage how you respond to stress. Managing stress is an important skill for both managers and their employees. Those managers who are able to understand their stressors and manage them—and who can help their employees do the same—will be more productive and successful than those who aren’t.

Why Is Management of Our Time and Our Response to Stress Important? The expression “time famine,” or feeling we have too much to do and not enough time to do it, is prevalent in a work environment that has increased employee responsibility through empowerment and autonomy. 22 Radical and lightning-quick changes are a per- manent feature in today’s contemporary business environment. Those managers who are able to stay current with these changes and adopt appropriate response strategies to these changes are more likely to succeed—and to help their employees succeed as well. Some of these response strategies—and the reasons why they are important—are described in the following paragraphs.

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Strategies for Time and Stress Management There are times in our lives when time doesn’t seem to exist, or when it feels as if we have no time to think or breathe. This is fi ne if it only happens periodically. But if you’re constantly running from one high-priority task to another, it’s likely you’ll soon be either suffering from burnout (when you’re too fatigued to have an interest in the things on which you’re spending time) or doing everything only marginally. It’s time to cut back. It’s better to do fewer things with quality than many things poorly. Time management is an important personal and managerial skill. It is a process of set- ting or taking on objectives, estimating the time and resources needed to accomplish each objective, and disciplining yourself to stay focused on the objective while completing it. It doesn’t mean fi lling every minute. It means allowing for some “slack” time for the un- expected: those unforeseen circumstances that are inevitable. It is an irony that we can’t actually “manage” time. We can’t change the amount of time we have. There are only 24 hours in a day, 168 in a week. We manage ourselves in order to be more effi cient with our time. You can concentrate on the choices you make and be aware of what’s motivating you to make them. You can focus on getting things done by being productive—getting the right things done . . . on time, on budget, and through the use of all your resources.

Time Management Strategies

Figure 4–1 How to Manage Your Time

Use the chart to evaluate your current usage of time, identifying your patterns of behavior and your current time wasters.

Degree to Which These Effect Me:

Typical Time Wasters High Medium Low

Procrastination 1 2 3 4 5

Disorganization 1 2 3 4 5

Perfectionism 1 2 3 4 5

Visitors and interruptions 1 2 3 4 5

Telephone, voice-mail, e-mail, Internet 1 2 3 4 5

Daydreaming and distractions 1 2 3 4 5

Lack of focus or interest 1 2 3 4 5

Doing too many tasks at once 1 2 3 4 5

Accepting too much work 1 2 3 4 5

Paperwork and administrative tasks 1 2 3 4 5

Poorly planned meetings 1 2 3 4 5

Lack of necessary resources 1 2 3 4 5

Failure to use technology 1 2 3 4 5

If you score less than 40, you may want to consider ways to reduce your wasted time. To do this, identify what is of value to you by determining what you consider to be important ways to spend your time. By referring to the personal and professional goals you estab- lished, you should be able to decide how to spend your time.

Other tips for time management include the need to do the following: ■ Plan and prioritize. Planning is essential to effective time management. The min- utes you spend organizing your schedule can save you hours of time during your week. Heed the words of Benjamin Franklin: “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” ■ Get in the habit of preparing “to-do” lists. Make a list of everything you need to do for that day and prioritize the list according to the importance of completing each task.

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Bear in mind that most people will not complete every item on “to-do” lists; however, you will accomplish more with a list than without one. ■ Follow the “80/20” rule . An estimated 80 percent of results are achieved from 20 percent of focused time. This includes spending more time doing useful activities, tracking what makes that 20 percent so productive, and making the transition of devoting more time to productive work. 23 ■ Plan for your time-specifi c activities and non–time-specifi c activities. For “time- specifi c” activities, determine in advance how close to completing the task you want to be by a certain time. This requires self-discipline and allows you to budget your time and ac- complish more than you would in a non–time-bound scenario. Also plan your downtime. Everyone needs a break to rest and recharge. Oddly enough, you can actually get more work done if you take several short breaks than if you don’t. ■ Find your optimal working time —referred to as your biological “prime time”—and plan to maximize use of this time by scheduling and doing demanding jobs during these peak periods and less demanding tasks at other times. ■ Prioritize tasks by level of importance : vital, important, should be done today, or can be done tomorrow. Break down complex tasks or projects into manageable steps and set up a time line for completing each step. ■ Organize . Choose or set up the right environment for the task. This may require you to clear away unnecessary materials, reduce distractions (turn off the phone or close the door), and eliminate environmental interference (heavy traffi c or neighbor’s music). If all else fails, go to a place such as a library where you can work without distractions. ■ Delegate . Determine what tasks and activities would be possible to allocate to others. Clearly specify the task and the expected outcomes to ensure they will complete the task without requiring periodic coaching or redoing. ■ Differentiate between what’s urgent and what’s important . Most of us expend time on what’s urgent—those unplanned events that are often thrust on us by others and beg for your immediate attention. Yet not enough of us invest time on what’s important—those priorities that are meaningful and to which we are committed to spend- ing time. Figure 4–2 illustrates the intersection between task and event importance and urgency. Be careful in deciding here. The interruption from one of your children or a roommate—a quadrant 3 activity—might be an investment if you are committed to spending time with your family and friends. The frequent interruption by a co-worker who likes to chat—also a quadrant 3 activity—is probably an expenditure. Responding to

