ENG 111

I am not sure what this is. You seem to have filled out the suggested outline, not written an argument paper.

I will try to make some comments on writing, but the paper written was not even what was assigned. Please read and review the weekly modules and assigned chapters again. For future papers, please do the paper assigned. Credit cannot be given if what was assigned was not done. The paper should not have been accepted or graded.

Missing proper heading, page, numbers, and missing a Works Cited page, four academic sources and quotes required, proper format required, two full pages required, title required

Title required

-12 point font required for the whole paper, including a Works Cited page

-the entire paper must be double-spaced…no extra wide spacing

-paper heading of name, instructor, class, and date should only be on the left-hand side of the first page (consult page 341 in the Simon and Schuster book), not on every page.

-No extra wide spaces between paragraphs. Open the paragraph tab and place a check in the box where it asks if you want an extra space between paragraphs of the same style

Papers should not have headings

No bold

No underlining

No first person

Do not write about people

Many can say that one of the main issues society faces is gun violence(comma) but with the help of mental health background checks, we(comma) as a country(comma) could lower the percentage of gun violence lead events.

-Do not begin sentences with people, some people, many people, other people, and do not announce what groups believe or say. Focus on the type of assignment, the topics, arguments, explanations, and the subjects, not on people, their feelings, and their personal beliefs. Also, do not guess or assume what people may or may not think or feel.

Unclear meaning, wording, and logic

Off topic

Do not announce

Mental health is critical, and it has become more common over the years.

Unclear meaning, wording, and logic

No first person…no we

No personal opinions

Comma splice

We must focus on the mental status of citizens because they are the people that make this country,(period) people can become unpractical when their state of mind is unwell.

This was not an approved thesis statement.

Unclear logic and meaning…does not reduce suicides? Does not reduce school shootings?

Even though some may disagree, mental health background checks should be required when purchasing a gun because it does not violate privacy rights, reduce suicides, and reduce school shootings.

This was the approved thesis statement.

Even though some disagree, a mental health background check should be required when purchasing a gun because it does not violate privacy rights, reduces suicides, and reduces school shootings.

Why was the approved thesis statement not used? Use the approved thesis statement.

???

No, they are not

Capitalization error

Off topic

Comma splice

What does this mean?

Firstly, Background checks are universal(comma) but not required,(period) typical background checks investigate a person’s criminal history, financial status, driving record, and employment history.

If a dependent clause comes first and an independent clause comes second, place a comma between the two. If an independent clause comes first and a dependent clause comes second, do not use a comma between them. Also, use a comma after a transitional word, like I have in this sentence (after the word 'also'). Set proper names and titles off with commas; for example: My best friend, Lucy, likes cats. Dave, the mail carrier, was bit by a dog. The mail carrier, Dave, was bit by a dog. This is called an appositive. Lastly, remember, items in a series of three or more need to be separated by commas. For example: Steak, fries, peas, and carrots. If you do not put a comma between peas and carrots, then they will be mixed together.

Here is some grammar help:

An independent clause is a sentence that can stand by itself.

For example: The fans applauded the soccer player.

This sentence is complete. It has a subject (fans), a verb (applauded), and it is a complete idea, which means that it needs nothing else to make sense; we understand the meaning after we read it.

A dependent clause is, basically, half a sentence. A dependent clause can also called a fragment, which is any sentence that is missing a subject, verb, or complete idea.

For example: After he scored a goal. This half sentence is missing a complete idea. In other words, if someone came up to you and said this, you would probably ask, “so, after he scored a goal, he did what?” Did he go out for pizza? Did he jump for joy? Did he smile? We don’t know because the sentence is incomplete. Below is some information about how to place commas using independent and dependent clauses.

Remember, if an independent clause comes first and a dependent clause comes second, do not use a comma between the two clauses. For example:

Correct: The fans applauded the soccer player after he scored a goal.

Incorrect: The fans applauded the soccer player, after he scored a goal.

If a dependent clause comes first and an independent clause comes second, use a comma between the two clauses. For example:

Correct: After he scored a goal, the fans applauded the soccer player.

Incorrect: After he scored a goal the fans applauded the soccer player.

To connect two independent clauses, you can do many things. For instance:

Use a period, leaving both clauses independent of each other.

Ex:

Correct: The fans applauded the soccer player. He was very happy.

Incorrect: The fans applauded the soccer player he was very happy. (This is called a fused or run-on sentence.)

Use a comma and a conjunction. Conjunctions are For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, and So. You can remember them by using the acronym FANBOYS.

Ex:

Correct: The fans applauded the soccer player, and he was very happy.

Incorrect: The fans applauded the soccer player and he was very happy.

Incorrect: The fans applauded the soccer player, he was very happy. (This is called a comma splice; it is also the most common error in writing.)

