English Esaay

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annotated-Essay2.pdf

Rubric for Essay #2 Criteria Ratings Pts THESIS view longer description

15 pts Full Marks 0 pts No Marks Comments I think your thesis would benefit from a stronger rationale.

10 / 15 pts

STRUCTURE/ORGANIZATION view longer description

15 pts Full Marks 0 pts No Marks Comments For the most part, your organization is good: your paragraphs are focused and pretty well- organized; however, there are some ideas that don't fit in some paragraphs, and some of your paragraphs would benefit from better transitions.

12 / 15 pts

CONTEXT view longer description

10 pts Full Marks 0 pts No Marks Comments Your sources all require more background information. You must provide information about the author, the article, and the surrounding information of the quote.

5 / 10 pts

EVIDENCE view longer description

20 pts Full Marks 0 pts No Marks Comments Consider integrating your quotes better into your writing. Also, be sure to use quotation marks when quoting other authors.

15 / 20 pts

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Rubric for Essay #2 Criteria Ratings Pts ANALYSIS view longer description

20 pts Full Marks 0 pts No Marks Comments You make some good points, but you must connect all your points to the main argument. There's a bit of development missing in your essay because your ideas don't connect to the argument.

15 / 20 pts

GRAMMAR view longer description

10 pts Full Marks 0 pts No Marks Comments While your language is easy to read, there are several grammatical errors that would benefit from revision.

7 / 10 pts

REQUIREMENTS view longer description

10 pts Full Marks 0 pts No Marks Comments Good research.

10 / 10 pts

Total Points: 74

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Guy’s Code

When most people are thinking about a man, they will always think about toughness,

braveness, lack of emotions and successful. Men have been raised in societies which believe that

for a man to be a man, he has to follow code of rules and regulations considered socially

acceptable by other men. In “Bros Before Hos: The Guy Code,” Michael Kimmel, talks out

manhood, man like traits and rules guys follow throughout their life providing an idea of what a

real man should be like. Cheng Dianna states in her study that the guy codes are stereotypical

ideas of what it means to be a guy or what some sociologists call: hegemonic masculinity. The

code is perceived to be a norm that one should believe in and follow in order to prove his

manhood to others. These codes sometimes work against man’s best affecting them emotionally.

“Take it like a man” is one of Kimmel’s codes that I have grown hearing most fathers

living in my rural area. I’ll never forget a football training session in which a father berated his

son for crying about not making the football team. “Get over it. Take it like a man,” the father

said. These words made the boy behave tough despite the emotions he had after missing to be in

the team. In our society, showing vulnerability in boys was always considered to be a sign of

weakness. A man who could not stand up for himself could be scolded and criticized by others.

To be man in the society, you had to be aggressive, tough, show no emotions, go to practice,

show no weakness and respond to bullies with no fear. In reality, some us were not really who

we portrayed to be. It was the fear of rejection and mockery that made sure we remained tough.

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what do you mean?
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talks about?
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a set
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Who are we? To whom are you referring here?
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from
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emotionally how?
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often
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out from

Nobody likes rejection. And for one not to face its wrath, one to secure a place among others by

being a man.

One can either be born as a male or female. When we are growing our society and

surroundings teach us to be men or women. “As children, and later adults, learn the rules of

membership in society, they come to see themselves in terms of what they have learned from the

people around them” (Aaron H. Devor). What the society thinks to be wrong, how we run our

things and how we behave is all determined by the society. Guys hear the voices of the men in

their lives—fathers, coaches, brothers, grandfathers, uncles, priests—to inform their ideas of

masculinity (Kimmel, Michael, (47). Trust between the mentors and boys contribute to a stronger

sense of the boy’s identity and a solid sense of their own masculinity. Most guys will want to

please their fathers and mentors by following what they preach. No one wants to take their

mentors for granted. There goals and perception about everything become yours and this has

made it easy to pass guy’s code from one generation to another.

Media representations has also played a major role in supporting ideas of masculinity.

Over time, the ideal male lead has shifted somewhat from a handsome, debonair, and

untouchable hero to something more relatable, albeit still remarkable in his own way (Myers

Jack). A TV series by the name The Big Bang Theory represents masculinity. The characters are

unabashedly dorky, and yet, the ones we idealize most (Sheldon) are confident in themselves and

their abilities — a trait we’ve long identified as manly (Myers Jack). These types of movies we

watch as children will affect how we view our gender identity. In this series, the character gets

the girl after all the struggles proving on of the Kimmel’s guy code, “Give ’em Hell.” Men

advertisements are made by men with abs, expensive clothing and good looking with women

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what struggles?
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Is this a quote? Also, where is this from? Offer more background.
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Unclear wording. What do you mean?
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integrate the quote better.
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Big Bang Theory is a TV Show
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one
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what do you mean by "our things?" Unclear.
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connect this to the main argument.
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must
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you only need the last name and the page # - See the Quote Integration Workshop for more detail.

drooling over them. These false ideas in advertisements creates pressure on guy’s who start

doubting their confidence.

The media and social definition of who a man is has affected men emotionally. One will

strive to prove his manhood even in difficult situations. Kancigor, Laureen shares that guys are

expected to follow this code of masculinity in order to fit it, but often times this suppression

leads to depression from the lack of self-expression and freedom to be one’s true self. “Take it

has a man” has ruined some of the boy’s life. The urge to fight to win and never loose has

destroyed some of the guys who were forcing their personality. A man will risk everything if

only they will get a chance to prove their manhood. These include health risks, life and

psychological risks. About 90% of men will prefer attending football practice to going for a

medical checkup because they don’t want to be excluded in the school team. An analysis of the

Orlando nightclub shooting tragedy in 2017 described toxic masculinity as a specific model of

manhood geared toward dominance and control (Kastner Laura,2018)

Masculinity test is not a one-day test. It continues to the day when one cannot help

proving his manhood. It will be more elusive the more it pursued. Some of these acts are

sometimes of risk but men will prefer doing them because so that they can prove themselves.