Quadrant 1

• Dealing with a crisis

• Most problem-solving activities

• Meeting immediate deadlines

• Writing a report due in one hour

Quadrant 3

• Answering the telephone

• Checking e-mail

• Dealing with interruptions,

such as requests for info or

assistance

• Many popular activities

Quadrant 2

• Recreation and relaxation

• Preparing for an upcoming event

• Spending quality time with

friends and family

• Exercise

Quadrant 4

• Worrying or being angry

• Watching TV beyond time needed to

unwind

• Surfing the Internet for no reason

• Trivia and busywork

Urgent

Im po

rt an

t N

ot I

m po

rt an

Not Urgent Figure 4–2 Time Management Matrix 25

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86 I / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

that person every time she or he comes in unannounced takes time from the priority on which you’re working and sends the message that it’s okay to continue interrupting. Often when something comes up that was unplanned, it takes away from what is important. 24 The more time spent on important but not urgent activities (quadrant 2), the better you will be able to manage your time. If you devote time to the important, the urgent will often take care of itself. Learn to focus on the important and manage your ability to keep to the deadlines you have set; this will prevent the important from becoming urgent. ■ Avoid postponing . Procrastination is one of the biggest time wasters. Unfortunately many times we “put off until tomorrow what we could be doing today.” While some people enjoy the adrenaline rush this produces (e.g., waiting until the last minute to write a paper and having to stay up all night to get it done), you will rarely produce your best work operating this way. By waiting until the last minute, many procrastinators fi nd they have been unrealistic about the time required to do the job right. For example, when writ- ing a paper at the last minute, you’re likely to have diffi culty fi nding resource materials that are necessary to do a quality job. Waiting until the last minute also leaves little or no time to review your work, polish it, and ensure it’s accurate and of suffi cient quality. It’s far better to plan ahead, leav- ing yourself some time toward the end of a project to take care of details that couldn’t have been anticipated. Another negative consequence of procrastination is alienating co- workers. For example, your co-workers might think of you as one who always waits until the last minute. This not only causes stress for you but also for your co-workers, many of whom might try to avoid working with you again. Avoid this situation by planning and being realistic about what you can and want to achieve. Procrastination can also cause an internal confl ict over what a person should do and what he or she wants to do. It is usually associated with avoidance behavior—avoiding necessary action to complete a task—and can be used as a type of coping mechanism to delay an un- pleasant task. So how can you overcome procrastination? You must fi rst be aware of your tendency to procrastinate and evaluate the reasons for avoiding the necessary task. You can then work on changing your behavior by making the task more pleasant or less threatening. Planning and directing action to the long-term outcome may redirect your energy. 26 Commit to evaluating periodically how you use your time. Do time audits—reexamine your goals and whether you allocate time appropriately to achieve them. To keep your schedule organized, reasonable, and attainable, incorporate tasks that are important to you. A balance between discipline and fl exibility is key. Stay focused on your overall pri- orities (remember the 80/20 rule), while continually monitoring your progress and revis- ing your plans as necessary.

Stress is an upset in the body’s balance, in reaction to an adverse or disturbing event. Hans Selye, a pioneer in stress research, defi nes stress as the nonspecifi c response of the body to any demand made upon it. 27 Stress comes about not from an event, such as failing an exam or winning the lottery, but from how we respond to it. Stress is found every- where, in all aspects of life. It is inevitable and unavoidable. The sources of stress vary from person to person. Stress can be derived from external factors such as traffi c jams or an ineffective or ineffi cient work environment. Stress also stems from internal factors such as our emotional state, our perspective on life, or the way we choose to respond to various situations or demands.

Types of Stress There are two types of stress: “good” and “bad.” Good stress, or eustress , is positive, presents opportunity for personal growth or satisfaction, and pushes people to higher per- formance. Bad stress, or distress , is negative and results in debilitating effects. 28 Surprisingly, too little stress can be as detrimental as too much stress. As Figure 4–3 demonstrates, when we lack any stress or pressure to perform, we may utilize minimal

Stress Management Issues

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effort and achieve suboptimal performance. Conversely, too much stress might make it diffi cult to concentrate or perform effectively or effi ciently. Whether a particular stress factor you are experiencing is “good” or “bad” depends largely on how you perceive the stressor and respond to it. In other words, a situation can be termed “stressful” or not— depending on how you choose to look at and handle it.

Stress, which can be found in all aspects of life, is subjective, and not all individuals respond in the same way to the same stressor. Everyone has a unique level of stress tolerance . One person might be elated upon being promoted, while another might be traumatized at the prospect. We might fi nd it impossible to work while children play noisily in the street, whereas our neighbor fi nds his concentration is actually improved by this external noise. Regardless of level of tolerance, it is important to realize that negative stress can do harm and may manifest itself in physiological, psychological, and social disorders. As mentioned earlier, among the physical disorders to which stress can con- tribute are high blood pressure, migraine headaches, heartburn, frequent illness, insom- nia, persistent fatigue, and binge eating and drinking. Stress can also manifest itself in psychological disorders, including anxiety, depression, anger, feelings of loneliness and inadequacy, chemical dependencies and abuse, and lack of concentration. 29 If the nega- tive stress in your life outpaces your coping skills in stress reduction and weakens your resilience, you should not hesitate to seek professional assistance. A variety of remedies or techniques is available for different types of stress. Psycho- logical problems are much better understood today than in the recent past. Various drugs and other therapies are available for treating a wide variety of problems. Psychological problems are best dealt with by consulting a professional such as a counselor or therapist. These professionals can help individuals suffering psychological effects of stress by help- ing them understand these situations and manage their response to them more effectively. Because of the likely connection between emotional or mental concerns and physi- cal ailments, physiological problems are best dealt with through consultation with both a health professional and a mental health professional or wellness counselor. Typically an individual experiencing physiological stress will be given a test battery to diagnose the sources of the stress and potential solutions to the problems being experienced. A treat- ment program will be varied and might include regular exercise, better nutrition, relax- ation techniques and, in some cases, prescription drugs as appropriate. Organizational problems are complex. If you are suffering from job-related stress, it is important to evaluate your work style; your level of job satisfaction; and the fi t between you, your boss, your co-workers, and your organization. Those who feel the least (bad) stress are those who are in a work environment in which they can thrive, rather than one in which they are drained. Talking with your boss or co-workers about your concerns can help. But if change is not forthcoming, leaving the organization for one better suited to your personality is a good option.

