Conflict Essay
11
Committed Romantic Relationships
Committed Romantic Relationships
- Relationships between individuals who assume they will be primary and continuing parts of each other’s lives
Dimensions of Romantic Relationships
- Passion:
Describes intensely positive feelings & desire
- Commitment:
The intention to remain involved
- Intimacy:
Feelings of closeness, connection, & tenderness
Styles of Loving
- Primary styles of loving
Eros: powerful, passionate, short-lived
Storge: comfortable, compatible, based on friendship
Ludus: playful love
- Secondary styles of loving
Pragma: practical (ludus & storge)
Mania: manic (eros & ludus) (games to test)
Agape: selfless (storge & eros)
5 Languages of LOVE
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Growth
- Individuality (our needs, goals, love styles)
- Invitational communication (hi, how are you?)
- Explorational communication (learn about other person)
- Intensifying communication (spend more time together; less traditional events)
- Revising communication (look at relationship in realistic ways: problems, issues; may end here)
- Intimate bonding (you know)
Navigation
- The ongoing process of communicating to sustain intimacy over time in the midst of changes.
- Couples accommodate each other as context and relationship changes.
- Turning Point: an event or conversation that moves a relationship toward or away from intimacy.
- Matching Hypothesis: we seek relationships with others who closely match our own values, attitudes, social background and physical attractiveness.
Navigation
- Relational culture:
creation of private world of rules, understandings, meanings, and patterns of acting
- Placemaking
Creating a comfortable
personal environment that
reflects values, experiences,
interests, & tastes
Navigation
Relationship Rules:
- Guide how partners communicate and interpret each other (often unspoken).
- Define expectations of certain kinds of relationships.
- Provide meanings of particular kinds of communication: silence=anger or hugs=affection.
- Explain when/how/where communication is appropriate (shall NOT rules).
Communicating in Romantic Relationships
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle privacy
communication privacy management theory
How we handle which information to disclose to others and what to keep private
Partners in a couple jointly own the information about their relationship
We form and manage privacy boundaries as couples and individuals
Communicating in Romantic Relationships
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle emotional communication
How we express emotion to each other helps explain the nature of our relationship
How well do you share how you are feeling?
Deals with how satisfied your are with your partner
Respond in a neutral way to negative emotions from your partner
Communicating in Romantic Relationships
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle instrumental communication
One of the most common forms of communication in a relationship
Day-to-day tasks require completion
The way in which partners divide everyday tasks often reflects the balance of power in their relationship
Slide*
Deterioration
- Intrapsychic Processes: beginning of the end, think about negative aspects of relationship.
- Dyadic Processes: breakdown of established patterns and rules..
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Slide*
Deterioration
- Social Support Processes: tell others about problems because couple lacks ability to restore intimacy.
- Grave Dressing Processes: individually try to make sense of the relationship- what it meant, why it failed, and how it affected us.
- Resurrection Processes: moving ahead to a future without the other.
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Guidelines for Communication in Romantic Relationships
- Engage in dual perspective
- Be able to talk about sex
- Manage conflict constructively
- Adapt communication to maintain long-distance relationships
- Ensure Equity in Relationships
Equity Theory: we are happier when there is fairness.
Lack of parity of each partner’s contributions, cost=benefits.
- Five languages of Love test
- http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/singles/
- UT questions to ask before you get married
- sandiegouniontribune.ca.newsmemory.com/publink.php?shareid=01cfcdc2c
- The break up– 3 lemons
- The break up– I’m done
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn3I6-DBLJM
- Bump into an ex
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnJOvvlGJrU
- When they break up with you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNwiKiUbC1M
- When harry met sally: love stories
Why Managing Conflict Is Important in Romantic Relationships
- Lack of skill in handling conflicts can end a relationship that is really important to us
- Lack of skill can lead to violence and abuse
Communicating in Romantic Relationships
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle conflict
Validating couples discuss disagreements openly and cooperatively
Volatile couples discuss disagreements openly but competitively
Conflict-avoiding couples discuss disagreements covertly rather than openly
Hostile couples have frequent, intense conflict
The Development of
Romantic Relationships
- Growth
- Navigation
- Deterioration
Reasons People Fail to Practice
Safe Sex
- They are impaired by alcohol or drugs
- They believe they aren’t at risk
- They find it difficult and embarrassing to talk about it with an intimate
Deterioration
- Intrapsychic processes
- Dyadic processes
- Social support
- Grave-dressing processes
- Resurrection processes