editing my essay

hi,

 I already wrote an essay and the professor had checked it and she told my to fix it little bit 

it a narrative essay about a country (like globalization which means like I imagine I went to this country and what I saw there) she told me that the essay was so formal and she need me to fix some information as informal like narrative essay what i see what i expect what i thought ..not general information only!

could you help? NARRATIVE WITH "I'

please be on time and free palgrisam the essay it already wriiten you need only to change the essay to a nnartive ( what i thought what i expect what i see what i feel in every deaitles in the essay) can you add an conclusions 

thanks,