Organizations need to respond to the causes of stress. Evidence shows there is an increas- ing link between work-related stress and negative individual and organizational outcomes. Stress takes a toll on organizations in many ways, including decreased performance, low morale, resistance to teamwork, absenteeism, theft, sabotage, burnout, higher health care costs, and high employee turnover. At the extreme, stress-fi lled organizations may

Responses to Stress

Organizational Responses to Stress

Pe rf

or m

an ce

Stress

Figure 4–3 Performance/Stress Graph

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88 I / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

experience acts of rage and violence. 30 Some studies have tried to assign a dollar value to the impact of organizational stress on the economy, with some estimates at around $300 billion a year. 31 In order to respond to the problems and costs generated by stress, organizations have developed several methods of intervention in the form of stress management programs for their employees. Most stress management programs fall into one of four categories. Em- ployee Assistance Programs (EAPs) generally involve offering professional counseling ser- vices to employees. Stress Management Training (SMT) focuses on preventive courses or programs offering employees training in stress reduction skills such as mediation, relaxation procedures, and stress awareness and understanding. Stress Reduction Intervention (SRI) programs attempt to change the intensity and type of stressors impacting employees and may include job rotation, job enrichment, employee empowerment, goal setting, and regular feedback. Health Promotion Programs (HPPs) are generally designed to educate employ- ees about the physical and mental benefi ts of leading a healthier lifestyle and often include medical screening, exercise and fi tness programs, and health club memberships. 32 Intervention by an outside party usually starts the process. It is important to train man- agers to be able to recognize symptoms of stress and to include assessment of stress levels in their personal observations of subordinates. Another important conclusion of recent studies is that most organizational policies focus on the secondary and tertiary strategies for dealing with stress. Organizations tend to ignore the fi rst stage in which they would have the most control over, removing the workplace stressors or at least attempting to reduce the impact of these stressors on its members. It is an organization’s best interest to focus on better diagnosis of stress factors and a closer examination of stress management practices. 33 Developing skills and techniques for managing stress will make you more resilient and better able to adapt successfully when confronted with sources of stress. Stress man- agement strategies, whether practiced as treatment or as prevention, fall into two broad categories. Cognitive strategies are designed to infl uence our thinking, emotions, and well- being. This approach can include identifi cation of negative thoughts, positive self-talk, and a focus on beliefs and attitudes. Behavioral strategies focus on changing behavior to im- prove one’s situation and can include time management, problem solving, goal planning, and healthy lifestyle adjustment. 34 Self-regulation, the long-term commitment to control and regulate your impulses, emotions, performance, and other behaviors, is critical to reap the benefi ts of any stress management approach. Pursuing long-term strategies, as opposed to responding only to the immediate environment, can produce signifi cant benefi ts. 35

A number of coping strategies can be used to deal with stress. We’ll never eradicate stress, but we can make choices about how we handle it. Several suggestions follow; you’ll be able to provide others from your own experience. ■ Identify your stressors and stress levels. A stressor is a situation, activity, or person that causes you to feel stressed, out of control, or frazzled. Stress levels refer to the degree to which you let the source of the stress affect you. It is crucial to understand exactly what your stressors are; in other words, what your “hot buttons” are. What causes you to tense up, feel aggravated, or be angry or resentful? What causes you to get a headache or your blood pressure to rise? What causes you to think no one understands you or that there’s no way out of a problem you’re facing? It’s also important to understand your own unique stress levels. How stressed do you get? What causes a severe versus just a regular head- ache? You cannot manage stress unless you know what causes stress and how those causes are impacting you psychologically, physiologically, and organizationally. Look at the chart in Figure 4–4 and see if any of these signs of stress look familiar to you. Understanding your stressors—and being able to recognize them before they occur—is an essential skill in stress management. Understanding your stress levels—the degree to which you react to certain stressors—can help you manage your response to stress effectively. ■ Implement time management skills. For some, feeling a lack of control over a situ- ation causes stress. When this occurs, try to exert some infl uence over those aspects of a situation that are within your control. Making a change in your environment that reduces the impact of the offending stressor can often do this. For example, if you are feeling

Strategies for Managing Stress

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overwhelmed by a term paper assignment, you could fi nd a quieter place in which to work, organize your work space by using fi les or piles for the various sections of the paper, or play soft music. These changes can help reduce stress levels. ■ Learn to share and disclose. Being open about your thoughts and feelings—with yourself and with others—is a surprisingly effective technique for reducing stress levels. Sometimes just being able to talk out loud about a situation and how it’s affecting you can help you process aspects of the situation in such a way that you develop a new attitude about or outlook on it. This changed understanding can result in a more positive perspective on the situation. For example, receiving a bad grade on a paper can be viewed negatively—as a disappointment—or positively—as a chance to get some useful feed- back from the instructor that could improve your writing in the future. ■ Keep a journal. Journal writing involves setting aside some time on a regular basis to refl ect on what’s happening in your life. By writing your thoughts and feelings about and reactions to certain events and people, you can air your emotions about something of signifi cance to you, enabling you to acquire a new perspective on the situation. ■ Talk to a trusted friend, relative, co-worker, or professional helper such as a resident advisor, counselor, physician, or minister . Talking to someone you respect can be enor- mously helpful in reducing stress levels. We all get upset at times, making it diffi cult for us to see things objectively. An empathetic set of ears can help you view things differently and adopt a perspective you might not have imagined on your own. Counseling and advisory services at work can have a positive impact on understanding and dealing with stress. Saying you could use help does not mean you are ineffective at work. Seek ways to improve your stress management, and as a manager, be aware of when others need help. ■ Use visualization and mental imagery, increasingly popular techniques for reduc- ing stress. “See yourself making the perfect putt on the green.” “Picture where you want to be in fi ve years.” “See yourself fi nishing school and driving a new car.” These are all examples of visualization and mental imagery—imagining yourself in a situation, playing out how you ideally see yourself behaving and looking, creating a mental picture of your- self and how you’ll feel by achieving a goal you’ve set. The theory behind visualization is “success breeds success.” By thinking positively, you can at times will yourself to act and behave in a way that gets you where you want to be. ■ Try mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), a relatively new technique for mitigat- ing the effects of stress. Central to the concept of mindfulness is paying attention, reducing distraction, and holding an intended object in mind. 36 MBSR is a highly structured educational approach that combines meditation and yoga exercises to help people achieve a greater sense of control, reduce their day-to-day stress, make choices with clarity and awareness, and pro- mote healthy living. This process focuses on what is right in your life and aims at reinforcing human capacities for relaxation, awareness, insight, and behavior change. 37