Exceeding speed limits, driving under the influence of alcohol or (in the case of motorcycles)

without a helmet, and showing skills like driving on a single wheel were described as typically

male forms of behavior; that is, forms of social representation of manhood through which men

seek attention and recognition from their peer group (Marcos, Calvente, Aviles NR et al). Men

will take any test “as a man” because they have grown to believe a man can never fail. Some of

the men tend to acquire resistance to anything that they do not feel is right. They do not care if

their actions are right but whatever is right to them, should be right for the society. All of them

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lose
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Why? Analyze how these TV shows make men doubt their confidence.
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proofread
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boys'
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How? Explain and then analyze.
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great source; provide background for this source.
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like

want to fell in control and invulnerable. When they aren’t, they are ashamed. The shame turns

into resentfulness, hate and self-loathing — a toxic brew, especially when guns and social media

get into the mix (Kastner Laura,2018)

On the other hand, take it as a man can be an important code in men. It is this code that

helps men take big risks without the fear of losing enabling them win to wealth. This code helps

men who are in difficult situation keep fighting because they see a good end at long last.

Diseases such as cancer and HIV/ AIDS treatment is not a small thing but because of masculinity,

most men keep fighting the disease longer compared to women. Several recent studies have

highlighted that norms of masculinity such as self-reliance and strength present important

barriers to men engaging in each of these behaviors and that men initiate HIV testing, care and

treatment less than women in many African settings (Fleming, Paul J, and Shari L Dworkin).

Most men have the urge to find medication despite what people say about them.

In education sector, male students who fail are encouraged to take it as a man. This gives

hope to keep fighting so they can win next time. A father who encourages his son to take it as a

man when he keeps him working. He doesn’t spend most of his time being emotional and crying

because he has failed but uses that time to try improving. The masculinity in them keeps ringing

in their mind that men are not losers, and this keeps them working. They develop both skills and

confidence by recovering from their own mistakes and try not to repeat the same mistakes again.

A boy whose parents do not have finances to cater for his education has more chances of

succeeding than a girl. Boys can use take it as a man to develop other strategies so as to get

finances for his education or start life outside school.

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Analyze this passage. How does this connect to your main argument?
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transition more smoothly into the next paragraph.
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connect this back to the main argument.
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feel
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unclear wording.
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I'm not sure this supports your claim. It says that they initiate the care and treatment LESS than women.

Kimmel: Guys Code was successful in his study. He was able to convince men to face all

the struggles by avoiding being weak. He was able to put an emphasize how guy code influences

the growth of a young boy in the society. Children will always learn from their older siblings or

people who they admire. We are vulnerable to these assumptions as young children and grow up

to believe these assumptions are true (Michelle). What we see and learn from what surrounds us

is what we will accept to be true. However, the more men understand masculinity, the more

competition we will see in our daily life. This will get the situation worse with increased risks on

men’s life. A documentary released in 2015, The Mask You Live in (Netflix), films boys from

every kind of background describing the way they suffer from our culture’s definition of

masculinity. Masculinity should not be forced on guys. They should be allowed to make their

decisions on their own perception of masculinity.

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the
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I think an analysis of this example would be great in the main body (argument) of your essay.

Works Cited

Cheng, Dianna. "The Guy Code Isn't Always a Good Thing." Canadian Men's Health

Foundation.Published 2016 Jan 25.Retrieved From https://menshealthfoundation.ca/the-

guy-code-isnt-always-a-good-thing

Devor, Aaron. H." Becoming Members of Society: Learning the Social Meanings of Gender.”

From Gender Blending: Confronting the Limits of Duality by Holly 5. Devor. Copyright

1998 by Indiana University Press. Retrieved From

https://www.freeonlineresearchpapers.com/the-role-of-gender

Kimmel, Michael. “Bros Before Hos”: The Guy Code”. Retrieved From

https://rowanucomp.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/kimmel-guyland-ch-3.pdf

Myers, Jack." How Media is Redefining Men and How Men Are Redefining Media.” HuffPost.

Published 2017 July 9. Retrieved From https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-media-is-

redefining-men-and-how-men-are-redefining_b_59b18166e4b0c50640cd657f

Kancigor, E. Laureen."Bros Before HOS": The Guy Code". Published on 2017 Nov 7. Retrieved

From https://laurenkancigor.wordpress.com/2017/11/07/bros-before-hos-the-guy-code/

Marcos J, Aviles NR, del Río Lozano M, Cuadros JP, García Calvente Mdel M. Performing

masculinity, influencing health: a qualitative mixed-methods study of young Spanish men.

Glob Health Action. 2013; 6:21134. Published 2013 Sep 16. doi:10.3402/gha.v6i0.21134.

Retrieved From https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3776322/

Kastner Lura. How Boys Suffer: The Boy Code and Toxic Masculinity. ParentMap. Published

on 2018 March 07. Retrieved From https://www.parentmap.com/article/how-boys-suffer-

the-boy-code-and-toxic-masculinity

Fleming, Paul J, and Shari L Dworkin. “The importance of masculinity and gender norms for

understanding institutional responses to HIV testing and treatment strategies.” AIDS

(London, England) vol. 30,1 (2016): 157-8. doi:10.1097/QAD.0000000000000899.

Retrieved From https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4703363/

Michelle, Yang. "Becoming members of society: Learning the social meanings of gender"

Michelle's Blog. Published On 2011 November 9.Retrieved From

http://michelleyyang.blogspot.com/2011/11/becoming-members-of-society-learning.html.