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1. Overall deduction points in the first photo, 2-4 are the text and the teacher's comments.

2. All the contents of the first paragraph need to be citation, and the last thesis statement sentence is not in the parallel form so it is deducted directly.

3. The 2nd paragraph according to the teacher revises to revise is good, still lacks citation

4. The 3rd paragraph required reorganization, and the Krashen reference was wrong, and the teacher said that Krashen did not have that view. And the whole paragraph should emphasize which instruction. But there is a sentence that belongs to the new point of view, should be deleted and replaced by a specific example or evidence

5. The 4th paragraph is not yet emphasizing which children, and the teacher said that the proposal plus example to describe how children should learn. and example is still too little.

6. Overall, two body paragraph should be subject to a large number of modifications, while other paragraphs are subject to minor changes as required by the teacher. The body needs to add more, the teacher said at least a total of 7, two of each paragraph 3. and reorganization, don't talk too big, be sure to go into detail. Please refer to the teacher's comments in detail.