Figure 4–4 Signs of Stress

Physical Signs Emotional Signs Mental Signs Relational Signs Spiritual Signs Behavioral Signs

Appetite changes Bad temper Lack of humor Isolation A feeling of emptiness Pacing

Headaches Anxiety Dull senses Defensiveness Apathy Swearing

Fatigue Nightmares Lethargy Intolerance Inability to forgive Substance abuse

Insomnia Irritability Boredom Resentment Cynicism Nail biting

Indigestion Depression Indecisiveness Loneliness Loss of direction Slumped posture

Colds Frustration Forgetfulness Nagging Doubt Restlessness

Weight change Oversensitivity Poor concentration Lower sex drive Need to prove self Risk aversion

Teeth grinding Mood swings Personality changes Aggression Negative outlook Eating disorders

Tension Fearfulness Stuck in past Abuse Gloom Headaches

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90 I / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

Try This:

■ Take one or more slow, deep breaths. Often when we’re becoming stressed we begin to take shallower breaths without even being aware of it. This causes you to be short of breath and to have diffi culty concentrating. By taking a “time-out” and tak- ing a few deep breaths, you automatically calm the body and the mind and are able to concentrate on the matter at hand. Try this technique before a presentation or during an emotional conversation.

■ Practice yoga or meditation . Yoga is a form of gentle exercise that positively infl uences the mind–body connection through the use of deep breathing, stretching, and slow but fi rm movements in a calm atmosphere. Meditation involves setting aside time on a regular basis to clear the mind of details and focus on being alert and calm. Usually meditation involves learning to concentrate on one image or sound, subduing other images and sounds. Practicing meditation for a few minutes each day can help reduce psychological and physical stress levels. 38 Health professionals and even some insurance companies have endorsed both yoga and meditation as proven methods for reducing stress.

■ Try progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) and guided imagery. In PMR, you isolate vari- ous parts or muscle groups in your body, and then tense and relax these muscles several times before moving to the next muscle group. Typically, the pattern begins at one end of the body and concludes at the other. Guided imagery involves engag- ing our ability to recall a special place or memory (or imagining a fantasy place, such as fl oating in a cloud) and invite the same positive feelings or sensations to re- turn. Both of these techniques can be done alone or with the use of an in-person or recorded facilitator or guide who can help you focus your thoughts on your body or your imagination in a powerful, stress-reducing way.

■ Eat healthily and exercise regularly. Most scientists and nutritionists agree that proper nutrition and eating habits play a big role in keeping our systems fi t. Three tips to con- sider include the following:

1. Try to avoid or restrict consumption of alcohol and caffeine, both of which deplete the system rather than replenish it. Most nutritionists who treat clients for a vari- ety of stress-related ailments share this advice. One wonders why we care enough about our unborn children to instruct pregnant women to avoid alcohol and caf- feine, yet once we are old enough to know better, we ignore this approach!

2. Eat for energy throughout the day, rather than simply eating for the sake of eating; this can also help you cope with stress. Comfort eating involves eating foods that bring immediate pleasant sensations yet yield little value over the long term. Comfort eating is hard to avoid since many of us fi nd the process so, well, comforting! Unfor- tunately, comfort eating usually results in indulging in unhealthy foods and in undesir- able quantities. Eating for energy is an entirely different mindset. It involves asking yourself throughout the day: How am I doing right now (physically, mentally, and emotionally), and what foods would be helpful? Which foods will help sustain me, and even help me thrive, versus which ones will drain me or fatigue me? An example is the midafternoon slump many of us face. Your fi rst choice might be to eat a candy bar, although it would be better to eat a piece of fruit. Not only does fruit supply more energy over a longer period of time, it also provides valuable nutrients and fi ber.

3. Create time for relaxation . This might seem impossible to the overworked student, the multitasking investment banker, the harried new parent, or the caregiver of an aging parent or ill signifi cant other. Taking at least some time out for you each day, away from the demands of others and the environment, can be rejuvenating and stimulating.

Overcoming Fear of Failure No discussion of time and stress management is complete without mentioning a common obstacle to our being effective: fear of failure . Fear of failure refers to the disposition to avoid an undertaking because of the anticipation of shame and humiliation upon failing.

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Current research reveals that fear of failing develops when individuals perceive others as treating them with high levels of criticism, attack, and neglect and then treat themselves with correspondingly high levels of self-blame and self-neglect and less self-affi rmation and self-love. High levels of fear of failure have been linked with health problems includ- ing headaches and eating disorders as well as reduced motivation and poor job perfor- mance. 39 As you attempt to achieve goals or perform tasks, knowing the right course of action to take isn’t always enough. Sometimes you run into obstacles. These obstacles shouldn’t stop you. They can be addressed and, in most cases, overcome. One of the most common barriers to interpersonal effectiveness is fear. Fear is one of the most basic of human emotions. It is part of your body’s natural alarm system that helps you react physically and mentally to danger and threat or the anticipation of danger and threat. Anticipatory fear has two distinct components: anxiety, a preoccupation with an anticipated threat, and worry, the internal struggle to devise a strategy to escape the threat. The body’s reaction to fear, while perfectly normal, can be unpleasant and can include a racing heart, hyperventilation, dry mouth, dizziness, nausea, and a change in blood circulation that can send a chill down the spine. Fear can also weaken our abil- ity to concentrate and cause anxiety disorders. But fear is, on the whole, good because it helps you anticipate threats, warns you of imminent danger, and spurs you to react to protect yourself. 40 Fear can be good or bad. It can have negative or positive effects on people. Good fear maintains your alertness and vigilance. Based on knowledge, reason, and instincts, good fear keeps you from danger or harmful situations. Sometimes good fear can actually “adrenalize” you. For example, in public speaking, a little nervousness is actually good—it can enhance your vitality and enthusiasm. Bad fear is a misreading of a situation. It holds you back instead of propelling you forward. It keeps you from applying your full energies to a situation. Some of the reasons for this are concern about rejection, making mistakes, taking risks, and failure. Negative fear stifl es learning and interferes with decision making; it also prevents you from being yourself and discovering new talents and interests. Don’t let bad fear stifl e creativity or self-expression. Giving in to fear can paralyze you, rendering you passive or unable to act. This can keep you from growing, developing, and ultimately succeeding. At its worst, bad fear can hinder your ability to take chances and be open to new experiences, threaten your existing relationships, and prevent new ones from developing. At its best, good fear can bring out new dimensions of your abili- ties and personality.

