Same Sex Marriage
Audio Transcript: God’s Great Idea: Toward a Theology of Sexuality
As we think
about sexuality, it's God's great idea. But I'm sure that there are some who are saying, really, is it really
God's great idea? There's a dissenting view. There are those who see sex as evil and see
it very much as a part of our living
in a broken world. I remember one
time listening to a secretary who had been married for a good
number of years. She was talking to a
group of secretaries who were just beginning to think about
getting married. And she said, you know, male and female
relationships would be great if it
just were not for sex. Wow, she's not alone. There have always been in the history
of the church, Those who have
looked upon sex, particularly Sex and
our fallen world, as something evil,
something bad. Augustine commented that all sexual
pleasure is evil. Rc sprawl reminds us that throughout the
history of the church, some have expounded on the notion that sex
within marriage even is merely tolerated by God for the sake of
procreation. Think about the area of sexuality and as
we look at what does the Bible
had to say and how will we develop a
theology of sexuality? Were aware of the
fact that there are many who feel that sex in our fallen world
is actually evil. So one of the things
that we want to do as we seek to help people recover and
develop a theologically, Biblically informed
view of human sexuality is we want to help people recover God's great idea. And as we do that, there are some requirements that we must meet. We must begin to
think theologically. Now I know the
word theological. The concept of
theology is one that can be very threatening or
intimidating for some. So I thought we might
talk for a moment about what we mean exactly by thinking
theologically about this great idea or all
of God's great ideas. I thought it might be
helpful to think about theology as God's logic. Really the words theology can be broken apart into two different words
that OSCE or theo, which often stands for God, and is the Greek
word for God. And logos or logic, which might then just simply transliterate
God's logic. When we talk about thinking theologically
about an issue, we're talking
about finding out what God's logic
on the issue is, or perhaps even
more to the point, what is God's work? What does God say
about this subject? I, I'm reminded of the call of God to his people in, in the book of Isaiah
where God says come now and let us
reason together. Our God is a
reasonable God. He speaks and he wants to reason around the words
which he has spoken. He reveals to us patterns. He speaks to us of His purposes within the
context of His Word. And as we think
about sex and as we think
about sexuality, I think it's good
to distinguish these two terms
when I think about sex and as we
talk about sex within the context
of this lecture, we're talking about
that appetite that is in the human body that has been placed
there by God. We'll see in a few moments that it is a good appetite. But it is primarily tied to procreation and to pleasure and to the purpose of God. God said to the
male and female, I want you to multiply, replenish, subdue
the earth, and have dominion over it for the glory of God. God wanted there
to be procreation. And so he did
not leave it to accident just as he placed within
the human body. The desire for Thursday because the body
needs refreshment and liquid in order to survive the desire for food because the body
needs food. So he placed within
the sexual appetite. And this is related
then to procreation, but also to pleasure and in a broader sense to
the purpose of God. Sexuality I think is to be differentiated from sex. Sexuality has to do
with the aesthetics that surround the fact that we are sexual beings. The appreciation for
the differences, the ability to celebrate
those differences, and the kinds
of feelings and pleasure that
we derive from. Noting that in fact males and females
are different, different voices,
different shapes, different thoughts,
different perceptions. And I think many times in the Christian community, we confuse
sexuality with sex. We think that any
sexual feeling can perhaps represents something that is sinful. When an effect, it is given to us to experience our sexuality as
something that is good and something
that is pleasurable. As we think then
about the issue of God's logic or theology, we are thinking then
about God's Word. And God's word is
contained in the Bible. God speaks to us within the context of scripture. Paul said to Timothy
from a child, you have known the Holy
Scriptures which are able to make you
wise unto salvation. All Scripture is given
by inspiration of God and is profitable
for doctrine, for approved
for correction, for instruction
in righteousness, that God's person
might be mature, thoroughly furnished
unto all good works. Now I know that when we
think of good works, we tend to think
of evangelism. We tend to think
of preaching. We tend to think of some of the good things that we do. But I want for
the purpose of our lecture to understand that sexuality
and sex within the context and purposes that God has outlined four, it is one of those
good works and God has given to us
then within his work, the logic and the
governing principles that are to guide us as we enjoy his good gift
of sex and sexuality. We help people discover the greatness of human
sexuality when we help them experience their sexuality
within the structures required by his
logic, by his word. Let's examine 12 biblical theological
principles. When understood, applied,
and experienced, heighten our ability to enrich our own personal experiences
with sexuality. And heighten our ability
to help other people who perhaps are struggling with the issue
of sexuality, to enrich their
personal experiences with sexuality as well. First of all,
then God's Word and principle number one, when we want to
find out where to begin on the subject
of sexuality, it is always good to go back to the beginning. And as we move back
to the beginning and look at the early
chapters of Genesis, we find God's word, God's principles governing
human sexuality. First of all, it's
very clear within the biblical texts that God made man and woman. He made them in
the beginning, male and female
created he them. We also know, as
we've said already, the sexuality is a
necessary element in humanity's ability to fulfill the
creation mandate. God says, I want
you to multiply, wants you to replenish, wants you to subdue
the earth and have dominion over it. The team was created
to have dominion, but that Dominion
was to be in part, managed by a godly seed. And Malika, chapter two, verse 15, the Prophet says this to the
leaders of Israel. Did not God make both
one in order that he might have or
seek a godly see. Adam and Eve within
the intention of God, were created as
sexual beings, as a part of their
sexuality and their experience of sex between the two of them. There was to be
the birthing of a Godly C that
would be used of God to have dominion over the planet for His glory. So sexuality then is a
necessary element in humanity's ability
to fulfill the creation mandate
and the divine purpose. God pronounced his
entire creation good. Read the early chapters of Genesis, and
it was good. And it was good,
and it was good. And sexuality falls within the purview of
that statement. God is saying of the team and the sexuality that
they experience. That it was in
fact a good thing. He sanctified His purposes. It would be a mistake
to think that sex or sexual feelings were bad as those who seek to
help other persons. We realize that within the context of
the Word of God, sexual feelings and
sexuality is one of those good gifts of God that is to
be celebrated. Look at the Song
of Solomon, read it and you find there a celebration of
human sexuality. The physical form
is celebrated. The very act of sexual intimacy
is celebrated. The relationship and the differences
between males and females are
celebrated within the context of the
Song of Solomon. And oftentimes
there has been an embarrassment or an attempt to say,
well, you know, really what you
have in the Song of Solomon is simply a kind of a poem that celebrates the relationship between Christ and his Church. Well, it may be that that's behind some
of what is there. But in reality,
this is God's manual on human sexuality. The Song of Solomon
is the manual that one book
in the Word of God that focuses directly on the issue of
human sexuality. God's Word in
principle number two, it is not God's will
that we consign the sexual dimension of our personhood
to extinction. As with other appetites, we must assume personal responsibility for control. Control, not extinction is God's logic and God's plan. In Proverbs chapter 23, we have some really
interesting instruction on the issue of appetites. I've said that
theologically, I think it helps
to think about sex as one of those good
appetites that God has placed within
humanity for the preservation and for the extension of humanity. In Proverbs 23, we read this when you set to
dine with a ruler. Note, well, what is
before you and put a knife to your
throat if you are given to gluttony, do not crave has delicacies for that
food is deceptive. Proverbs 23 is dealing with the subject
of appetite. And there are several
words that are very, very critical to
understanding what is being taught
in this text. There's the word
given if you, if you desire or if you, if you are given
