Essay

4 Love Lessons Learned as a Young Adult

Isabelle Vedrines

3/18/19

As we grow older, our perceptions change. Everyone realizes at some point that people don’t have cooties and where babies actually come from, but it isn’t until we start becoming romantically involved with others that we learn how complicated relationships can actually be. Women have also been expected to follow certain roles into relationships and as I grew older, I started to notice that some of the things I was told or thought, were not true.

It’s Okay to be a Slut

Liking sex or having safe sex with multiple partners doesn’t (metaphorically) demonize your character or devalue you as a female. In the movie Jennifer’s Body, Jennifer is sacrificed as a part of a ritual, but it fails since she is not a virgin and she becomes a demon that uses her sexual appeal to prey on boys and keep her healthy. Though it is easy to think that Jennifer got what she deserved, the movie reflects a greater point about how society is obsessed with women’s sexuality and purity. We’ve all heard that if you don’t have sex as a female, you’re a prude, and if you do then you put out easily. It has been an inescapable double standard thrown onto women for decades. Truthfully, it shouldn’t matter and really doesn’t. This idea also leads girls to feel guilty about sex. Women can be in charge of their own sexual experiences and attach what they want to it.

Value Your Personality

Actions will always speak louder than words and just because someone says that they love you, doesn’t mean that they do or love you for the right reason. It’s an idea portrayed many times in television, guys will lie to get pretty girls to sleep with them. Though it’s not fair to label every guy as a manipulative womanizer, it’s something to be cautious about. As the main character Janey in the story “A Story of a Wedding Tour” by Margaret Oliphant finds out. Janey is ecstatic that someone wants to marry her for love, “Nobody had ever loved her… Janey consented willingly enough for the magic of these two words.” Unfortunately, what she thought was love actually just physical attraction. He had no interest in her feelings, thoughts, or comfort. She then uses her knowledge of French and goes on to show that women can be independent and deserve to be valued for more than their beauty. Too often girls have tried to play dumb to make guys feel better about themselves. You want someone to love you for the right reasons.

Never Compromise

Although there is no perfect person, there are some things in a relationship that shouldn’t be looked over or sacrificed. It was once expected of women to get married and create a haven for their husbands to return to, but now that people emphasize marriage for love, it is important that both people are satisfied. One should never feel as if they have to ditch one of their core values to be with someone. Relationships require work and effort from both teams. As Eartha Kitt said, “A relationship is a relationship that has to be earned,” no woman should give endlessly and no relationship that is strong relies completely on one person. It is also important not to fall in love with the idea of what someone can be as Kitt states, “I fall in love with myself, and I want someone to share it with me. I want someone to share me with me.” Overall, never give more than what someone else can give you and never settle for someone who isn’t working towards the same goals.

Relationships Grow

The poem “Beside You on Main Street” by Jillian Weise, though brief, depicts a scenario where a young woman is passing an older couple and asks them about a party. The older woman laughs, but the young woman is curious and asks them how long they’ve been together and how marriage is. The old woman describes it as “it gets better but then it gets different.” I think an important thing to remember is that people change and grow over time. Sometimes people divorce and sometimes people grow closer together.

Overall, it is important as a woman to learn to be independent and self-aware. Out dated social expectations and beliefs about relationships are integrated into our thoughts before we even realize it. Magazines and social media often have information about how woman can make themselves appeal to men in ways that are not really beneficial or substantial. Basing value on how attractive men find you is a toxic and broken way of thinking. It leads to relationships between girl friends to become competitive. Don’t settle for being the object of desire for men. The strongest relationships are built on trust and mutual respect. Never give yourself up completely because you think someone will love you more for it.