Summary By understanding and managing yourself intelligently you are more likely to achieve suc- cess and satisfaction—in your personal life as well as in business. Understanding how emotional intelligence impacts your emotional responses and the responses of others is a key component of self-management and will increase your effectiveness as a peer, worker, and leader. With practice, managing your emotions, time, and stress will become as much of a habit as brushing your teeth or stopping at a red light.

Figure 4–5 Hints for Overcoming Fear of Failure

Look at failure as an event, not a refl ection on you personally.

Remind yourself that everyone experiences failure.

Look for the “why” and fi nd a solution.

Ask yourself what you learned.

Associate with positive people and abolish fear and failure statements.

Create a new environment.

Access new information; let adversity become advantage.

Create a new perspective or mindset—develop new “self-talk”—for instance, background thoughts.

Take one step at a time; keep moving forward.

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92 I / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

Key Terms and Concepts

Endnotes 1. Colette A. Frayne and Michael J. Geringer, “Self-management Training for Improving Job Performance: A Field Experiment Involving Salespeople,” Journal of Applied Psychology 85, no. 3 (June 2000), p. 316.

2. Daniel Goleman, “What Makes a Leader?” Harvard Business Review 82, no. 1 (January 2004), pp. 84–91.

3. James Thomas Kunnanatt, “Emotional Intelligence: The New Science of Interpersonal Effec- tiveness,” Human Resource Development Quarterly 15, no. 4 (Winter 2004), pp. 489–90.

4. Ibid, p. 82.

5. Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence (New York: Bantam Books, 1998), p. 108.

6. Christine M. Riordan, Robert J. Vandenberg, and Hettie A. Richardson, “Employee Involve- ment Climate and Organizational Effectiveness,” Human Resource Management 44, no. 4 (Winter 2005), pp. 471–88.

7. Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee, Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence (Boston: Harvard Business School Press, 2002), p. 3.

8. See M. Afzalur Rahim and Patricia Minors, “Effects of Emotional Intelligence on Concern for Quality and Problem Solving,” Managerial Auditing Journal 18, no. 1/2 (2003), p. 150; and Ceasar Douglas, Dwight D. Frink, and Gerald R. Ferris, “Emotional Intelligence as Moderator of the Re- lationship between Conscientiousness and Performance,” Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies 10, no. 3 (Winter 2004), p. 2.

9. Victor Dulewicz and Malcolm Higgs, “Leadership at the Top: The Need for Emotional Intelli- gence in Organizations,” International Journal of Organizational Analysis 11, no. 3 (2003), p. 200.

10. N. M. Ashkanasy and C. S. Daus, “Emotion in the Workplace: The New Challenge for Manag- ers,” Academy of Management Executive 16, no. 1 (2002), p. 76.

11. “stress, n .” The Oxford English Dictionary . 2nd ed. 1989. OED Online . Oxford University Press. May 5, 2007, http://dictionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/50239243.

12. Victor M. Rojas and Brian H. Kleine, “The Art and Science of Effective Stress Management,” Management Research News 24, no. 3/4 (2001), p. 86.

13. A.D.A.M. Medical Encyclopedia (Internet version) (Atlanta, GA: A.D.A.M., Inc., © 2005); “Stress Management” (updated May 17, 2006; accessed May 5, 2007). Accessed at: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001942.htm.

14. Christine K. Nowroozi, “How Stress May Make You Sick,” Nation’s Business 82, no. 12 (Dec. 1994).

15. Suzanne M. Crampton, John W. Hodge, Jitendra M. Mishra, and Steve Price, “Stress and Stress Management,” SAM Advanced Management Journal 60, no. 3 (Summer 1995), p. 10.

16. John J. Sosik, “Self-other Agreement on Charismatic Leadership: Relationships with Work Attitudes and Managerial Performance,” Group & Organization Management 26, no. 4 (Dec. 2001), p. 484.

17. Tim Cuthell, “De-stressing the Workplace,” Occupational Health 56, no. 1 (Jan. 2004), p. 14, quoting defi nition by the Health and Safety Executive.

Distress

Emotional intelligence (EQ)

Eustress

Fear

Fear of failure

Organizational stress

Psychological stress

Physiological stress

Self-management

Stress

Stress levels

Stress management

Stress tolerance

Stressor

Time management

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4 / Self-management 93

18. See Kim Bachman, “Feeling Stressed?” CMA Management 73, no. 3 (Nov. 1999), p. 14; and M. Goldstein, “Getting Out from under Successful Meetings,” Bill Communications 48, no. 11 (October 1999), p. 28, in reference to a survey by Pitney Bowes.

19. Lonnie Golden and Barbara Wiens-Tuers, “To Your Happiness? Extra Hours of Labor Supply and Worker Well-Being,” Journal of Socio-Economics 35, no. 2 (April 2006), p. 385.

20. Barry Adamson and Murray Axmith, “The CEO Disconnect: Finding Consistency between Personal Values and the Demands of Leadership,” Ivey Business Journal Online (May/June 2003), p. 1.

21. Scott L. Boyar, Carl P. Maertz, Jr., Allison W. Pearson, and Shawn Keough, “Work-family Confl ict: A Model of Linkages between Work and Family Domain Variables and Turnover Inten- tions,” Journal of Managerial Issues 15, no. 2 (Summer 2003), p. 175.