two delicacies, recognize the
deceptive quality of those those, those things that you use to indulge your appetite. And when you sit down, if necessary, put a
knife to her throat. If you are a person who has given to gluttony, if you're given to
eating too much, if you like the
delicacy is too much, then take dramatic
and drastic action. Take control of that
area of your life. And so as we look then
at appetites, the, the idea is not to stop eating forever because that would mean certain death. But the idea is, recognize that appetites
can overflow there. God ordained banks. They can become
destructive elements in your life and give yourself to a
careful management or control of
that appetite. In Proverbs, chapter five, verses one through 23, we find the same
kind of attention given to the need
for control. We read this Drink
waters out of your own cistern and then let them be only thine own and
not strangers. This powerful passage
on sexuality admonishes for monogamy at
admonishes for control in the Song of Solomon again and again, particularly in
chapter two, verse seven, Chapter three, Verse Five, and chapter
eight verse four. We read this young woman
saying stern out up nor awaken love
until it is time. This is dramatically
tied to the concluding chapter of The Song of Solomon. And chapter eight, verses
eight through ten. Where we have again, poetic language describing a young woman's journey
into adulthood. And there are some brothers who are raising
her and the, the words are spoken. We have a little sister and that what
are we going to do with her in the
day that she will be spoken for in the day
when she matures. And the, the
brothers say, well, if she's a wall, then we will honor her. But if she's a
revolving door than we will have to
take other action. And in the eighth chapter, verses eight through ten, we find this young
woman saying, I am a wall. I have reached maturity and I have maintained
my integrity. The way she has maintained integrity in the
sexual area of her life is by practicing this
careful control, stern out up nor awaken
until it is time. And so within the context
of the word of God, as we read God's logic on human sexuality and
listen to his word. Sexuality is not
to be stirred up nor awakened until it is time control then
is a central issue as we think about
God's logic with reference to
human sexuality. Now it's also important to recognize that control is an element in the fruit of the
Holy Spirit. It is a component of His gracious work in the life of the
child of God. Paul tells the Roman
believers you are not controlled by the flesh,
but by the Spirit. If so, be that The Spirit of God dwells in you. And then he says, if you don't have
the spirit of God, you don't belong
to God because everyone who belongs to God has the spirit of God
living inside of him. Paul will say,
Don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 522 through 26 is love and peace
and gentleness. But one element
in the fruit of the Spirit is the
element of self-control. As we think then about what the Shulamith
maiden was saying, what we are taught
in Proverbs, what we're taught in
the Song of Solomon. We realized then
that the spirit of God has come in
order that we might be able to exercise careful self-control
within all of the areas of our lives. Rather it's the
words we speak. Rather it's the
indulging of our desire for something to satisfy our thirst or
rather in fact, it is related to
our sexuality, self-control, and our refusal to
apply it to ourselves. And our relationships
introduces us to biblical theological
issues like sin, repentance, confession, forgiveness, and
restoration. The Garden of Eden
as a tragic story of two people created for intimate
connection with God and intimate connection
with one another. We are now living in
the post fallen world. The reality is
that rather than obeying the words of God. The instruction of God, Adam and Eve
rebelled, they sin. And because of that, self-control becomes
a critical issue. They were out of control. And God had to initiate a whole plan of
redemption to bring them back to the
place where they could be once again and fellowship and
intimately connected with him and with
one another. And so God's work of redemption
and the shedding of the animal blood in the provision
of skins for them. And then ultimately
the coming of the Messiah and the death, the burial and the
resurrection of Jesus Christ so
that He becomes the propitiate ocean
or the covering for our sins and
not for ours only, but for the sins of
the whole world. Introduces all of us
to the reality that post Eden living
east of Eden, as we sometimes say, introduces us to
the consequences of sin and rebellion having entered every arena
of our lives. And sexuality is one
of those arenas. The exercise of appetite is another of those arenas. And so self-control and our refusal as individuals
to apply it to ourselves and our
relationships introduces us to
themes like sin. And we read, For instance,
in first John 19, If we confess our sin, z is faithful and
just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all on righteousness. And second Corinthians
chapter 67, Paul talks about
the necessity of repentance when relationships
are broken and wounded because of
the presence of sin. He talks about the issue of confession in first John
19 and forgiveness. And then in
Galatians chapter five, verse one, we are admonished
to consider the need for restoration. And those of us
who are spiritual are admonished to move alongside of others and participate in ministries
of restoration. And so as we think then of this whole issue
of self-control, we are mindful that
self-control is set against the backdrop of rebellion and human sin. And that Jesus
Christ has sent the Holy Spirit in order that we might not
be drunk with wine, but be filled with
the Spirit and be controlled by the
spirit of God. Therefore,
self-control, as we think of the issue
of sexuality, is the biblical model, rather than extinction or some other aesthetic model, then God's word in
principle number three, the only legitimate
satisfaction on the sexual appetite, according to the
Word of God, is inside of
covenantal commitment. The seal of covenantal
commitment, as at the heart of God's logic regarding
marriage, if we read, For instance,
in the book of Genesis, for this cause, a man shall leave
his father and mother and shall
cleave unto his wife. And the two shall become one flesh within
the context of the Song of Solomon. As we read regarding marriage and the
marital relationship, we come to the
eighth chapter. And this young
woman asking for the one thing
that she feels is absolutely necessary
to have and to achieve the marriage that is the Merit marriage union
envisioned by God. Asked for this, set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm for love is
as strong as death. And jealousy is his
unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot
quench love, rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for Love, it would not be enough
to purchase it. And so as we look then
at the Word of God and God's logic regarding
human sexuality, we realize that,
that God is saying there must
be covenant. There has to be in place a strong covenantal
commitment. A commitment to monogamy, a commitment to
celebrating a relationship with one other person
till death, do part. And the seal then becomes
the symbol of this. I was reminded, I was thinking of
this of the, of the way in which
the whole bottling of things like aspirin and across the counter
medication changed when the Tylenol kinda
thing happened years ago where someone put a poison inside
of a capsule, a pilot of Tylenol. And every sense
then the tops, getting tops off
containers has been more difficult than every
top has a seal on it. And if you go to
the store and you, you want to buy one
of these bottles very often what you'll do
is you'll look and you'll see as the
seal and tag. And if it's not, you put it back because you want one of those bottles where the seal is intact, because the seal speaks of purity, speaks of safety. It speaks to the fact that this has not been
tampered with and that it's safe to
take and that when you take it out of the bottle, there was a
therapeutic power for healing that will be there and not for harm because of the seal. God tells us any
fees in chapter one, verse 1314, When you
believed you were sealed with the Holy
Spirit of promise. And so as we
think then about marriage and
sexuality within the context of Scripture, we realize that
sex is meant to be a part of a covenantal
relationship. That it can only be all that God
intended it for B to B when it takes place within the context
of covenant. When there is the seal of a covenantal pledge that is at the heart of
the relationship, that safety, that
sense of protection, that sense of purity, that sense of exclusivity
is what enriches the biblical
theological view of sexuality and what makes sex for couples
who honor this much, much more gratifying and fulfilling than anyone
else can enjoy. It must be said
that when Jesus was teaching the
disciples about this in Matthew chapter 19, verses three through 11. And saying this is
one of the reasons why monogamy is
so important. It bring something
wonderful to a marital, into a sexual
relationship that, that what happened was
his disciples said, if that's the
case, if you're, if you're hooked a one
woman for one life, it would be better