Use a semi-colon if the ideas are closely related, the clauses are both independent, and the sentences are of the same length.

Ex:

Correct: The fans applauded the soccer player; he was very happy.

The idea of being applauded makes one happy, so a semi-colon would be okay to use.

Semi-colons should rarely be used.

Also, remember, use commas after transitions, words like also, additionally, in addition, moreover, furthermore, first, second, third, however, therefore, etc…etc. Moments in time also use commas after transitions. For example: yesterday, tomorrow, today, in 1999, at 4:30, etc…etc.

Here are some examples.

Correct: First, we will watch a movie.

Incorrect: First we will watch a movie

Correct: Today, we will have pizza.

Incorrect: Today we will have pizza.

Comma splice: A comma splice is putting a comma where a period should go. For example:

Incorrect comma splice: Ducks like water, they pick up food in the water.

To correct a comma splice, you can do three things: use a period, use a semicolon, or use a comma and a conjunction.

Correct: Ducks like water. They pick up food in the water.

Correct: Ducks like water; they pick up food in the water. (use a semicolon only when the two sentences are closely related)

Correct: Ducks like water, and they pick up food in the water.

Here is a quick and dirty rule that does not always apply, but is sometimes a clue to double-check to see if a comma is needed: if the first word of a sentence ends in 'ly', check it over carefully to see if it needs a comma.

hint: a comma usually goes before 'which', but not before 'that'

'which' usually signifies extra information and implies no restriction

"that' restricts a subject

hint: if a sentence begins with 'if', place a comma just before 'then'

correct: If Dave goes to college, then he will get a better job.

Correct: If Dave goes to college, he will get a better job.

Incorrect: If Dave goes to college then he will get a better job.

Incorrect: If Dave goes to college he will get a better job.

-semicolons come before the conjunctive adverb. For example (;however,) not (,however;) or (,however,). A semi-colon can also be placed between two separate sentences that are closely related. A semi-colon can be placed where a period could go, but it cannot be placed where a comma could go.

-an apostrophe s shows possession. For example: David's car drives well. America's war on drugs is being won. Apostrophes do not make something plural.

-fused sentences, commonly called run-on sentences, are sentences without punctuation. A run-on does not have to be a long sentence, but just one that has no punctuation. EX: Ducks like water and they swim well. This is a run-on sentence because there is supposed to be a comma between ‘water’ and ‘and’. Since there is no punctuation, it is a run-on.

Fragments are half sentences. EX: When Dave went to the store. After Katie went home. Dave to store. Went home. These are fragments; they cannot stand alone. What happened when Dave went to the store? What happened when Katie went home? One may fix a fragment by adding a subject, a verb, taking off the subordinate conjunction, or by completing an idea.

Run on

Deeper view?

Mental health background checks are no different(period or semicolon) they just take a deeper view into the state of mind of a person.

Why? Because you say so?

Do not announce

Make a critical argument

Mental background health checks do not go against citizens’ privacy rights.

Yes, obvious, so discuss them

Privacy rights are important to discuss when a person’s personal information is involved.

-Unclear perspective shifting. Your personal voice, feelings, and/or perspective should not in interrupt or be inserted into the paper. Do not write in first or second person and or switch to first or second person perspective. Start and stay in third person and past tense.

-Do not refer to your own paper in the paper, explain why the topic or points are important to write about, or announce how the paper will be written or organized.

So can any object.

Stop describing why you chose the topic.

However, firearms can cause potential harm when resulting from misuse(comma) which calls for a needed balanced approach.

No, it violates privacy rights

Who says? Are you making this up?

U8nclear logic, meaning, and wording

Requiring mental health background checks respects human privacy while ensuring the safety of those who might be harmful to themselves or others by identifying them.

Stop announcing

Next, the most captivating reason for mental health background checks is their potential to reduce suicide rates.

Obvious

Where, not in which

Who says? Are you making this up?

Unclear wording

Looks like missing words or grammar

Screening buyers for mental issues, mainly those who are at risk of suicidal ideation access to firearms can denied, saving many lives.

How do you know it would?

Administering mental health background checks could identify those with severe mental issues or violent behavior, which will prevent them from gaining access to firearms.

Stating a personal opinion, feeling, or belief is no critically arguing, explaining, or refuting

This is not description. This is telling, not showing. Specific details needed.

???

How?

For a gun purchase?

What does this mean?

Unclear meaning, logic, and point

Many disagree with mental health background checks because they could condemn those seeking treatment for mental health issues.

What does this mean?

Empty sentence without details, argument, or explanation

-One cannot use one vague term to define another. For example: happiness is being glad, glad is having joy, joy is feeling great, great is feeling good, good is enjoyment, enjoyment is being happy. Vague, fuzzy words do not define or describe, and they lead to circular logic.