22. L. A. Perlow, “The Time Famine: Toward a Sociology of Work Time,” Administrative Science Quarterly 44 (1999), p. 57.

23. Harry Plack, “Managing Time Can Be Crucial,” Baltimore Business Journal 17, no. 40 (Feb. 18, 2000), p. 27.

24. Steven R. Covey, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (New York: Free Press, November 2004).

25. Adapted from Steven Covey with A. Roger Merrill and Rebecca R. Merrill, First Things First (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994) p. 37.

26. Wendelien Van Eerde, “Procrastination at Work and Time Management Training,” Journal of Psychology 137, no. 5 (Sept. 2003), p. 421.

27. Patricia B. Sikora, E. David Beaty, and John Forward, “Updating Theory on Organizational Stress: The Asychronous Multiple Overlapping Change (AMOC) Model of Workplace Stress,” Human Resource Development Review 3, no. 1 (March 2004), p. 6.

28. Laura M. Little, Bret L. Simmons, and Debra L. Nelson, “Health among Leaders: Positive and Negative Affect, Engagement and Burnout, Forgiveness and Revenge,” The Journal of Manage- ment Studies 44, no. 2 (March 2007), p. 244.

29. Yi-Ping Lee and Brian H. Kleiner, “How to Use Humour for Stress Management,” Manage- ment Research News 28, no. 11/12 (2005), p. 179.

30. Bob Losyk, “Getting a Grip on Stress: What HR Managers Must Do to Prevent Burnout and Turnover,” Employment Relations Today 33, no. 1 (Spring 2006), p. 9.

31. Ron Ball, “Workplace Stress Sucks $300 Billion Annually from Corporate Profi ts,” Customer Inter@ction Solutions 23, no. 5 (November 2004), p. 62.

32. Ahmed Karim, Ali Mir, and Prasad Bingi, “Perceived Usefulness of Stress Management Strategies and Their Implementation: An Empirical Investigation,” Journal of Applied Management and Entrepreneurship 10, no. 3 (July 2005), p. 23.

33. Philip Dewe and Michael O’Driscoll, “Stress Management Interventions: What Do Managers Actually Do?” Personnel Review 31, no. 1/2 (2002), p. 143.

34. Brenda Gardner, John Rose, Oliver Mason, Patrick Tyler, and Delia Cushway, “Cognitive Therapy and Behavioural Coping in the Management of Work-Related Stress: An Intervention Study,” Work & Stress 19, no. 2 (April 2005), p. 143.

35. Dianne M. Tice, Ellen Bratslavsky, and Roy F. Baumeister, “Emotional Distress Regulation Takes Precedence over Impulse Control: If You Feel Bad, Do It!” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 80, no. 1 (January 2001), p. 53.

36. Karl E. Weick and Kathleen M. Sutcliffe, “Mindfulness and the Quality of Organizational Attention,” Organization Science 17, no. 4 (July/August 2006), p. 518.

37. Kathryn Proulx, “Integrating Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction,” Holistic Nursing Practice 17, no. 4 (July/August 2003), p. 201.

38. Herbert Benson, M.D. and Miriam Z. Klipper, The Relaxation Response (New York: Harper- Torch, Feb. 2000).

39. David E. Conroy and J. Douglas Coatsworth, “Coaching Behaviors Associated with Changes in Fear of Failure: Changes in Self-Talk and Need Satisfaction as Potential Mechanisms,” Journal of Personality 75, no. 2 (2007), p. 384–88.

40. Brad Schmidt and Jeffrey Winters, “Fear Not,” Psychology Today 35, no. 1 (January/February 2002), pp. 48–54.

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94 I / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

Exercise 4–A Emotional Intelligence Test

Answer the following questions by placing a check in the appropriate column; determine your results using the scoring instructions.

A lw

ay s

U su

al ly

So m

et im

R ar

el y

N ev

1. I’m aware of even subtle feelings as I have them.

2. I fi nd myself using my feelings to help make big decisions in life.

3. Bad moods overwhelm me.

4. When I’m angry, I blow my top or fume in silence.

5. I can delay gratifi cation in pursuit of my goals instead of getting carried away by impulse.

6. When I’m anxious about a challenge, such as a test or public talk, I fi nd it diffi cult to prepare well.

7. Instead of giving up in the face of setbacks or disappointments, I stay hopeful and optimistic.

8. People don’t have to tell me what they feel—I can sense it.

9. My keen sense of others’ feelings makes me compassionate about their plight.

10. I have trouble handling confl ict and emo- tional upsets in relationships.

11. I can sense the pulse of a group or a rela- tionship and state unspoken feelings.

12. I can soothe or contain distressing feelings so they don’t keep me from doing things I need to do.

Figure Your Score

For numbers 1, 2, 5, 7, 8, 9, 11, and 12:

Always � 4 Usually � 3 Sometimes � 2 Rarely � 1 Never � 0

For numbers 3, 4, 6, and 10

Always � 0 Usually � 1 Sometimes � 2 Rarely � 3 Never � 4

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4 / Self-management 95

Results

36 or above: You probably have superior emotional intelligence 25–35: Good level of emotional intelligence 24 or under: Room for improvement

Questions

1. What is your EQ? How accurately do you feel this score portrays you?

2. What, if anything, about your score surprised you?

3. What, if anything, about your score is most in sync with your view of yourself?

4. Evaluating the fi ve fundamental components of EQ, in which area are you the strongest? Explain, citing a brief example.

5. In which area are you the weakest? Explain, citing a brief example.

6. What implications does your score have for your personal life? Professional life?

7. What steps can you take to increase your EQ?

Exercise 4–B Personal Time Management

I. “Where Does the Time Go” Survey

The following survey shows how much time you spend in current activities. When taking the survey, estimate the amount of time spent on each item. Once you have this amount for daily items you will need to multiply them by seven or fi ve. After each item’s weekly time has been calculated, add all these for a grand total. Subtract this amount from 168, the total possible hours per week.