never to be married. Again, we are reminded of how sin has interrupted the divine vision
and has caused problems with what
God envisions. Nevertheless, as we think
about sexuality and sex within the context of the biblical
theological worldview, it takes place under
the seal of covenant. Principle number
four, God's Word. And principle number four, some sex relationships, according to God's logic. And the word of God, represent a form of idolatry fashion
than the myths, the personal fear. Addiction, and rebellion. Victimisation abounds
when sexuality is divorced from the
directives of God's logic and God's word. And Hebrews. Chapter
13, verse four, we are told that
marriage is honorable in all and the marital bed is pure and undefined. But we are reminded that
those who committed adultery and engage
and adulterous LH, sexual relationships,
GOD will judge. These were told in
Romans chapter one, verse 25, that human beings change the truth
of God into ally. They worshiped the creature more than the creator. And because of
this, God gave them up to vile affections. And men left the natural
use of the woman in and became filled with On righteousness
and fornication. And in the midst
of all of that and in the
victimization that abounds when
sexuality is divorced from the directives of God's logic and God's word, we encounter the
strong teaching of scripture that tells
us to walk in wisdom. Not as fools in the
arena of sexuality, awake from sleep, arise from death,
redeem the time. Sometimes you
were in darkness, Paul tells the
effusion believers, but you are now in light and you are to walk
as children of light. Sexual sin doesn't fit your new lifestyle
and let it never be named among you. And so we must remind people and we
must be reminded ourselves that some
sexual relationships represent a tragic
form of idolatry, where sexuality is deified and become something
that Lords, that has a position
of Lord ship in our lives and commit and creates addictions
and all matter of rebellion and victimization follows in its train. Principle number five and God's word, Hebrews 134, reminds us that sex again, under the seal
of the covenant, is not just good, but it is pure. It is honorable,
and it is wholly. You remember the passage
says marriage is honorable in all and
the bed on defiled, honorable could be
translated pure, holy. So some have spoken
of holy sex, and I think that is a wonderful metaphor
to describe God's vision for sexuality within the contracts
const, text of marriage. Sex under the seal
of the Covenant is, is honorable, it is holy. It's very difficult
in our broken, fallen world for a
couple to realize that when they are
actually having sex, when they are enjoying
sexual union, that God is actually
pleased with this and sees it
as something holy, something honorable,
something that is connected to his plan
and to his purpose, and yet that is
in fact the case. And that is what
the author of Hebrews is teaching
us that marriage. Under the covenantal seal, is in fact a
sanctified place. And the practice of
sexuality within marriage and sex within marriage is a sanctified, honorable, and
pure practice. God's Word in
principle number six. The sexual appetite
is not placed in humans only to
assure procreation, but rather it is
God's intention that our sexuality be a source of intense pleasure for us. Some would say, well
then sexes, alright, but it's only within the context of marriage and it's only for procreation. This doesn't square, I think with what the Bible teaches about
sexuality and sex, It's not just
about procreation. There are too
many passages in scripture that
indicate that God's intentions
for sexuality are broader than simply
procreation. It is God's will
that sexuality, and that's the
sexual act itself be a source of immense and intense pleasure for human beings, God is not anti pleasure. God is not anti
enjoyment in Proverbs five versus
18 through 19, we read this rejoice with the wife
of your youth. Let her breasts
satisfy you at all times and be
ravaged with her love. And Ecclesiastes
chapter nine, verses seven through ten, your garments be
always white. Give attention
the holiness. Let your head lack
know ointment. Give attention to
spiritual anointing, but live joyfully with
the wife whom thou love us all the
days of your life. Take time to read
the Song of Solomon. Look at the number
of times that the, that the term
ravaged appears. Look at the way
in which the two describe one another. And you began to
realize then that God's plan is that under the seal
of the covenant, that there be a
kind of knowing and a kind of pleasure derived from the
experience of sex. That really is
unlike probably any other thing life
has to offer us. God's Word and
principle number seven, sexual intercourse is more than a physical act. It involves two persons in a very special
kind of knowing. That implies
deep connection, communion, sharing,
and total self giving. I would say that
if we think about the major
metaphors that, that inform a biblical theological view of human sexuality. We would have to
talk about covenant and covenantal
relationships and, and having sex under the seal of the Covenant. But we would also
then have to talk about a kind of intimacy, a kind of knowing
that is unique. The Scriptures, we
read that Joseph knew not marry until she had brought forth
her firstborn child. We read that Adam
knew Eve, his wife. And and that in
that knowing it's more than knowing about its more than facts, it's a deep, deep knowing that is taking place
under the seal. It is a kind of intimacy
that is related to two giving and to serving and to sharing
with the other. There's a, there's a
kind of safety that surrounds this knowing and this very special
relationship. And what's the two
persons have a kind of special kind of
knowledge of one another. That results in a
deep connection, a deep sharing and a
total self giving. In a sense, this
parallels what Paul teaches any fees in chapter four, verse 29. When he talks about
this idea of making certain that no cutting communication comes
out of your mouth. But only what is good for edifying that
it may minister grace to the here and grieve not the Holy Spirit. This covenant and this seal that surrounds the
sexual relationship. And a biblical theological worldview results
in a focus on the other person that flows toward the needs
of the other person. It is a grace focus. And so Covenant within the biblical theological
worldview is, is flowing and the direction of
meeting needs. It is gracing. It is, it is
ministering grace. It is ministering to another person, serving
another person, being with another
person in a way that MFIs and ministers
grace to that person. So within the context of the biblical world view
on human sexuality, sex brings two
people together with the idea of giving in a
way that meets needs. And both of them
are focused on meeting the needs and
the life of the other. And we'll see in a few moments
because of that, there is a deepening
sense in which they meet the needs
of themselves. The whole metaphor
that Paul is using any fusions for as a
metaphor of a body. Talks about the church as a body so that when
one part rises, the other part rises. And as we think
about the act of human sexuality, it's not just about taking, it's about being
involved in a very special
kind of knowing a very deep connection and communion and sharing. That because of the one
flesh relationship. That knowing and that giving not only elevates
the other person, but takes you up
at the same time. So that is one part rises, all rise as one part finds enjoyment,
all find enjoyment. And so as we think then
about the issue of the biblical,
theological worldview and human sexuality. It's about Covenant thing. It's about sex under the protection and
purity of the seal. It's about gracing. It's about having
a mind that is that is committed
to using all of the resources
that are at my at my available ability to minister to the needs
of this other person. God's Word in principle
number eight. Sex, because of its
intense nature, cannot bring ultimate joy to the participants without a complete commitment
from both partners to the exclusiveness
that monogamy guarantees the seal again, the absence of fidelity
to one's partner till death parts
is a violation of the divine
law and produces internal rage
and the person being victimized
by the infidelity. Even sexual
fantasy divorced from the covenantal mate can diminish the Joy of Sex derived from
monogamous coupling. Solemn, and we'll say
better is the site of the eyes than the
wandering of the desire. Wandering itis
can compromise the integrity of the seal and the purity of
the relationship. And so sexual fantasy
has to be very, very carefully guarded and focused on one's mate. But as we look at the
seal and the Covenant, you remember back in and salt Song of Solomon, Chapter eight, verses 67. Jealousy as cruel
as the gray when there is a violation of the purity of the seal, when there is a violation
of the covenant. Jealousy is the byproduct
and it can work. It's destructive power on a relationship and destroy the sexual
relationship. For sexuality
functions best in a relationship
where there is this commitment to
the preservation of the seal and where
there is this idea of gracing the other person where there is
an exclusivity and a focus on
the other person that sees her rising. While he rises,
seat him rising. Well, she rises
because we are connected to one another.
