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Theory: Social Penetration Theory(Altman&Taylor)
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Social penetration theory was developed by psychologists Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor with the main aim of explaining how relationships and closeness develops. Social penetration theory argues that any form of closeness develops when individuals gradually proceed from superficial to personal or intimate levels of communication. The theory asserts that communication between people develop as their relationship develop such that only the superficial traits are known first and with time the personal and intimate ones are known later. According to this theory, the personality structure can be related to a multilayered onion that has two main layers. The first layer, also called the outer layer, shows the public self while the other layer gives the private domain of a person.
The relational closeness development, through communication, starts by identifying the biographical data and then the preferences in terms of music and clothing. Altman compares this development to a layered onion. Goals, aspirations and dreams forms ones of the layers of relationship development while religious and social convictions give a different layer. Fantasies and fears of life give the makes up another important layer and the concept of self is the last layer of any relationship development process. The theory of social penetration, is therefore essential in explaining how communication process leads to development of relationships.
Social penetration theory argues that the process through which relational closeness develops consists of 6 stages which must follow one another. The first stage is the orientation stage. In this stage, people are introduced to one another and they feel good to meet and the impressions of a person are gathered. At this stage, the public domain of a person is observed since an individual is usually not ready to display his private domain. This is usually the first-time people meet and they are oriented to one another in terms of names, place of residence and the impression that they have about the person.
Exploratory stage is where people start to explore their new acquaintances and casual relationships start to be formed. Various issues concerning the social life, political and economic issues among others are usually discussed at this stage. Safe topics such as sports, movies, technology and fashion are usually discussed at this stage since the relationship is still underdeveloped implying that the private life of a person cannot be discussed.
The affective stage occurs after people start becoming well known to one another and as the social penetration theory noted that at this stage, deep waters start being explored. People start explaining their personal life experiences and they disclose a lot about themselves. Friendship turns into a causal relationship and dating is also witnessed. The people feel free to one another and they can discuss any issue affecting them. They start feeling that they need one another and whenever they have a bad or a good day, they feel that they need to express their feeling to their new friends.
After the effective stage, we have the stable stage where people are well known to one another the true colors are well known. Any form of posturing and pretense are no longer witnessed since the affective stage allowed for deeper understanding of one another. The communication becomes so open such that no more secrets between the two people and at this stage, a romantic relationship may be formed to replace the casual relationship. Dreams, disappointments and hopes are freely shared.
Social penetration theory also asserts that there comes a time when the costs associated with the relationship starts exceeding the benefits. At this stage, de-penetration is observed and the relationship starts to break down. A partner may decide to withdraw to avoid too much costs and other problems that could be associated with the relationships. The breakup leaves the partners in another situation where they regret so many things pertaining the relationship. Social penetration theory argues that some of the reasons associated with de-penetration includes lack of secrecy between the partners such that when one partner learns the flaws of the other, they tend to think otherwise.
In support of this theory, I personally have a personal experience which happens to follow the argument proposed by this theory. I was traveling to a certain city to pay a visit to my relative and on my way, I met a person who is my friend till today. This was during vacation that I decided to spend time in another city. I was travelling by public means and I sat next to a lady who looked beautiful and humble. I kept silence for some time to observe her but after travelling for a few kilometers, I decided to break the silence. I said hello her and she responded in a manner that impressed me and a talk started to develop. I asked her where she was travelling to and I realized she was going to the same city that I was travelling to.
With time, I had already known her name was Melisa. She looked shy but she never failed to respond to any question that I asked and I felt so good chatting with her and with time, I had known her name and she also knew my name. The communication progressed to a level that I could describe her if asked to since I knew her full names, where she used to attend college classes and her home address. After arriving at the town, the lady seemed so impressed by me and she found it pleasure to meet me, from what she said. I felt that the relationship could be extended to another level an I requested for her phone number and the address of her residence. Without hesitation, she gave me the mobile number and explained where she used to reside.
Everyone went on their way and later I couldn’t control the urge to call her. The communication extended to the extent that we even planned to meet again on a weekend. During the time, we met with her on weekend, we discussed various issues related to social life and she explained to me what she liked most and what she hated most. We also discussed about the school life, sports, games, movies and other issues related to the youth life. For the first few days, I knew nothing personal about this lady and this can be related to what in the social penetration theory that relational closeness develops through stages.
From the personal experience, it is worth to note that social penetration theory helps us to understand how relationships develop and the need to have it develop sequentially. The social penetration theory, argued that communication between two people who just met develops from shallow levels to non-intimate levels. With time, the secrets cease to exist and the relationship can develop to more intimate ones such that all issues, whether personal or not, can be freely discussed. Social penetration theory simply argues that the secrets, which forms the private domain of a person, cannot be shared first since people need to know one another well before any form of relationship is developed.