Autobiographical-Theoretical Integration Paper proofread

My name is Farah Banoun, I was born on the 20th of January, 1975 in Morocco, tangier. I am a middle child of five, three sisters and one brother. My parents were Mohammed banoun and Khadija Mayali. Both of my parents are deceased. My dad died at the age of 67 in 1997 from high blood pressure. My mom unexpectedly died at the age of 64 in 2014 from food poisoning.

Prenatal stage: when my mom found out she is pregnant, all my family was expecting this pregnancy will be a boy since they had two girls already. My dad was very excited that finally will have a boy who will carry his name for another generation (culture things). My mom was well cared for by my dad, my aunts, and my grandparents, you know, finally “they think” the prince is coming. Unfortunately, their excitement didn’t last more than 9 months than the disappointment arrived. “congratulations It’s a girl”: said the nurse. Immediately, my mom started crying and thinking about how to tell people who are outside waiting for the “prince” to arrive.

Infancy stage: After a long time of resistance especially from my dad, day by day, my dad and his side of the family started to excepting me and caring for me Until my mom got pregnant, I was six months old. Then here you go again, all the attention went to my mom’s pregnancy and all are hoping this time will be a boy. Whee finally is a boy. Everybody is happy and totally forgot about me, that child who is just turned one, giving her no attention at all.

Early childhood and school-age stage: I felt that I was neglected and blamed for anything others did. I remember I was about 4, we were ready to go on vacation and of a sudden, we lost our brother “The only boy”. After hours of hunting for him, finally, we found him in the neighbor’s home watching TV. Of course, they blamed me, the (4 years old) for not watching out for her little brother.

Since preschool age, I didn’t like school at all. In my fourth-grader, my uncle was my teacher and my dad used to blame him because I wasn’t doing well at school. I remember my uncle told my dad that he is being ungrateful and that he wants all his kids to be perfect, and he will be fine if one of his five kids is not smart enough. I still remember those words and hurt me until the present.

I was shy and a cry baby. I was very emotional and easy to be hurt. I was not allowed to play outside by myself, obviously, my parents didn’t trust me enough to handle being outside by myself in case someone will kidnap me.

According to Erikson Stage 2: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt and going all the way to stage 4; Industry vs. Inferiority: I wasn’t able to develop a sense of personal control. No one trusted me to be independent, I wasn’t allowed to make choices or gain control of my own things, it was all “ask your sisters or just don’t do it because you are not good at it”. I was not encouraged by my parents either by my teachers to develop a sense of autonomy or even let me try and learn from my mistakes. My family used to make me ashamed and make fun of me if I have an accident in my pants or if I can’t pronounce a word correctly.

Adolescent stage: all my years of age was blaming and not being enough, I didn’t have friends, I was not allowed to go out except with my parents or my sisters, still not doing well at school, I failed three times and didn’t get my diploma from high school. I think I wasn’t stupid and damp “as my family stated” but I was just tired to prove myself and not getting the opportunity to identify my personality. I remember I was always picked on because of my color. We used to go to the beach every year “we owned a beach house”, and my mom won’t allow me to stay under the sun so I would not get darker and look like a slave “according to my mom”. I started, “actually forced” to not go to the beach or go outside if it is sunny so that I wouldn’t get darker and not looking good, I didn’t believe that she did it for me more that she did it for my family who were embarrassed to have a dark skin child was the only dark color person in my family and I used to get fun of my color.

According to Erikson's “Identity vs. Role Confusion”: I was a little confused, what is my role, with the family, in school. Why I am not enough to my surrounding, why I am not treated like others, why God put me in this situation, is this situation ever will be changed, can I be better, am I going to be successful one day? am I being able to find a man who can treat me better? am I worth it? How can I prove myself? Can I change the people’s point of view about me? “even I didn’t choose to be that person”? During this stage, I didn’t feel any sense of self and personality, I still had to follow and do anything I was asked without any questions. My only goal was at that moment is too whitening my skin by putting any remedies I heard of until I damaged my skin and started visiting dermatology until now.

I never blamed my parents, who protected me from getting darker and no one will like me either blamed the society who sees dark skin as something that won’t qualify you to be a good person.

When I turned 32, I got married, it was an arranged marriage, it was our neighbor’s child. I was planning to marry my hidden five years relationship loved one, still, my family didn’t accept it because I didn’t know where is my best interest.

In my second year of marriage, I won a lottery to come to the USA. Our every Moroccan dream, I was very lucky and my husband to come here and try to create our personality and start from zero.

In three weeks, we gathered our paperwork and flew to America. I was very excited and sometimes nervous telling myself this is it, either you prove your family that they are wrong and you are not stupid, or they are right and I don’t have to waste any time.

My first job here was as a daycare assistant, doing everything, from cleaning the toilet to wiping kids' buttocks from a dirty diaper. I taught myself English, I used to read books with little children and watch blue’s clues kids show. Until that day, I remember it was Thursday, someone dropped off a flyer about a program that helps with the GED. Without any thinking, and my little English, I called them on the same day and asked how to start this process. In one year, I got my GED and my driver's license. From that day, I decided to do anything I was not allowed to do when I was in Morocco, from driving, talking to male/gay/ lesbian/Christian/ black friends, speaking up for myself, and more. I got my USA citizenship, got my associate degree in childhood development at media, associate degree in human services in immaculate, and bachelor degree in human services in Drexel. Now I am pursuing my MBA in psychology.

According to Erikson, this stage is about sharing more intimately with others “which I did but not in the right way because no one warned me” and explore/extend a relationship to long-term commitments with anyone who we trust and rely on.

I was told that, based on my family’s outcome, I wasn’t successfully competent to be an adult without my family’s guidance, and this was why I always felt lonely low self-esteem and no confidence.

Middle adulthood: Based on Gould, ages, I feel so confident, very successful, ready for challenges. I am very proud of myself and what kind of person I became, from a middle child, who her family didn’t believe in her, working in a manufacturing company that didn’t need any brain except hands and eyes, getting married to a stranger “thanks god he turns a great person any women dream of”, work in a community daycare as an aid, Parent educator, to a supervisor in the same community center.

Now I am in the position that I don’t have to prove myself to anybody, just enjoying my life with my husband and my two boys, my success, and overall, my life.