We are one flesh. So there's special kind of knowing and the
special commitment to to Covenant thing and the special
commitment to the seal. Special commitment
to gracing is at the heart of the biblical
theological worldview on human sexuality. God's Word and
principle number nine. Sexual intercourse
is a part of the marital
relationship that is necessary to the
experience of genuine and full
unity and marriage. Only in cases
where it is made impossible by other
compelling reasons, should its absence from the marriage relationship
be acceptable? In these cases, both partners
should understand the reasons for its absence and give willing consent. First, Corinthians
chapter seven, verses one through five, governs several
of the principles that we're going
to share now. Let the husband
render under the wife her do affection. And also the wife.
Under the husband. The wife does
not have power over her own body. And the husband
does not have power over his own body, but the wife does don't defraud one another
except it be with consent for a time that she may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer and come
together again in order that Satan not tempt you for
your abstinence. Let's move on and, and summarize this particular
portion of Scripture, God's Word and
principle number ten. Sex in this passage is
a reciprocal right? It's not just
a mail, right? Or a female, Right? It's a reciprocal right. She has power
over his body. He has power over her body. It is based on
the reality that our bodies belong
to our mates. This scriptural
teaching is never intended to be a license
for spousal abuse, but rather to emphasize the responsibilities that accompany the
marital commitment. Spouses are
responsible under God for serving
one another, for gracing one another to flowing to the needs
of the other person. And in a satisfying and healthy sexual manner. This really helps us to understand sometimes what happens in a relationship where he wants to do this, but she doesn't or she wants to do this
but he doesn't. And that's that the gracing principle
immediately deals that out because unless there is this
sense of consent, unless there is this sense that this is
something that we're both happy with
and content with, then you don't do
that kind of stuff. But it's, but the biblical theological
paradigm says, We do, we grace
one another, we floated the
direction of need. And we do that in a
reciprocal fashion. So it isn't just one
meeting the needs of another and as healthy
and it's satisfying. Such a set setting, sex is personal and holding a complex
Meeting of both mates, feelings, thoughts,
and sensation. And again, grace then
flows to the need, the body concept that Paul gives to us any
fusions for that relates to the
church develops around the one flesh
concept that is part of the institution
of marriage only in marriage and the church
and in the Trinity. Do you have this
kind of unity, this oneness with
particularity. And, and the particularity is always in a sense subsumed to the oneness so that we are one
flesh, we are one body. And as want members
of one body, we differ and we celebrate
those differences. And we use those
differences to meet the needs of the other. And as that other person's
needs are met and they rise and they feel a sense of
edification. So we rise with
them because we are vitally connected
to one another. And so as we think than a principle number ten, and as we think of
this teaching in First Corinthians
chapter seven, verses one through five, we realize that there is this vital connection. There is this sense
in which marriage is holy and the
bed is undefined. And there is this
sense in which we are connected to one another and that
we don't have power over our bodies. So this idea of gracing
one another then becomes absolutely
critical to the advancement
of the intimacy. That was to be a part of that special
kind of knowing. That is at the
very heart of the biblical
theological paradigm for human sexuality. God's Word and principle
number 11 again, First Corinthians
71 through five, sex should be viewed not only as a way of getting
one's needs met, but also as a way of
serving one's mate. Refusal to meet a
mate sexual needs in a wholesome and healthy
manner may place the spouse in a position
of vulnerability to sin within the
marital relationship. This responsibility
to respond in a affectionate
covenantal gracing way is so vital and
if it's absent, if we differ from it, there is the exposure that resolves in the
life of our other, of the other partner to the potential
for temptation. And so as Paul is teaching on marital sexuality,
saying, you know, when marital sexuality
is not in place as it should be according to the
teachings of this text, what happens is
the other person them because they are not achieving levels of satisfaction in the
sexual area there live, become an object for
say, tannic attack. And that's why then no
husband or no wife has the permission
biblically to withhold from their
husband or their wife. Because in a sense, when they do that
without consent, without prayer and fasting, without following
a set line of structure that is
outlined and God's word. What happens is they expose or they open
up their partner to being vulnerable to
say, tannic attack. Well, God's Word in
principle number 12. Sex is fully satisfying
then only when two persons possessed of expanding individual
identities. Come to the experience. There is a celebration
of differences. Each one comes to
give and demand. Each one remains intermittently independent
and dependent. Both are committed
to filling the void in the other and discovering in the filling a developing fullness
in themselves. Sexual intimacy requires oneness with healthy
separateness. This brings us, I think, to the last metaphor
that I want to use. As we think of the biblical
theological worldview, paradigm, and
human sexuality. We've talked about the
absolute prerequisite for the metaphor
of covenant. We looked at the Song
of Solomon and saw that that biblical
sexuality is meant to function under the
seal of the covenant. And that the seal is a wonderful metaphor
that speaks of of, of ensuring that purity and therapeutic power resides
in this medication. And if we, if we think of sexuality than if sexuality is to be powerful and our marital
relationships, and if it has to
be a powerful force for enjoyment and pleasure within our own personal lives in
our marriages. Then it has got to function under the seal of
covenantal protection. And when it doesn't,
the potential for jealousy and
the potential for the damaging, corrupting work
of jealousy. And our relationship
is overwhelming. And a relationship
is transformed from a relationship
that was intended to bring life and enrichment to one that is bringing death and imprisonment and bondage. The second metaphors,
the metaphor of grace. Notice that that you really only have this kind of, of experience of sexuality
that is envisioned within the Song of Solomon and within other
portions of Scripture. If each of the people come to it and
know how to give and domain if each
of them common and, and know how to, to, to understand that they are
empowered persons. That they have meaning and, and that they have
identities that in fact are, are powerful. David said I am fearfully
and wonderfully made and that my
soul no ath, Right? Well, and I've defined intimacy and some of the writings that
I've done as, as oneness with
healthy separateness. I think sometimes
when we think of the Biblical paradigm
for marriage, we think of a oneness where one of the persons or both of them are lost in this sort of murky
mystical union. But that's not the
biblical picture at all. I don't think. For instance, in the
Song of Solomon, in the last chapter, the last few verses
of the chapter. The, the woman
comes to the man who is with his friends
and she says to him, cause me to hear
your voice. You bend with your
companions long enough cause me to
hear your voice. I want some communication. And so this woman
comes and says, my needs are not being met. You are with
your companions, you're having a good
time talking to them. But I have needs I need
to hear your voice, cause me to hear
your voice. And so she has possessed
of an identity. That that allows her
to come and say, I need for you to Grace me. You're not gracing me. I don't hear your voice. I want you to come
and speak with me. I want you to come
and talk with me. And so in a, in a marriage where sexuality
is experienced, within the biblical
theological worldview, there was a commitment
of resources within that
marriage to empower the other person to become a full person so that every wife and
every husband can say what David said. I am fearfully
and wonderfully made and that my soul
north, right, well, and there is a
commitment of resources within
that marriage to the empowering of
the other person. Because we recognized that when one is edified, the hole is edified. When she is edified and empowered and she
can give-and-take. She can receive
and CER she can demand and give when she
can do those things. And he can do those things when there is that sense of full empowerment that comes from knowing who
I am and Christ. And then that
commitment to gracing. Not an empowerment