-One cannot use vague words to describe. Feeling excited, something being amazing, Dave looked happy, and Susan was sad are not descriptions. They do not let the audience see, hear, small, taste, or feel, as in touch. Show the audience. Do not just tell the audience what is happening. Feel excited should be: After winning the lottery, the family was jumping, crying, and laughing like a child who received an Optimus Prime Transformer on Christmas morning. Something looking amazing should be: At 5:37 am, on Sunday morning in the middle of July, the sun broke over Mount Herman like wild Mustang horses racing over the plains of Kansas. Dave looked happy should be: Dave smiled and laughed like King Leonidas of Sparta when he received a promotion to full partner at the law firm of Smith, Jones, and Thomas. For Susan being sad: Susan, after failing here college algebra test with a grade of 48, knew she would have to give up on her career choice of Ocean Biologist because math is necessary for cataloging the migrating patterns of vampire squid, great white sharks, and blue whales. Show the audience…do not just tell the audience. No vague words. If one cannot see it, hear it, smell it, taste it, or touch and feel it, it is not description.

Source not listed on a Works Cited page

Missing intext citation

The National Rifle Association states, “Mental health screenings for gun purchases could infringe on individuals’ privacy rights and stigmatize those seeking mental health treatment.”

Improper and/or missing MLA Documentation

Below is some information about proper MLA Citation:

-For MLA citations, you have to create a Works Cited page at the end of the paper that has the complete citation list. In the body of the paper, you have to critically introduce a quote, put quotation marks around it, and use an in-text citation, which is placed at the end of the sentence and looks like this (Smith 42) or (American Cancer 42). Smith would be the author's name, and 42 would be the page number. American Cancer, being The American Cancer Society, would be the online source's name, and again, 42 would be the page number the quote or information was taken from. If I see (Smith 42) in the body of the paper, then that will refer me to the Works Cited page, at the end of the paper, where the full citation is written out. Here is an example of a proper quote and an in-text citation in the body of a paper: According to Douglass Adams, author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, “the answer to the ultimate question is 42” (166). You could also write: “The answer to the ultimate question is 42,” according to Douglass Adams, author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (166). Both are acceptable and correct. However, if you do not introduce your source, you must place the author’s last name and the page number or paragraph number in the in-text citation. For instance: According to the author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, “The answer to the ultimate question is 42” (Adams 166). I would prefer the former to the latter. One must always preface a quote or tell where it came from, put quotation marks around what is quoted, and then place the author's last name and page number in brackets with a period at the end. The only difference when paraphrasing is that you do not use the quotation marks, but you must still introduce the quote and use an in-text citation. Do not do this (Smith, 42). Do not place a comma in the in-text citation. Lastly, if there is no author, use the first word or two of the citation on the Works Cited page to create an in-text citation. Look at the left-hand side of the screen or page when looking at your Works Cited page. The author’s last name or the title of the source should be there. Use the author’s last name and page or paragraph number: example (Smith 42) or (Smith p.4). For a source with no author that begins with a title, say the American Heart Association, use the first word or two of the title ( American 42) or (“American” p.4). If the title is in quotation marks or italics on the Works Cited page, carry them over to the in-text citation. One should be able to see an in-text citation and easily scan the left side of a Works Cited page to see which source is being quoted. All quotes in the body should have a corresponding full citation on the Works Cited page. All full citations on a Works Cited page should have a corresponding critical introduction, quote in quotation marks, and in-text citation in the body of a paper. (Remember, there is no paraphrasing or summary allowed in the course…only direct quotation is accepted)

Whenever you quote someone, always try to say something critical in your own words about the quote. You should always try to interpret, explain, add to, subtract from, agree with, disagree with, point out faulty logic, or show the reasoning behind a quote. Try not to link too many quotes together. Use quotation for support, but do not let it write or dominate parts of your paper. Always place a critical comment after a quote. Say something about the information in the quote. Do not just go right into another quote or idea. Do not just repeat what the quote said.

-always say something about a quotation before moving on to a different topic, subject, or other quote. Always make critical comment on a quote. Never leave a quotation hanging, and never expect the quote to speak for itself.

-when quoting, always introduce a quote, use quotation marks around the quoted words, and place an in-text citation at the end of the sentence. This must be done in order to protect yourself from accidental plagiarism due to improper citation.

-do not quote in introductions or conclusions. The introduction should be setting up the thesis and giving any background information needed and the conclusion is wrapping the paper up and making a final point, so there is no need for quotation in the introduction or conclusion. Save quotes for the body of a paper. The body is where the explanation takes place, so that is where the quotes should be placed.

-Paper suddenly stops and ends without a conclusion, moral, lesson, or point for the audience.

-Paper has no conclusion and just stops