Autobiography paper second draft modification

I am a international student, this is an autibiogralhy paper second draft modification. The first photo is the request of the paper, the second photo is the opinion of my teacher, the third and the fourth one are my first draft. The sentences wihich with the underline are good sectences and the sentence which with block up were wrong sentence. The mark around the paper were marked by my teacher. All the requirement was in the four photos.