that says, give me I demand, but an empowerment that
results in gracing, flowing to the needs
of the other person. While at the same
time recognizing that I need for you to flow
toward my needs two. So this covenant thing, this gracing, the sense of, of empowerment that is at the very heart
of the Biblical paradigm for the body and for the one flesh
relationship and marriage results in the experience
of intimacy. That is at the heart of the Biblical paradigm. For human sexuality, God envisions a
marriage that in effect is every bit as powerful in terms
of the level of intimacy experienced as that which is
experienced within the triune Godhead itself. Everything flows out of the intimacy and
the oneness and the vital personhood
that is embodied in the Trinity and in a marriage there is
a level of intimacy. In the Song of Solomon
knew we read If a man would give all
the substance of his house for Love, it would be for,
for, for Love. It would be worthless because you can't buy it. Well, you see when we honor the Biblical paradigm
and when we function within the covenantal
purity of the seal. When we have a deep
abiding conviction that we are in
this relationship to grace the other. And when we see and
understand how gracing another flowing to the needs of
another results, in a sense and an
empowerment of the self that elevates
the whole body, that elevates the
whole marriage, that elevates
both partners and opens them up to
the experience of a safety and security that resolves and levels of intimacy that can only be compared really
to the levels of intimacy that are enjoyed with the try unity of God. And so we began
to realize that God really does know
what he's talking about. When he lays out his logic, when he speaks his word to the subject of
human sexuality. And we realize and affirm that God really did have a great player. That God's great plan
for us included are joyful experience of the good gift
of sexuality. And that, that's all a
part of his grand plan for us as His creatures
and for his purpose, for us as we fit within his pattern to do the
work of his kingdom.
Redeeming Sexuality: Recovering God's Plan for Our Lives
Before we can begin to look at
the various aspects of sexuality with many many great experts
to participate in the series. I want us to reflect about what's
happening in our culture and more specifically in our Christian subculture
around the whole topic of sexuality. I believe with all my heart that the
greatest challenge facing the church for this next century for at least four or
five decades to come. Is the topic of sexuality
we are fighting a war. A new war it's not a war
just against terrorism but against an enemy as dangerous to the well
being of our culture to the future of our children as any war can
be against terrorism. It is a war against
unsanctified secure while the. At a recent conference I dubbed
this war Operation redemption and I want to call us to
a very careful examination. Of where we are in
the area of our sexuality operation Redemption is a call
to pressure protect and restore a healthy sexuality in ourselves in our families and in the church to begin I want to read a few verses of Scripture
from First Thessalonians chapter four. Starting at verse three the Apostle
writes is it is God's will that you should be sanctified that
you should avoid sexual immorality that each of you should learn to control
his own body in a way that he is holy and all memorable not in Passion Of The Lost
like the heathen who do not know God and that in this matter no one should wrong
his brother or take advantage of him the Lord will punish men for all such sins now we will cover many many interesting
topics throughout the series. There will be some that we will
not be able to cut the cover will barely be able to scratch
the surface of them. So I would like to give
an overview of what I think are the most significant challenges
facing us in a Christian church in a Christian subculture
in the area of sexuality. Recent events have a really
raise the ante on human sexuality children and six. The recent crisis in
the Catholic Church has brought to the foreground just how serious
the problem of pedophilia is. But I don't think we've begun to
scratch the surface of that very very serious problem. The Catholic crisis has
also raised the ante on the whole issue of pastoral sexuality. Now while at the moment it appears that
the Catholic Church is taking the full brunt of the public's reaction
I think it would be rather ridiculous of us to think that we do not
have a problem in a Protestant church. The whole issue of homosexuality
is a serious problem. Particularly since recent
developments in the whole homo sexual Reno has moved homosexuality
as a problem outside of just those who by sexual orientation or
homosexuals. As I will show in a little while
there is a very very significant movement in the homosexual
community towards trying to get normal heterosexual
men to participate in their activities try it out you
might like it is the sort of idea that is driving a lot
of homo sexual activity. Then we have the whole
domain of pornography. The recent Supreme Court ruling
that virtual pornography that is pornography that is created in a computer
using digital images is acceptable. We are going to see a very very
significant change in that whole area in terms of its challenge to us to
build a sanctified sexual sexuality then there are also a whole new host of sexually transmitted diseases
coming down the road toward us. These new sexually transmitted diseases are significantly more difficult
to treat they are resistant to any forms of treatment that we have
these forms of sexually transmitted diseases are communicated orally
In other words through the mouth. They can cause still realty. They can they are causing harm
a whole new host of viral diseases and infections that can
devastate a woman's life and potential as a mother so
they are a many many challenges facing us as we seek to build
a sanctified secure while A-T.. Just looking at those verses from
first this alone Ian's it's very clear what the Apostle Paul is saying
he begins with the emphasis that it is God's will that we should be
sanctified and almost immediately addresses him self to the topic of
sexuality now I think there's a reason for this because there is no
IF of human existence more significantly tied to the need for
sanctification than secure well if. It is our sexuality that defines the
quality of person we are particularly for men it is our sexuality that
needs to be guarded and more importantly in my
opinion needs to be redeemed. Now why am I making this
emphasis on redeeming sexuality. It is because I believe
that we have lost our way I'm a great fan of space travel
I've watched the emerging space program that the privilege of
knowing a few astronauts personally and there's a phrase that comes to us from one
of the Apollo missions where the message back from the spacecraft was
Histon we have a problem. I'm fascinated with
that expression because this was more than a problem it
was a catastrophe in the making. And I sometimes feel like we've
got to get up on the rooftops and shouted out to the church
people Christians everywhere we have a problem we have
a put ten show catastrophe looming on the horizon in
the area of sexuality and never before perhaps other
than in the Times of Sodom and Gomorrah have we faced a need a challenge to get back to a godly sanctified sexuality now some of your
my priest surprised to see hear me linking sexuality
sex with santification that you see they can
be a holy sexuality and this is God's will for
us that our sexuality be pure. That it be holy that it be
the wonderful gift that it is supposed to be this gift
from God to all of us but as I look at the contemporary scene
including our Christian subculture I must confess that I am a little
horrified it was is happening. So why does sexuality need in redeeming
let me suggest to you some reasons why. First of all sexuality has lost its way. Martin sexuality including
the sexuality of many of us Christians. Has become grossly distorted by media. Influences by modern day values and of course the bottom line
it's been distorted by sin male sexuality has become X. particularly distorted. One of my areas of research and
study is the whole area of male sexuality I think for the past thirty years it has
been a significant focus of my interest. I have worked through Dr of ministry
program at the seminary I teach with many many pastors and it the numbers
go into the thousands of pastors who have come through my courses as we
have talked about building a healthy personal life and we have examined
the sexuality of past his particularly. And the men that have been
a part of my focus again and again it has become very obvious
to me that this sexuality is distorted in fact I don't have to look
much further than myself to find evidence in how the media cultural values and
influences have impacted me how I tend even in my quest for
godliness to be so easily distracted by the distorted
secular ality of our day and age. Modern sexuality is dangerous to women and
children it's very clear when we look at the abuses
of those in power and how children particularly in recent times