1. Number of hours of sleep each night _____ � 7 � _____

2. Number of hours grooming per day _____ � 7 � _____

3. Number of hours for meals/snacks (including shopping and preparation) _____ � 7 � _____

4. Number of hours’ travel time each workday _____ � 5 � _____

5. Number of hours’ travel time each weekend � _____

6. Number of hours per week for regularly scheduled activities (clubs, church, socializing, etc.) � _____

7. Number of hours per day for chores, errands, extra grooming, and so on _____ � 7 � _____

8. Number of hours of work per week � _____

9. Number of hours in class per week � _____

10. Number of hours per week socializing, dating � _____

11. Add the totals for items 1–10 � _____

Subtract the number from line 11 from 168: 168 � _____ � _____ These are the remaining hours you have each week for extra activities—studying, family, sports, hobbies, TV, relaxation. Surprised? Where does the time go!

Questions

1. How do you believe you spend your remaining hours?

2. How effectively do you believe you spend these hours?

3. What do you believe are your biggest time wasters?

4. In what areas of your life can you “gain” hours?

5. How can you redistribute your hours to have more time available for the things you want to do?

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96 I / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

II. Weekly Tracker

Break down your weekly “extra” activities to identify where you actually spend your extra hours. Use the following time chart to track your activity for one week. Fill in all the hours with the activities you perform. Be honest with yourself to get an accurate picture and pattern of where your time is spent.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday

5 AM

6 AM

7 AM

8 AM

9 AM

10 AM

11 AM

12 PM

1 PM

2 PM

3 PM

4 PM

5 PM

6 PM

7 PM

8 PM

9 PM

10 PM

11 PM

12 PM

1 AM

2 AM

3 AM

4 AM

Questions

1. Is your actual weekly time consistent with the fi gures you put in your survey?

2. What are your extra time periods and your time wasters?

3. How can you manage your time more effectively?

Source: Adapted from http://www.gmu.edu/departments/csdc/time.html.

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4 / Self-management 97

Exercise 4–C Life Stress Test

The Holmes and Rahe Schedule of Recent Experiences Survey (with some author modifi cations)

Instructions: Place a check mark next to each event you experienced within the past year. Then add the life change units associated with the various events to derive your total life stress score.

Life Event Life Change Unit

________ Death of partner 100

________ Divorce 73

________ Separation from mate 65

________ Detention in jail or other institution 63

________ Death of a close family member 63

________ Major personal injury or illness 53

________ Marriage 50

________ Being fi red at work 47

________ Reconciliation with mate 45

________ Retirement from work 45

________ Major change in the health or behavior of a family member 44

________ Pregnancy 40

________ Sexual diffi culties 39

________ Gaining a new family member (e.g., through birth, adoption, oldster moving in)

________ Major business readjustment (e.g., merger, reorganization, bankruptcy)

________ Major change in fi nancial state (e.g., a lot worse off or a lot better off than usual)

________ Death of a close friend 37

________ Change to a different line of work 36

________ Major change in the number of arguments with partner (e.g., either a lot more or a lot less than usual)

________ Taking out a mortgage or loan for a major purchase (e.g., for a home, business)

________ Foreclosure on a mortgage or loan 30

________ Major change in responsibilities at work (e.g., promotion, demotion, lateral transfer)

________ Son or daughter leaving home (e,g., marriage, attending college)

________ Trouble with in-laws 29

________ Outstanding personal achievement 28

________ Partner beginning or ceasing work outside the home 26

________ Beginning or ceasing formal schooling 26

________ Major change in living conditions (e.g., building a new home, remodeling, deterioration of home or neighborhood)

________ Revision of personal habits (dress, manners, association) 24

________ Troubles with the boss 23

________ Major change in working hours or conditions 20

________ Change in residence 20

________ Changing to a new school 20

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98 I / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

Life Event Life Change Unit

________ Major change in usual type and/or amount of recreation 19

________ Major change in church, synagogue, or mosque activities (e.g., a lot more or a lot less than usual)

________ Major change in social activities (e.g., clubs, dancing, movies, visiting)

________ Taking out a mortgage or loan for a lesser purchase (e.g., for a car, TV freezer)

________ Major change in sleeping habits (a lot more or a lot less sleep, or change in part of day when asleep)

________ Major change in number of family get-togethers (e.g., a lot more or a lot less than usual)

________ Major change in eating habits (a lot more or a lot less food intake, or very different meal hours or surroundings)

________ Vacation 13

________ Christmas 12

________ Minor violations of the law (e.g., traffi c tickets, jaywalking, disturbing the peace)

Total score � ______

Exercise 4–D Project/Task/Life Planning

Part I—Mental Download

1. Do a “mental download” of all of your current “active” projects—school-related, work-related, and personal. Put each on a separate list. This includes work projects (individual and team), classes, part-time jobs, extracurricular activities, hobbies, and so on—anything you consider as a “now” project.

2. Circle the most important projects from each list—”school” or “work” and “personal.” Build a small outline or plan of “next steps” for each of these active projects. This becomes the basis for a personal/professional “daily” task list. If you are a student, refer directly to specifi c course syllabi; if you are an employee or manager, refer to your department’s annual or strategic plan; use these as the basis for building your individual task lists.

3. Simultaneously, also map out your calendar for the coming semester or quarter with specifi c projects, reports, and exams for each course, or work deliverables, as well as other key personal or family/community activities and holidays noted.

4. Once you have these items represented on both your calendar and task lists, then go back to your original list. This is a time to take a deep look at everything on the list and make an “agreement” with yourself about “tabling” some of these projects/tasks for later. (You can’t do it ALL right now!) Put the items that do not truly make the “Active” projects list on a “Possibilities” list, meaning it is something you can possibly pursue later, but you know you do not have time for now. You can also add items to this “Possibilities” list that equate to “life goals” or “dreams”— things that may not seem possible or feasible now, but are aspirational for you.

By learning to make critical decisions about what you both can and cannot do right now, you give yourself the opportunity both for excellence in the things you do, AND you reduce the overall stress you feel by not overloading and overwhelming yourself. (This is one of the single hardest things for many people to learn, yet almost always differenti- ates those who achieve success and those who fl ounder due to self-imposed distraction and being overwhelmed.) By listing the items you do not have time for now with items in

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4 / Self-management 99

the “life goals and dreams” category, you still provide yourself the opportunity for future growth and accomplishment beyond the means of your current station.

