REFLECTIVE SUMMARY

Britain At War?.docx by Nayef Alkhalifa

Submission date: 24-Nov-2020 03:50PM (UTC+0000) Submission ID: 137268270 File name: Britain_At_War_.docx (44.46K) Word count: 1612 Character count: 10175

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FINAL GRADE

48/100 Britain At War?.docx GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

Dear Nayef,

Thank you for your essay on the question of whether Britain is at war. Below is my summary feedback, arranged according to the key elements of a university essay. At the end, I have suggested some concrete steps you should take when revising your essay for the final submission in January. These suggestions will also be applicable to your work in other modules, so please do consider them carefully.

Research (sources consulted)

The sources consulted were very good and all appropriate for this question.

Argument and Written expression (structure, analysis)

While you covered some very important and relevant topics in your essay (such as counter-terrorism in East Africa, Britain’s relationship with countries in the Gulf, and Britain support for torture during the WoT), your writing was very difficult to understand and the points you were making got lost. My impression is that you are trying to write in an academic style, in terms of the words and concepts you use, but overall they just left me quite confused. Clarity is one of the most important parts of an essay, and your focus should be explaining complex points (like whether Britain is currently at war) in simple terms.

Referencing (citations, bibliography)

Referencing and bibliography were good, though I made a few in-text comments.

Overall

I don’t want to be discouraged by this mark, given that it is clear you put a lot of work into this essay. But it’s important that your essay has a clear introduction, where the terms and parameters of the question are defined and established, and is written in a way that is easy to understand.

IMPROVING YOUR GRADE

For your final submission in January, and for future essays you write at university, you should focus on:

1. Define your terms and parameters in the introduction (in this case, what does war mean).

2. Write as simply as possible, as clarity helps the reader understand your argument.

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Comment 1

Who is John Cronin?

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Comment 2

This is quite a confusing first sentence

Comment 3

*war

Comment 4

which author?

Comment 5

who?

Comment 6

This is very confusing

Comment 7

I've had real trouble understanding what you are saying here.

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Comment 8

Sam Raphael and Jac St John

Comment 9

I'm starting to see the point you are making here, but it's hidden behind some really confusing language. Clarity is one of the most important parts of essay writing.

Comment 10

*Britain

Comment 11

But we know that Iraq was a war. The question is 'Is Britain at War?' Not, has Britain previously been at war

Comment 12

This sentence, for example, makes no sense to me. Try to explain the point you are making in simple terms, then relate it back to the question. If you realise it doesn't relate to the question, then it's not something worth keeping.

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Comment 13

*sniper

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Comment 14

OK, this is much better.

Comment 15

Write out the acronym the first time

Comment 16

I would like you to try to explain this to me in conversation, because I cant really understand the point you're making

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