have been the target of sexual expression. A distorted sexuality is I
think the most significant cause of what we call the gender
gap men and women are far far away from each other in
the area of their sexuality and I don't think that was God's
intention in his intelligent creation I think this gap is
enormously wide because at least one of us namely men
have been influenced by a the distortions of modern
day sexual influences. The sexual revolution back in the sixty's
first took six out of marriage but it is very obvious that we have
now taken six out of the relationship. And that doesn't auger well for
the future of our children and for the future of our
Christian the subculture. So sexuality needs redeeming of
that I am absolutely certain God's greatest gift to humankind. Has been which was intended
to be a beautiful thing. Has become a distorted. Thing. And I hope that through the medium
of these this video series we will see some in some way be able
to contribute to getting ourselves and especially our Christian
subculture back onto the track of a sanctified sexuality. I would like to discuss some of
the distorting influences what what are the sources of this
distortion going on in our culture. Let me challenge you with
a few questions first of all. Have you paid attention to your
supermarkets magazine rack lately. Maybe it's just because I have teenage
grandchildren that I can't help paying attention to art I see in these magazine
racks as you trying to leave a supermarket or if you go into a bookstore as you
leave the bookstore these racks off of magazines with messages
that clearly are designed to include a type of sexuality and
what I see appalls me every magazine targeting
young people teenagers. Has as its headlines
something about sexuality. Sending the message that sex
is OK The city has started the better have you watched
the primetime television. Focused towards teenagers lately. I must confess that I I don't
have the guts to sit and watch some of that stuff but every now and
again I accidentally come across it and I am a poor This seems to be
hardly ever an episode of any teenage oriented television
program that doesn't include a scene in which these
young people are having sex. The assumption for all our teenagers
growing up if they ever watch any television is that all teenagers
are having sex the invitation for them to do the same is obvious. Let me explore with you some of
the more serious distorting influences that typically we're not
thinking about these days. The age of puberty is continuing to drop. Now this may not seem to be a very
serious matter but I think it is if we go back one hundred fifty or two hundred
years the age of puberty was around seventeen eighteen within months or
certainly a year or so the person was ready for
marriage and was able to get married. But through the years the age has
begun to drop my mother when she was a teenager went through puberty
at around age fourteen fifteen. My daughters when they went through
puberty they were about thirteen. My grandchildren going through
puberty at about age eleven or twelve. By one daughter has
a neighbor whose daughter has started to menstruate and
she's only nine years of age this has some very serious
implications and I don't hear it. Researching it or talking about it very
much what it means is that increasingly younger children are now becoming
capable of childbearing and having sex. At the other end of the scale
sociologists are telling us that adolescence doesn't end
at age seventeen or eighteen anymore but is now up to
about age twenty eight or thirty. This is partly due to the extended
educational system that we have where by young people are not
able to set up a home. To earn enough money yet to be able to. Start a family or even get married. What this means then is
that there is a very long waiting period between when one is rich. Before six and when one is capable
of legitimately having sex at least in terms of the standards
that we as Christians hold to and this long waiting period is the time when distorting influences can
begin to operate imagine that the average person today has to
wait somewhere between fifteen and twenty years from the time
when they are ready and capable of sex to when they can
legitimately fulfill that desire. This long waiting period gives rise to
all sorts of opportunities for distortion because the sexuality of boys and
men is so very easily arre anted. The most distorting
influence on the sexuality of men during the long waiting
period is that of pornography. On the screen you will see first of all
a chart depicting the age of puberty. And then also a chart that shows the age
of first exposure to pornography and you will see that very soon after
reaching the age of puberty a lot of boys if not the majority
get exposed to pornography and this starts as a powerful
distorting influence later in this series I am sure
you will be hearing a lot about the influence of pornography but
allow me to make just these few comments. Who suffers from pornography. While the pornographic industry primarily
targets men it is rude women who suffer. From its effects ask any wife. Of a husband who is addicted
to pornography ask her how painful it is ask her how she
suffers because of that influence. Pornography. Presents a reality that is
greater than the reality with which most men have to live it creates
an idealized image of the female body of sexuality and
in a sense sets one up for disappointment because the real life
is no where going to match that. Of the sexuality presented in
the pornographic movies or magazines. Thirdly pornography is
damaging because men who become exposed to it and
then become dependent on it or even addicted to it over the many years
to follow during this waiting period. Find it very difficult to transition from
that exceptional experience to that of. The experience with a real person. In fact I'd go so far as to say
based on my therapeutic experience for some in it is almost
impossible after the for twenty years of dependency
on pornographic movies and magazines it is impossible for
them to transition their sexuality to that of a real person and
now we have computers. And with computers has become perhaps
the greatest threat of all in the area of pornography and
that it is the the threat of cyber sex. I and certainly know that in my
variance of working with the past is that this has become a very very
significant challenge for many of them cyber sex where you use computers
to access sexual images. Can easily be concealed it's a totally
private thing no one else can know. That you are engaging in that sort of
activity so it has become a very special temptation for
Christian men in this day and age it's devastating because it creates
a virtual sexuality not a real sexuality it takes sex
out of relationship. And when ever you take sex out of
relationship the it becomes distorted in a way that that is not
the certainly not sanctified but in the long room road is
not very satisfying either. These forms of these forms of sexuality using artificial images
indulges the male fantasy life. Feeds the needs for for fantasy and in coal Kates and this really
is the most dangerous aspect for all of pornography it in
cook a certain tolerance for violence as it relates to sex but
what is pornography is real damage. It portrays women as sex objects. Secondly it sets very unrealistic
standards for the ideal female body. There is no way that the average women
to today can match those ideal images. I have personally seen the impact
of this on my wife on my own daughters and now in my granddaughters
they are as they are coming up because the media presents
this ideal female body and image that is almost impossible for
the average person to match up to sexual fantasies are often forceful and
violent. Pornography depicts the unrealistic idea that if a woman doesn't want sex
then something is wrong with her and this distortion in to male sexuality
by the pornographic industry has had a carry over to women
good women Christian women. Who have bought into the lie that
because they don't match their husbands level of sexual interest that they must
be something wrong with themselves and that is a lie. That every priest young woman
needs to to to face up to. Now I've said a lot about the distortion
of sexuality as it affects men but there's one more very important distortion
that I think is worthy of your attention. For boys the early exposure to
pornography adds a certain additional excitement because for them at that
very early age they experience this exposure as something taboo something
they shouldn't be doing it's Norty and that causes a rise in the level
of a circulating adrenaline which is as you probably know
the hormone that excites us in times of stress or when we're doing
something thrilling and exciting. Now this pairing together this
connecting between sexual arousal which is caused by the normal
hormones of our God given bodies and the adrenaline excitement when you're
doing something you shouldn't be doing it combines to form a certain level
of excitement that if perpetuated. Makes it very difficult to connect
just with sexual arousal and it is this pairing of adrenaline
excitement with sexual arousal that is a very very significant problem