Part II—Morning Regimen

On a daily basis: 1. Look at today’s calendar and your calendar for the next several days. This is to get a

mental picture at the start of the day of your formal commitments for today, as well as a feel for the time commitments and deliverables for coming days.

2. Look at your “active projects” lists—”school” or “work” and “personal.” These lists should include each and every class being taken at this time, as well as any individual course projects, upcoming exams, and key assignments for the class. If you are em- ployed, this should include any specifi c tasks and deliverables due on or near this day. This is to give yourself a feel for the “bigger picture” view of your active projects. This, of course, leads into . . .

3. Look at your daily task list. With a feel of your calendar and your bigger active projects, your daily task list should accurately refl ect these responsibilities with several “next step” actions to take to accomplish those calendar items and projects. Any missing task items should be added—especially those due today. If the task list looks too ambitious for the time available that day, then move either nonurgent or lower importance items to tomorrow’s list, to help with making more time for the truly urgent and important items that need to be done today.

4. Now is the time to check your e-mail, voice mail, and text messages, and incorporate any new needed items into your daily task list. NOTE: Do NOT do this step until #4 of your morning process. This is to help you see the bigger, more strategic picture BEFORE getting caught up in the daily urgency that often accompanies e-mail, voice mail, and text messages. Those items very typically exhibit “false urgency,” meaning that the sender will try to make them more important or urgent than they truly are. It is important to learn to keep these items in proper perspective when compared to your bigger projects and life goals.

5. After reviewing all of your new inputs (e-mail, voice mail, text) and incorporating items into your daily task list, take one last “big picture” look at that task list. Is it now once again too ambitious for the amount of time available today? Then once again move some of the lower urgency/importance items to tomorrow’s task list.

By following this simple 5-step regimen at the start of every day, individuals can better balance the struggles of a typical active college student or professional schedule. By look- ing at your available time AND your active projects list BEFORE looking at your task list and e-mail, it helps you to keep a “bigger picture” and “higher priority” perspective when it comes to daily task planning, leading to better and more focused long-term accom- plishment, as well as reduced personal stress and feeling less overwhelmed. You cannot get it all done—don’t even try. You’ll do just fi ne if you instead get the most important items done on a regular daily basis. And if you are following this regimen and still fi nding yourself overwhelmed, this is a signal that you are likely trying to do too much. The simple—but not necessarily easy— solution is to take one or two “active” items and table them so they now are part of your “possibilities” list. You’ll need to learn to say “no” or “later” to yourself, how to juggle and prioritize, and also how to communicate with others (teammates, bosses) if you need to reprioritize your list to get important things accomplished today. This is a critical skill set to develop to live a life of accomplishment and success. By doing the fi rst part of this exercise at the beginning of each academic term or work quarter (and possibly again near midterms if you’re a student and before quarterly reports are due if you’re employed), and then following the daily routine suggested in part 2 of this exercise, it makes it that much easier to learn to say “no” to yourself and to negotiate with others, as you will clearly and easily know your key priorities and commitments at all times and especially when new projects or commitments come your way.

Source: From David Allen, Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity (New York: Penguin Books, 2001); adapted by Randall Dean, author of Taming the Email Beast (Gilbert, AZ: Sortis Publishing, 2009).

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100 I / Intrapersonal Effectiveness: Understanding Yourself

Exercise 4–E Interviews with Three Business Profession- als (Out-of-Classroom Activity)

1. Interview three business professionals from companies and industries of your choosing. The purpose is to obtain a real-world perspective on the issues covered in this chapter. This will give you a chance to learn about ways in which different people manage their time, set goals, and make career decisions that have been important in getting them to where they are today. You will also have the chance to explore various careers within different industries and learn what it might take to develop your career within a chosen career path and/or industry.

2. Write a well-crafted essay describing how and why you chose the individuals and their companies to be included in your study, descriptions of what each individual does within his or her company, some background information about each employer and the industry in which it competes, and time management, goal-setting, or career decision-making tips you learned and feel are important to share with others. The latter part is one of the most important aspects of the assignment. Spend the bulk of your time and discussion focusing on this area.

Source: Submitted by Dr. Daniel Connolly, Associate Dean, Daniels College of Business, University of Denver.

Exercise 4–F Book Review

1. Select a book related to time management, goal setting, or career planning and decision-making. Prepare a written review of the book and how it builds on some of the concepts presented in this chapter.

2. Focus on what the book is all about, key lessons learned, and how these lessons can be applied to you.

Source: Submitted by Dr. Daniel Connolly, Associate Dean, Daniels College of Business, University of Denver.

Exercise 4–G Action Plan

1. Now that you have read this chapter, you might be thinking of how this chapter ap- plies to your own career choices over the next few years.

2. Develop an action plan that will allow you to pick up from where you are presently to where you want to be. The focus should be on what you are going to do next; spe- cifi cally, what are the next steps you will take to build on what you learned from this chapter? Keep the momentum going and answer the fundamental question: “What do I want to be when I grow up (or now that I’ve grown up)?”

Source: Submitted by Dr. Daniel Connolly, Associate Dean, Daniels College of Business, University of Denver.

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4 / Self-management 101

Exercise 4–H Refl ection/Action Plan

This chapter focused on emotional intelligence, time management, and stress management—what they are, why they’re important, and how to acquire and increase the degree to which you possess them. Complete the following worksheet to refl ect on what you have learned on these topics and to develop plans for incorporating that learn- ing into your work and life.

1. The one or two areas in which I am most strong are:

_____________________________________________________________________________

2. The one or two areas in which I need more improvement are:

_____________________________________________________________________________

3. If I did only one thing to improve in this area, it would be to:

_____________________________________________________________________________

4. Making this change would probably result in:

_____________________________________________________________________________

5. If I did not change or improve in this area, it would probably affect my personal and professional life in the following ways:

_____________________________________________________________________________

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