for men today including Christian men. This pairing of adrenaline excitement
means that one is constantly seeking for a higher level of excitement a higher
level of a rouse will looking for the purrfect orgasm for example. It's the basis for all dictions and. Perversions. So on your screen you will see a chart
in which I have tried to depict the sexual continuum. Of a rouse will starting at
the normal range on the one side going to what I call a distorted
normal Yes it it may not be very very extraordinary to be
engaging in that activity or to be doing that particular thing but
it is a distortion of normality and when you continue on that continuum of
excitement the more adrenaline excitement that you become dependent
on in your sexual response the more then it moves into the realm
of addiction one becomes that dictated to pornography addicted to certain
forms of sexual expression and then it moves to perversion and
then finally to pathology. And what I'm suggesting
about that continuum is that even a slight distortion
of normal sexual arousal is on a trajectory towards addictions
perversions and even to pathology. This is perhaps one of
the most significant areas for men that needs to be sanctified
that needs to be redeemed because the more we pursue pleasure
the more we try to achieve a greater level of pleasure the more we go
down this adrenaline excitement road personally it's been one of my most
significant challenges as I have tried to sente find myself
sexuality is to realize that the more I pursue pleasure in
sex the further away I get from the real deep
satisfaction that comes from a union with my wonderful and
beautiful wife or to put it in other way. Real satisfying sexuality lies
in the realm of relationship. It is the relationship. That is key to a sanctified sexuality. To summarise then therefore what I've
said thus far since the age of puberty continues to drop and
the upper end of adolescence goes up. We are increasingly seeing a longer
period of waiting between when our children reach an age at which they
can experience the sexual feelings and when they can satisfy those feelings
illegitimately and it's during this long waiting period that we have
to do something to help our children our young people our
teenagers our young adults avoid the distorting influences of
the culture in which we we live and have a little bit more to say later
about what we can do to help them. But before I move into some practical
suggestions on how to redeem sexuality there are three brief areas that I would
like to comment on again in order to set the stage for whatever might follow
in this video series I want to comment first of all on the topic of pedophilia or
to say something about pastoral sexuality because we have
many pastors watching these videos and many of themselves I know who
are struggling with their own security and then lastly just a few thoughts
about homosexuality and its challenges in this day and age and
then I want to talk about some practical ways in which we can redeem and
sanctify our sexuality. If we are going to undertake operation
redemption which is my call to all of you. We need to understand three
significant challenges in our day and age the first one is children and
six the pedophilia problem this is not just a problem with Roman Catholic
priests it is a problem facing us in every church in every neighborhood we
have a serious problem with this whole desire on the part of some who
sexuality is not just distorted but which is perverted in their desire to seek
out a secure experience with children. There is a move afoot. To try and legitimize sex with children there is an organization called the
North American men Boy Love Association. That has tried to push for a way of legitimizing
this type of sexuality. A recent experience in the American
Psychological Association called the rind crisis named off to
the person who provoked it followed as a research study
that was published in the one of the American Psychological Association
journals in this study it wasn't really a study from scratch it was
what is known as a metal analysis where you pull together some findings from
various other studies made the argument or try to prove the point that
there was no evidence that when adults engage in sex with children and
they were talking mainly about males with boys that there is
evidence of any harm to the boy. This was published in a prestigious
psychological journal but all hell broke loose it went as far
as the House of Representatives and they voted unanimously without
one dissenting vote to chastise the American Psychological Association for
publishing the study the point was that we provide a lot of government money for the
sort of research and if this is the sort of research that is being published by
the American Psychological Association then we must reconsider how much funding
we want to give to the sort of research. As a result the American Psychological
Association set up an independent panel. To look into this matter and
to set up new standards for research but no sooner had the the A.P.A. taken that action then another crisis
developed because of academic freedom and our rising to two situation developed
it's now into Ryan three because it seems as if it's something you can't win a
battle that you're not going to win very. Easily. Now the point I want to make these this. Even if such a study were to show and
in fact they would it was that the majority of children were not
harmed by this activity but even if it were to show that no children were harmed
what has happened to our common sense. Children no matter what age no matter
whether a behavior is damaging or not children just cannot
make consensual decisions. I draw your attention to
this because it is I think a problem that is going to become
increasingly a challenge to us. The second area that I think needs
some comment is that of POS troll sexuality many pastas will be
watching this series many pastas have become challenged by wot has
happened in the Catholic Church. Why our past is at risk here. Clearly we have our share of
sexual predators in the ministry. They need to be weeded out
I don't doubt that one bit. But there has been a tendency
in recent times for some groups to point the finger at all pastors and
I think that he's unfair. The truth of the matter is that
the majority of pastors out there who fail moderately are good ordinary past is. But they failed because of two. Weaknesses. Bust of them could be corrected in our
seminaries and I think part of Operation redemption that I would like to call
is to is to encourage our seminaries to do a better job of preparing
our pastors for the ministry. The first area that they need
to be better taught in is to understand the phenomenon of
transference and counter-transference those of you who are watching this video
who are in the counseling business understand perfectly well what I am
talking about we are trained as counsel is to understand and
deal with problems of transference and counter-transference it is clear from my
research into the sexuality of past is that when pastors are trained
to deal with transference and counter-transference problems
the incidence of moral failure drops by as much as seventy five percent. Passes Mrs Reed the affectionate bonds
that occurs between a people helper and the help he in the counseling relationship
between the one who is counseling and the one who is being counseled and
when pastors realize that this trial. Currents thing where the person you're
trying to help is transferring back on you the expectation that you can meet all
their needs when they understand that phenomenon and can they are able to
separate their role from those affections they can be significantly protected
from sexual moral failure the other reason past is need help
is because sexual moral failure for past is a cause under one of two
extreme conditions first of all moral failure occurs when a pastor
is failing excessively. When a failure is dominant
in a pastor's life. The depression that follows
from that has a numbing effect on the pleasure center in the brain called
the locus accumbens the pleasure that center in the brain can no longer
derive pleasure from ordinary things. And at that point because of the numbing
of the pleasure center passed as a vulnerable that is when they
are likely to turn to some sexual form of acting out because
that is possibly the only type of pleasure that can overcome the numbing
of their own pleasure center so pastors become very very
vulnerable when they are failing significantly but there is another time
when they are vulnerable as well and that is when they
are extremely successful. Pastors who are very successful
also numb their pleasure center but now you have an addictive process
an addiction to success and the addiction to exciting new things and
addiction to always starting new things that also numbs the pleasure center and
makes them highly vulnerable in the area of
sick show a moral failure. Then a few comments please about. Homosexuality. There's no way I can in this brief
moment solve that whole problem but I do want to draw attention to a recent
development within the homosexual community there's a new
wants presentation coming out of the gay movement cold
men having sex with men. Not men having sex with gay men but
men having sex with men it's an invitation a broadening of
their interest and influence by trying to align themselves
with men who are looking for some extraordinary new
form of sexual pleasure. The motive is clear it's so we're here for
opening up new sexual partners. They offer example encouraging
teenagers to experiment with same sex partners
even if they are not gay. Even if they don't feel those
tendencies there is a subtle nuanced pressure now on
the young people to explore that as an alternative outlet for
their sexuality. I think this can be damaging. Clearly there's no doubt in my mind at all
from what I know about neuropsychology the brain is plastic enough and
flexible enough that when I teenage boy is encouraged to engage in
activity with other boys or men knew that it can begin to shape and permanently affect their sexuality and we
should do everything we possibly can and to help our Christian boys and all boys
for that matter not to buy into the lie. How can we re deem the sexuality. How can we achieve a truly
Holy Sanctified sexuality. Well obviously I don't believe we can do
that outside of God I don't believe that that we have the power or to do it in our
own human strength so we need God's help. But to move us towards a redeemed
sexuality a sanctified sexuality allow me to make some
suggestions on what we can do. First of all and perhaps perhaps the top
of my lists is that we have to D. emphasize the pleasure aspect of sex. If we have lost our way I think it is
down the road of pursuing pleasure. We are a pleasure hungry society
we seek pleasure in everything we seek pleasure in our food in our
vocations we want pleasure in our sporting activities in our recreational activities
we are a pleasure hungry society. But God has created our pleasure center. With certain limitations. If you push that pleasure
center excessively. Something happens. You begin to blockade that center in
such a way that the threshold for pleasure goes up it's like you're
raising the bar it's like a one of those jumpers has to jump one of those
high those high things whatever their goal you're raising the bar on pleasure so that
you increasingly need a higher level of excitement in order to get that
pleasure it's a bottomless barrel and this is the addictive process and
you will no doubt be hearing a lot about addictions through
the videos that that are to follow. We have to deemphasize the pleasure of
six we have to get off that road and move back to a an understanding that deep satisfying sexual satisfaction and I mean at the deepest
possible level comes about through relationship it's all
about the union of the cup. And I know where I have
I speak been married for forty eat seven years forty
seven wonderful years and I can honestly say that
even at my stage in life my relationship to my wife is
far more satisfying in my sexual experience than anything I have
ever sort in the realm of pleasure. Secondly I would say that in order
to develop a redeemed sanctified sexuality we have got to begin to emphasize a non genital
side to our sexuality. The problem with al day and age is that
all sexuality is to genitally focused. If we can understand
that human sexuality goes beyond the genitals goes
beyond satisfying the genital if we can only do that at an earlier stage
in our young people in our young married couples we could go a long way to
sanctifying a secure while or to. Look at what happens to men when they
find that they have prostate cancer I have a dear friend A D. A dear friend and yesterday received news
that he has advanced prostate cancer. I hope they'll be able to take care of it
surgically but I know this that now for the first time in his life he will be
challenge to refocus his sexuality away from his genitals and I also know
from many men I've counseled with who have been through this process that
it can be as satisfying if not more so even though one is forced to do it
through having lost your sexual powers. I would Thirdly say that if we are going
to develop a sanctified sexuality we have to help couples
particularly men because they are the ones who tend to do this
more than women we need to help them deal with their beliefs and
habits of fantasy. In my study for
the sexual man book I discovered that men use fantasy I'm talking about
married Christian men now you Santa see excessively in order to achieve
some measure of sexual arousal. They become dependent on that fantasy but
the more they use fantasy for that purpose the thorough that down
the road of addiction they are moving and the more difficult it is going to
be to achieve a healthy sexuality. To become healthy in one's sexuality. I would add that one
has to be open to work. And be open to talk about
your own sexual distortions I encourage every man especially
that this is true for women also to have an accountability
group a group that you can trust that you can be open with that you can
talk with about your sexuality. Our silence as a Christian church in
this area is what is going to kill us. Yes we have a problem but as long as we continue to be silent about
it as long it is they did a dog secret that we keep hidden in the the back rooms
of our churches never allowing it to come out in the open where we can talk
about issues of sexuality freely and openly as long as we keep it silent
it is going to be a serious problem. We need to help provide opportunities for
couples to talk about their sexuality it's not a matter of always of going to
a sex therapist or trying to find a for a wife to try to find a better way to
satisfy her husband we have to help couples get back to basics to get get
to get back to God's design to what God intended for their sexuality
we have to remind them that when we live rich fulfilling
lives when we are absorbed by meaningful purpose in our lives we
supplement a lot of our sexuality. And some of the motion is not a bad thing. It can be a good thing it's part of
Poles admonition to us in that one Thessalonians four verse four portion of
Scripture I read to you that every one of us has to learn how to
control his sexuality. How to control his body. I would say also that if we go
to help our Christian people. To develop a sanctified
sexuality we go to have them have to have them own up to their
vulnerabilities in this area many spiritual giants walk on a virtual edge of a precipice just one step wrong. And they fall many of them have been
destroyed by sexual indiscretion. I encourage my past is to adopt
as a motto that every man has his price every woman has a price
this is Biblical take heed lest you fall we need to understand the vulnerability
and the more we can own up to it the more we can claim God's power or
and protection over us.
Growing Up with Values (Dr.James Dobson Family Talk)
Here's Dr. change toxin
with family talk. It's been said that values are not taught
to children. Their children absorb
what their mothers and fathers believed
by watching them in everyday
situations. Dr. Kevin Lehman relates the story of manual Chico, Who was the first Hispanic be appointed president
of the university. One of 12 children
that she called up an extreme small farm in New Mexico that his
father had managed. According to
Chico, we didn't even get electricity
to light. But what was lacking
was made up for it. Later. He really likes my mother and
I ran it Derek ourselves from the time I was seven years old, get up at four o'clock
in the morning to get the cows, get ready for. The expectation was
that it didn't matter. What we do is we're
going to do it. Well. Chico then
went on to finance its own college
education or jobs. We can all learn
something about teaching baggage
from Chico. Most importantly,
they have to be modeled every day. Yes, sir. Influence
and voice. Just by the way, lungs. Those little lines
are actually change. Dobson with family talk.
Moms and Sons (Dr.James Dobson Family talk)
Dr James Dobson for family talk you know
many women these days report feeling anxious and insecure about the task
of raising their sons whether they're single or married there's just a sense of
not being equipped to meet the special challenges of teaching and
training young boys. A wonderful book on this subject
appropriately called mothers and sons many women will be encouraged by the advice
that she offered first she said that mothers should recognize that it's very
normal for little boys to be difficult even extremely difficult at times emerging
masculinity can be a boisterous and destructive force mother should also learn
to anticipate their son's energy level and look for ways to channel that force in the
competition football basketball soccer or other physical activity because
boys need this outlet for the testosterone that surges with
that also mothers should keep in mind that their little boys are still under
construction someone referred to them as wet cement which I think says it very
well history shows that many great many began as baffling headstrong boys
who gave their mothers headaches so don't get discouraged by those
irresponsible noisy sometimes bratty boys in your home you may
be amazed by what those lads may have been surely a compass for
Team stocks and family talk.